bunnii
just a little guy
- Feb 16, 2023
- 55
Last night, I tried partial hanging again. I wasn't super serious about it, it was more of a test run for partial hanging (I had tried full suspension before) so I had the rope on and off my neck for a good hour, taking it off just before my vision starts fading. Long story short, I ended up with a swollen and bruised neck. I went to sleep not thinking much of it and when I woke up the swelling had gone down but the marks looked nasty. My boyfriend was horrified. He got all pissed at me saying things like, "it's just so stupid," "you're being selfish," "you need to toughen up," "everyone has it bad and you're the only one who tries to die over it," etc etc. He gave me the cold shoulder all morning until I eventually broke down sobbing and he finally apologised. I put some makeup on and we went for breakfast at the local restaurant like nothing was wrong after that. He hasn't mentioned my attempt since. I guess I'm glad that he didn't call the police on me, but I wish he... cared more? I feel like such an inconvenience to him when I'm upset, which is most of the time. I wish so badly I was the happy go lucky girl he wants.