Hi everyone, just wondering what would be the best method to carry out suicide without much suffering for myself. I just want a painless death, preferably. Any recommendations would be great. I am open to hanging, but I would need to find a way to make myself unconscious when the leverage is dropped.
The main things that constrain me from killing myself are definitely religion, for 1. It sucks to think of being damned to eternal suffering because you can't handle your worldly problems. I wasn't really raised in a Christian household, but I have a lot of knowledge on the religion, and I do believe in it personally. I believe a lot of my problems just stem from who I am as a person. I hate my face, and I dread looking into a mirror every day, seeing who I look like, and I just can't accept it, honestly. I just want to never be put on this Earth again, and I don't actually have a clue why I exist. 2 is family. It would suck because I have a mother who loves me unconditionally, and my grandmother. But that's about it, really. I have no friends. I've been lonely throughout most of my life due to my ability to be unlikable by many. I have very, very bad social anxiety, if it wasn't obvious enough, and it impacts things like work. When I hear people say "oh, work is so boring, school is so boring", I wish I could just find it "boring". School for me is a place of actual hell on Earth. I dread going because I have no friends and I feel so vulnerable. I don't want to be seen by anyone or anything, and I hate it. Pure dread. But yea honestly, I don't really want to exist for my future or do anything. I honestly just have no motivation to be anyone or even be here matter of fact. I have had suicidal thoughts on my mind since I was a 6th grader, and 6 years later, after wasting my youth, I truly believe it won't get better for me, so I decided I want to carry out suicide.
I was friends with a kid I've known since middle school, and I always thought we were so close, we had so many deep and personal conversations, and I've said so much personal shit I've never told anyone in my life over the years. I always wanted to hangout with him because I had no friends throughout the years of high school and was kinda attached to him tbh (not in a sexual way), but I limited myself from hitting him up a lot, we would only hang out like one time a week, and I was always reaching out. Turns out all along he would say I'm a boring fucking loser behind my back and that I am fucked up mentally because I am suicidal. I found out from his actual main friend group when one of them was super high when I was at a hangout with him, and he just told me practically that he sees me as less than human, he deadass doesn't give 2 fucks about me, and used me to fill in the gaps when he was really bored in his life. Explains why he only had the motive to actually hang out with me, because I liked to get him a lot of stuff with my slave money. Like, holy fuck, He is a kid with such a high ego, and he would talk to all his popular party frat drinker smoker bros about my life when asked why he hung out with me behind my back for years. he will continue living his high-end party life with so much attention from girls and a large friend group, and being seen as an attractive person with no social problems and no guilt or apology for the psychological torture he had put on me. And people like me are left to rot. If that's the case why do I have to stay rotting here on this Earth without being punished for eternity?
And recently, my school had towed my car because they didn't see my parking permit when they were doing a lot sweep. Turns out it fell off my mirror and was on my seat but they couldn't bother using their God-gifted eyes to just look inside my car. Ive tried to get it disputed, but honestly, I just don't have the fight in me anymore to go through hours and hours and hours of phone calls and referrals to get a refund for the towing, which wouldn't even be guaranteed money back. -500 dollars out of a loser fucking kid's pocket who has no friends and tries to work 2 jobs to sustain living, and just trying to graduate this miserable fucking school.
The main things that constrain me from killing myself are definitely religion, for 1. It sucks to think of being damned to eternal suffering because you can't handle your worldly problems. I wasn't really raised in a Christian household, but I have a lot of knowledge on the religion, and I do believe in it personally. I believe a lot of my problems just stem from who I am as a person. I hate my face, and I dread looking into a mirror every day, seeing who I look like, and I just can't accept it, honestly. I just want to never be put on this Earth again, and I don't actually have a clue why I exist. 2 is family. It would suck because I have a mother who loves me unconditionally, and my grandmother. But that's about it, really. I have no friends. I've been lonely throughout most of my life due to my ability to be unlikable by many. I have very, very bad social anxiety, if it wasn't obvious enough, and it impacts things like work. When I hear people say "oh, work is so boring, school is so boring", I wish I could just find it "boring". School for me is a place of actual hell on Earth. I dread going because I have no friends and I feel so vulnerable. I don't want to be seen by anyone or anything, and I hate it. Pure dread. But yea honestly, I don't really want to exist for my future or do anything. I honestly just have no motivation to be anyone or even be here matter of fact. I have had suicidal thoughts on my mind since I was a 6th grader, and 6 years later, after wasting my youth, I truly believe it won't get better for me, so I decided I want to carry out suicide.
I was friends with a kid I've known since middle school, and I always thought we were so close, we had so many deep and personal conversations, and I've said so much personal shit I've never told anyone in my life over the years. I always wanted to hangout with him because I had no friends throughout the years of high school and was kinda attached to him tbh (not in a sexual way), but I limited myself from hitting him up a lot, we would only hang out like one time a week, and I was always reaching out. Turns out all along he would say I'm a boring fucking loser behind my back and that I am fucked up mentally because I am suicidal. I found out from his actual main friend group when one of them was super high when I was at a hangout with him, and he just told me practically that he sees me as less than human, he deadass doesn't give 2 fucks about me, and used me to fill in the gaps when he was really bored in his life. Explains why he only had the motive to actually hang out with me, because I liked to get him a lot of stuff with my slave money. Like, holy fuck, He is a kid with such a high ego, and he would talk to all his popular party frat drinker smoker bros about my life when asked why he hung out with me behind my back for years. he will continue living his high-end party life with so much attention from girls and a large friend group, and being seen as an attractive person with no social problems and no guilt or apology for the psychological torture he had put on me. And people like me are left to rot. If that's the case why do I have to stay rotting here on this Earth without being punished for eternity?
And recently, my school had towed my car because they didn't see my parking permit when they were doing a lot sweep. Turns out it fell off my mirror and was on my seat but they couldn't bother using their God-gifted eyes to just look inside my car. Ive tried to get it disputed, but honestly, I just don't have the fight in me anymore to go through hours and hours and hours of phone calls and referrals to get a refund for the towing, which wouldn't even be guaranteed money back. -500 dollars out of a loser fucking kid's pocket who has no friends and tries to work 2 jobs to sustain living, and just trying to graduate this miserable fucking school.
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