Discussion Best place to CBT (by SN)?

[BabyBlueSedan]

I'm still planning everything out and I have a few options. I could do it at my apartment, in a hotel or somewhere outside. I don't know which one's the best option.

Obviously doing it at my apartment would be the easiest way. I live with a roommate but I could easily find a date when she's not gonna be at home for a few hours/days so that wouldn't be a problem. But honestly dying here would be a little depressing. Not to mention, she'd be the person who'd discover my body and I don't want to scar her for life. We're good friends so my death will be traumatizing enough, I don't want to make it even worse.

I could rent out a room in a hotel or airbnb. There's no risk of anyone I care about discovering my body. But do I want to die in an unfamiliar place? Although the thought of running away from everything I know also seems nice. I could even travel to a different country, get completely disconnected. I guess my problem with this option is that I won't know how I feel about dying there until I actually physically get there. What if changing my environment like that will also make me briefly change my mind?

The last option is to do it somewhere outside. This sounds really nice, I'd love to die surrounded by nature. But I'm not sure how feasible that would be, considering I'm planning to CBT by SN.

So what do you think would be the best option here? Also (just out of curiosity), what's the place you've chosen for yourself?

 

[uniqueusername4]

I live alone so I was planning to do apartment but I like the idea of a hotel. Especially if you're planning to do it in the middle of the night, very unlikely that you'd be interrupted. It would be challenging to travel with SN and the antiemetic/benzo I'd think. Going through airport security and customs might get that stuff thrown out.

I think if I were going to do it in a hotel, I might take my own comforter/pillow.

 

[fatladysings]

When my mum finally catches the damn bus, I will be trying short drop hanging. I will be doing this at home in the hallway. If that doesn't work I'll be trying carbon monoxide in our car in the garage. If that doesn't work, then option three is long drop hanging from a telescopic ladder in our driveway. I already have ropes and a telescopic ladder, just patiently waiting for my mum to die. Hopefully one of those three will work. I would love to get my hands on SN so that I had a fourth back up plan but it does seem very difficult to obtain so I'm not betting on getting any. My three methods are centred around my house. I am extremely attached to my house, so much so that I never even go on holiday and never travel very far from my house. I love my house so much and it's very important to me to die in my house, or just outside it.

 

[BabyBlueSedan]

I live alone so I was planning to do apartment but I like the idea of a hotel. Especially if you're planning to do it in the middle of the night, very unlikely that you'd be interrupted. It would be challenging to travel with SN and the antiemetic/benzo I'd think. Going through airport security and customs might get that stuff thrown out.

I think if I were going to do it in a hotel, I might take my own comforter/pillow.

Traveling wouldn't be a problem for me since I live in the EU, I can just take a train.

that's a good idea, I'll definitely bring my pillow and blanket if I decide to go with the hotel.

When my mum finally catches the damn bus, I will be trying short drop hanging. I will be doing this at home in the hallway. If that doesn't work I'll be trying carbon monoxide in our car in the garage. If that doesn't work, then option three is long drop hanging from a telescopic ladder in our driveway. I already have ropes and a telescopic ladder, just patiently waiting for my mum to die. Hopefully one of those three will work. I would love to get my hands on SN so that I had a fourth back up plan but it does seem very difficult to obtain so I'm not betting on getting any. My three methods are centred around my house. I am extremely attached to my house, so much so that I never even go on holiday and never travel very far from my house. I love my house so much and it's very important to me to die in my house, or just outside it.

I understand you completely. I would choose my childhood house if I could. I love being there and I'd like to die in a familiar place.

I also thought that SN would be hard to get but I actually ordered it earlier today and it was very easy. Do you live outside of Europe? Even then, I don't think it'd be that difficult to ship it from here.

 

[fatladysings]

Traveling wouldn't be a problem for me since I live in the EU, I can just take a train.

that's a good idea, I'll definitely bring my pillow and blanket if I decide to go with the hotel.

I understand you completely. I would choose my childhood house if I could. I love being there and I'd like to die in a familiar place.

I also thought that SN would be hard to get but I actually ordered it earlier today and it was very easy. Do you live outside of Europe? Even then, I don't think it'd be that difficult to ship it from here.

No I live inside Europe, I'm in Belfast but I've read a lot of posts in here that would indicate that it's very difficult to get hold of. Do you mind me asking how you managed to get it?

You said in your first post that changing your environment might make you change your mind. Would this not mean that if you permanently moved to a different environment, you would maybe change your mind about ctb'ing? Cos if that's the case, wouldn't it be a good idea for you to think about relocating to somewhere new?

 

[kaylaslovley]

i live with my children so i'm already going to ruin their lifes i planing to book a hotel for the night

 

[BabyBlueSedan]

No I live inside Europe, I'm in Belfast but I've read a lot of posts in here that would indicate that it's very difficult to get hold of. Do you mind me asking how you managed to get it?

You said in your first post that changing your environment might make you change your mind. Would this not mean that if you permanently moved to a different environment, you would maybe change your mind about ctb'ing? Cos if that's the case, wouldn't it be a good idea for you to think about relocating to somewhere new?

I just googled "sodium nitrite buy" in Polish and got results from a few online stores. I picked the one that I've seen people mention on SaSu. I placed an order, they approved it and now I'm waiting for it to get shipped. I'll probably get it tomorrow or on Wednesday. So yeah, overall it was very easy (and cheap).

I changed my environment many times, even moved to a different country. It gets better for a bit but after you adjust it's just back to how it was before. I don't want to give myself any hope anymore, it'll be easier that way.

 

[fatladysings]

I just googled "sodium nitrite buy" in Polish and got results from a few online stores. I picked the one that I've seen people mention on SaSu. I placed an order, they approved it and now I'm waiting for it to get shipped. I'll probably get it tomorrow or on Wednesday. So yeah, overall it was very easy (and cheap).

I changed my environment many times, even moved to a different country. It gets better for a bit but after you adjust it's just back to how it was before. I don't want to give myself any hope anymore, it'll be easier that way.

Thank you very much, you have given me hope that I will be able to buy it. I will try buying some tonight.

I'm sorry to hear that you find it easier not to have any hope that things will get better, but I find it so interesting that moving to a new location helps you for a while. Something similar happened to me. I was bipolar in my mid teens to mid twenties, then went to university in a different country (England), and the bipolar disease seemed to go away for a while.

Have you had any more thoughts about where you want to ctb? You said you didn't want to traumatise your room mate so you were thinking of either a hotel or outside - have you decided which? I would like to die outside if it was daytime but I wouldn't fancy being outside at night. You and uniqueusername4 have given me the idea of going to a hotel. I think if I could get some SN I would forget about the long drop hanging and I too would try SN in a hotel.

 

[BabyBlueSedan]

Thank you very much, you have given me hope that I will be able to buy it. I will try buying some tonight.

I'm sorry to hear that you find it easier not to have any hope that things will get better, but I find it so interesting that moving to a new location helps you for a while. Something similar happened to me. I was bipolar in my mid teens to mid twenties, then went to university in a different country (England), and the bipolar disease seemed to go away for a while.

Have you had any more thoughts about where you want to ctb? You said you didn't want to traumatise your room mate so you were thinking of either a hotel or outside - have you decided which? I would like to die outside if it was daytime but I wouldn't fancy being outside at night. You and uniqueusername4 have given me the idea of going to a hotel. I think if I could get some SN I would forget about the long drop hanging and I too would try SN in a hotel.

No problem, I hope you find it. According to this post SN might not be available in all European countries but if you don't mind the shipping cost you could try to get it from other countries.

I think in my case the excitement of being in a new place overshadowed my depression. I felt like I was living a different life.

I'm leaning towards going to a hotel. Dying outside sounds nice but it's not very practical and it doesn't give me a lot of privacy. It's funny you mentioned that you wouldn't want to be outside at night. That's how my previous suicide attempts failed. I was trying to hang myself but it was so dark I couldn't tie the rope properly. I remember when I was a kid and I was lying down on a hammock during summer, looking at the sky and I thought to myself "I could die right now and I wouldn't mind". That's why I always wanted to die outside, to recreate that feeling. But unfortunately it's not very realistic.
Why would you choose a hotel over your house if you'd have SN?

 

[fatladysings]

No problem, I hope you find it. According to this post SN might not be available in all European countries but if you don't mind the shipping cost you could try to get it from other countries.

I think in my case the excitement of being in a new place overshadowed my depression. I felt like I was living a different life.

I'm leaning towards going to a hotel. Dying outside sounds nice but it's not very practical and it doesn't give me a lot of privacy. It's funny you mentioned that you wouldn't want to be outside at night. That's how my previous suicide attempts failed. I was trying to hang myself but it was so dark I couldn't tie the rope properly. I remember when I was a kid and I was lying down on a hammock during summer, looking at the sky and I thought to myself "I could die right now and I wouldn't mind". That's why I always wanted to die outside, to recreate that feeling. But unfortunately it's not very realistic.
Why would you choose a hotel over your house if you'd have SN?

Sorry to hear you tried to ctb and failed. Short drop hanging is my number one choice, I'm hoping it works for me. But you are right about dying outside, you don't get a lot of privacy and you run the risk of somebody interrupting you and that's the absolutely last thing anybody wants.

I felt the same way about being in a new place, it overshadowed my depression for a while. I think when you move somewhere new, you have so much going on that you just forget about your depression. But only for a while.

The reason I'm thinking about a hotel instead of my house is because it would mean that my cousin will not be the person that finds me, it will be someone at the hotel. It's the same situation as you and your roommate - you are worried about scarring her for life. I don't think my cousin would end up scarred for life but I do think it would affect him and I would prefer to be found by an anonymous stranger at a hotel. Like you, I like uniqueusername4's idea of bringing a favourite blanket. I know which one I'd pick - I have a Christmas fleece for my bed which I love cos I love Christmas, and I would bring that with me to the hotel. I do hate to think of it getting covered in vomit though, but there's not a lot I can do about that - one of the disadvantages of SN.