Venting Bf’s ex died from SN

[bpdbun]

I recently started dating this guy who has been absolutely wonderful, and truly everything I need and want in a partner. On one of our first dates though he told me that his ex fiancée died by suicide….using SN. I of course didn't press for details but I had a silent panic attack and immediately started crying. Now I'm carrying so much guilt because when I get paid next week I plan on buying SN. It's been on my mind for years, and I just want to have it on hand before it gets even harder to get.

I feel so guilty. Can you imagine losing not one person but two to the same exact uncommon thing???? What are the fucking odds. I really adore him, but suicidal ideation has been a part of my life for so long I sadly don't think his love is enough to keep it at bay.

Is it selfish if I stay with him? I'm still kinda in shock. It doesn't help he tells me he hasn't felt this way about anyone since her and that apparently there are things about me that remind him so much of her, like how his dog acts around me. Fuck…

 

[asthedayends00]

If you know that ctb will happen soon then I think it's unfair to him. Unless he knows and is okay with the situation.. you should distance yourself if you plan to ctb.

 

[Wonhun]

I recently started dating this guy who has been absolutely wonderful, and truly everything I need and want in a partner. On one of our first dates though he told me that his ex fiancée died by suicide….using SN. I of course didn't press for details but I had a silent panic attack and immediately started crying. Now I'm carrying so much guilt because when I get paid next week I plan on buying SN. It's been on my mind for years, and I just want to have it on hand before it gets even harder to get.

I feel so guilty. Can you imagine losing not one person but two to the same exact uncommon thing???? What are the fucking odds. I really adore him, but suicidal ideation has been a part of my life for so long I sadly don't think his love is enough to keep it at bay.

Is it selfish if I stay with him? I'm still kinda in shock. It doesn't help he tells me he hasn't felt this way about anyone since her and that apparently there are things about me that remind him so much of her, like how his dog acts around me. Fuck…

Why do you care about people that you just met? It is not your problem even if they witness two of the same thing at the same time. Tbh I doubt people really care about people suicide.

 

[Thanatos]

If you are sure on your plan then the right thing to do would be to leave him first.

 

[Wonhun]

If you are sure on your plan then the right thing to do would be to leave him first.

Why you leave such a bad advice? Only bad people encourage break up and ditch people instead of fixing it.
I am sad that we live in this world have too few bpd.

 

[Thanatos]

Why you leave such a bad advise? Only bad people break up and ditch people.

That's not at all true... There are plenty of valid reasons to end a relationship. Many of which wouldn't make someone a "bad" person. Also wouldn't ctb be "ditching" them anyway?
You are free to disagree but I wholeheartedly believe that if one truly loves someone and plans on suicide, then they should distance themselves to mitigate the pain of the loss as much as possible.
Also I see from your other comment here that you seem to be projecting a bit. You don't care about other people if you don't know them so why expect anything different in return?
Just because we suffer doesn't mean we should haphazardly share that suffering with others.

 

[Wonhun]

That's not at all true... There are plenty of valid reasons to end a relationship. Many of which wouldn't make someone a "bad" person. Also wouldn't ctb be "ditching" them anyway?
You are free to disagree but I wholeheartedly believe that if one truly loves someone and plans on suicide, then they should distance themselves to mitigate the pain of the loss as much as possible.
Also I see from your other comment here that you seem to be projecting a bit. You don't care about other people if you don't know them so why expect anything different in return?
Just because we suffer doesn't mean we should haphazardly share that suffering with others.

Embrace the pain like a man, don't be a pussy. I just don't get why people is allowed to heal and forget when they got inflicted with damage. It is just not fair.
I cut myself to keep my wound fresh. Untying the bell on the tiger's neck requires the person who fastened the bell.

 

[Thanatos]

Embrace the pain like a man, don't be a pussy. I just don't get why people is allowed to heal and forget when they got inflicted with damage. It is just not fair.
I cut myself to keep my wound fresh. Untying the bell on the tiger's neck requires the person who fastened the bell.

I don't understand your logic. Nothing in life is fair, get over it and "be a man" lol. You want everyone to be just as miserable as you? How can you believe that and have the audacity to call other people "bad"?

 

[Wonhun]

I don't understand your logic. Nothing in life is fair, get over it and "be a man" lol. You want everyone to be just as miserable as you? How can you believe that and have the audacity to call other people "bad"?

Being punished for being weak is not bad. Why people escape their judgement intrinsically binded in this world. It is just vile.
There should be no tolerence on allowing people to get over for their every single fault and incapability. Luck and acceptance are screwing everything up.

Being punished for being weak is not bad. Why people escape their judgement intrinsically binded in this world. It is just vile.
There should be no tolerence on allowing people to get over for their every single fault and incapability. Luck and acceptance are screwing everything up.

The instrinsic nature of this world is lethality for every single mistake. Prey get eaten by predator if they cannot fight off or outrun from other. Host is killed by deadly disease because of their incapability of their body.

 

[Thanatos]

Being punished for being weak is not bad. Why people escape their judgement intrinsically binded in this world. It is just vile.
There should be no tolerence on allowing people to get over for their every single fault and incapability. Luck and acceptance are screwing everything up.

The instrinsic nature of this world is lethality for every single mistake. Prey get eaten by predator if they cannot fight off or outrun from other. Host is killed by deadly disease because of their incapability of their body.

I don't see how that's relevant to the conversation. I agree with most of your statements. It doesn't seem like her bf is trying to avoid faults or is "weak" so what does that have to do with this situation?

P.S. Sorry to OP, I didn't mean to hijack your thread. I wish you the best.