Help Best method suggestions. Checklist suggestions.

[eternapeace]

I'm newly registered but I've been browsing this site (looking at available methods and also reading through some of the normal discussion threads) for the past 3 weeks or so after a certain event caused me to seriously consider ctb. I'm still thinking about the best method to ctb as well as trying to come up with a checklist of things I need to do before ctb.

Like most people here, I'm interested in a method that is relatively painless, has low chance of failure and low risk of being found, and doesn't cause (too much) disfiguration or otherwise traumatize other people.

Originally, I was most interested in N2/inert gas method, but have some doubts that I will be able to pull it off the way I want as I don't have any base experience regarding the equipment. I currently live with my parents/not alone and I fear accidental canister explosion while in storage. I'm also unsure how to test trial this method, and I also want to be out of the house when testing just in case because I don't want to accidentally kill my parents. I live in California (if that matters) and wondering if it's legal to obtain N2 and is it better to order gas and equipment online or to go to a welding store? My original plan was to drive off somewhere late night when all my loved ones should be sleeping. Text them before the deed (maybe schedule a delayed text if I can figure out how) warning them that I attempted to ctb with inert gas and to stay away from the car and let professionals handle it. And then attempt ctb in my car.

I'm also seeing that SN and N are popular methods and am willing to give either of those a shot. It seems that the main downside is that ingredients are difficult to obtain at the moment. Any recommendation between SN, N, and N2? Again, I live in California and currently do not live alone. I'm guessing there's no way to test trial SN or N.

Hanging is my 4th preferred option if the previous 3 aren't a good idea/not available for whatever reason. Hanging seems more SI-inducing and when I look at hanging threads it seems there's not really a consensus on a position that works. I also don't have a great place to hang at home nor would I want to do that to my parents. Would probably need to book a hotel room (not even sure if hotel rooms would have a great place to hang) or just drive off somewhere far away/remote and find a nice tree to hang from.

Death by firearm seems great from a lethality perspective but it seems harder to obtain a firearm in California and I don't have experience operating firearms. And well, the disfiguration/mess...



I could also use some advice on a checklist of things to do before I ctb. My estate is pretty simple thankfully. This is what I've thought of so far (feel free to add to the list if there's something you think I should do that I haven't thought of). Sorry in advance for any questions that seem stupid.

1. Will - I don't think I have to leave a will. My understanding is that my money will be distributed evenly among my immediate family members if I don't write a will. And that's fine by me as I have a good relationship with everyone in my immediate family.
2. Suicide note(s) (detailing why I ctb/telling people I love them, etc.) - My immediate family will already know why I ctb (it's been an ongoing problem for over a decade). But I may write some notes for a few people outside of my immediate family. Do I need to leave a note for police so they know it's a suicide? Should the note be handwritten or typed? Where should I leave the note? At the suicide scene or at home?
3. Passwords/Accounts - Should I deactivate bank account/email/other important stuff? Or should I just give my passwords to a loved one? How can I securely give my passwords to a loved one without alerting them that I will immediately ctb?
4. Browsing History/Delete data - Will delete browser history. Probably delete everything on my computer and junk my computer before ctb. If anyone has technical knowledge on best way to thoroughly delete everything I would appreciate the advice.

 

[Jimblue]

I am new here as well. I am here to find a peaceful way to my new journey. I am thinking about taking overdose in a hotel. I don't live alone so I need to find somewhere make sure that no one will send me to A and E. I am thinking about if I should leave a note or something. I don't want to waste too much resource of police or anyone else. To be honest, I don't want to scare of the people in hotel. But I am struggling to find a secure place. Anyone have any advice? Thank you, Jim

 

[BornToFail]

Death by firearm is a choice I would go with. With a shotgun you don't need too much experience. And experience is something you can gain, go to the range whenever possible. I mean, I hope this doesn't sound dumb but ending your life is something that I would do anything for. I would look into traveling out of Cali if you really want a firearm. I hope this helps.

As far as browsing history deleting it won't help too much. I would destroy the hard drive. I can possibly give more info on this if you would like.

 

[eternapeace]

Death by firearm is a choice I would go with. With a shotgun you don't need too much experience. And experience is something you can gain, go to the range whenever possible. I mean, I hope this doesn't sound dumb but ending your life is something that I would do anything for. I would look into traveling out of Cali if you really want a firearm. I hope this helps.

As far as browsing history deleting it won't help too much. I would destroy the hard drive. I can possibly give more info on this if you would like.

I think firearm is less preferred because I don't want my loved ones seeing me headless. But it's still on the table I guess if the other 4 aren't viable for some reason.
I can understand the desperation to ctb. I think that's why most of us are here on this forum.
Where do you recommend I travel (just in case) to obtain a firearm?
I have a regular hard drive and a ssd. Would be interested in knowing the best way of destroying both after wiping the data if you don't mind sharing.

 

[wljourney]

When I started out planning more seriously (after a few attempts with medications and partial suspension) I too was drawn to the gasses. It sounds so peaceful, right?
I even bought a regulator and then realized buying a tank that is large enough to have sufficient gas to not "run out" half way is really challenging. Especially if you are not living alone in a house. It is rather suspicious to carry a larger gas tank into an apartment building. It also turned out to be QUITE expensive - not the gas itself, but the deposit for the canister.

You would definitely need enough gas to do a test run and that would be rather difficult in your living situation. How would you hide that setup? I also can't recommend leaving a gas cylinder in a car in California. Maybe when it gets colder, but not in the hot sun. And setting everything up in a car for a test run is rather challenging without being noticed.

Long story short:
After reading the PPeH (which I suppose you have found in the pinned posts?) I knew it had to be N or SN for me.
While N is currently not an option, SN is still available with a bit of luck and patience. The cost is comparatively low and the setup/preparation fairly uncomplicated.

Many people prefer Fentanyl or other street drugs since they know how to access them.
I wouldn't even know where to start. Walmart??? LOL

Long story short, I recommend reading the whole PPeH. Keep an open mind about other methods while working through it.

And in the meantime I would start thinking about decluttering. Just doing a bit of cleaning up. Donating things. Sorting through paperwork. all these things take time and they are also quite therapeutic. You know you are ready to CTB when you are o.k. with letting go of "things".

 

[eternapeace]

I am new here as well. I am here to find a peaceful way to my new journey. I am thinking about taking overdose in a hotel. I don't live alone so I need to find somewhere make sure that no one will send me to A and E. I am thinking about if I should leave a note or something. I don't want to waste too much resource of police or anyone else. To be honest, I don't want to scare of the people in hotel. But I am struggling to find a secure place. Anyone have any advice? Thank you, Jim

What is the meaning "A" and "E"? Please PM thank you.

 

[eternapeace]

When I started out planning more seriously (after a few attempts with medications and partial suspension) I too was drawn to the gasses. It sounds so peaceful, right?
I even bought a regulator and then realized buying a tank that is large enough to have sufficient gas to not "run out" half way is really challenging. Especially if you are not living alone in a house. It is rather suspicious to carry a larger gas tank into an apartment building. It also turned out to be QUITE expensive - not the gas itself, but the deposit for the canister.

You would definitely need enough gas to do a test run and that would be rather difficult in your living situation. How would you hide that setup? I also can't recommend leaving a gas cylinder in a car in California. Maybe when it gets colder, but not in the hot sun. And setting everything up in a car for a test run is rather challenging without being noticed.

Long story short:
After reading the PPeH (which I suppose you have found in the pinned posts?) I knew it had to be N or SN for me.
While N is currently not an option, SN is still available with a bit of luck and patience. The cost is comparatively low and the setup/preparation fairly uncomplicated.

Many people prefer Fentanyl or other street drugs since they know how to access them.
I wouldn't even know where to start. Walmart??? LOL

Long story short, I recommend reading the whole PPeH. Keep an open mind about other methods while working through it.

And in the meantime I would start thinking about decluttering. Just doing a bit of cleaning up. Donating things. Sorting through paperwork. all these things take time and they are also quite therapeutic. You know you are ready to CTB when you are o.k. with letting go of "things".

I live at my parents' house (not an apartment). I can possibly hide the tank in my room (nobody goes in my room except myself), but I'm concerned about accidental gas leakage/explosion.
I won't mind the expense of a large tank. I mean I won't really need money when I'm dead (albeit less will go to my beneficiaries).
Yeah it's been hot as hell in Cali. Now getting better finally.
How do you even test run? I would test run in the dark/early morning so there's not much change I would be noticed (I think).

I haven't read PPeH but I will look into it thank you.

I haven't had many social connections (voluntary choice). And I'll be quitting my job in 1-2 months to make it easier to let go.

Donating things seems like a good idea although it may arouse suspicion. Good thing I don't have many possessions. What kind of paperwork were you thinking about?

 

[wljourney]

I live at my parents' house (not an apartment). I can possibly hide the tank in my room (nobody goes in my room except myself), but I'm concerned about accidental gas leakage/explosion.
I won't mind the expense of a large tank. I mean I won't really need money when I'm dead (albeit less will go to my beneficiaries).
Yeah it's been hot as hell in Cali. Now getting better finally.
How do you even test run? I would test run in the dark/early morning so there's not much change I would be noticed (I think).

I haven't read PPeH but I will look into it thank you.

I haven't had many social connections (voluntary choice). And I'll be quitting my job in 1-2 months to make it easier to let go.

Donating things seems like a good idea although it may arouse suspicion. Good thing I don't have many possessions. What kind of paperwork were you thinking about?

I think you'll get a better idea of what the setup involves once you have looked at the PPeH.
It's worth the time and effort.

Many of us withdraw from friends and jobs, it makes it overall easier to let go. Yes. The chosen loneliness is often easier to carry knowing that we are not sharing our suffering with others. Even if they would like to help with our burden.

Donating things can be anything from clothes you haven't worn in a while or gadgets that you think have value for someone else but you haven't used them in a while. Sorting through a pile of old cell phones, making sure they get destroyed properly.... things like that. If someone asks you, you can claim that you have been inspired by "minimalism" and have watched some youtube videos about simple living. It can actually really help to let go of "stuff" and make you feel "lighter" overall.

Paperwork - it depends how old you are and if you have lived on your own for some time, but I am thinking of old car insurance bills. Receipts. Any kind of paper mail that you thought you may need to keep but now have energy bills for 4 years in a shoe box under your bed. Stuff like that. I have started shredding my journals. Giving away books that I won't ever read again.

 

[BornToFail]

I think firearm is less preferred because I don't want my loved ones seeing me headless. But it's still on the table I guess if the other 4 aren't viable for some reason.
I can understand the desperation to ctb. I think that's why most of us are here on this forum.
Where do you recommend I travel (just in case) to obtain a firearm?
I have a regular hard drive and a ssd. Would be interested in knowing the best way of destroying both after wiping the data if you don't mind sharing.

I understand that completely, I would say the midwest, WI is good. I can only really speak for here as I am located there. Gun laws are pretty lax here, though I haven't gotten one yet due to lack of cash. I can give you resources on the hard drive, do you want to pm?

 

[eternapeace]

I think you'll get a better idea of what the setup involves once you have looked at the PPeH.
It's worth the time and effort.

Many of us withdraw from friends and jobs, it makes it overall easier to let go. Yes. The chosen loneliness is often easier to carry knowing that we are not sharing our suffering with others. Even if they would like to help with our burden.

Donating things can be anything from clothes you haven't worn in a while or gadgets that you think have value for someone else but you haven't used them in a while. Sorting through a pile of old cell phones, making sure they get destroyed properly.... things like that. If someone asks you, you can claim that you have been inspired by "minimalism" and have watched some youtube videos about simple living. It can actually really help to let go of "stuff" and make you feel "lighter" overall.

Paperwork - it depends how old you are and if you have lived on your own for some time, but I am thinking of old car insurance bills. Receipts. Any kind of paper mail that you thought you may need to keep but now have energy bills for 4 years in a shoe box under your bed. Stuff like that. I have started shredding my journals. Giving away books that I won't ever read again.

Yes I'll look at PPeH and check out the relevant megathreads again.

Gotcha. I don't think I'll need to do much work regarding my possessions. I have very few and I trust that my immediate family members will know what to do with them.

Thank you for the replies.

I understand that completely, I would say the midwest, WI is good. I can only really speak for here as I am located there. Gun laws are pretty lax here, though I haven't gotten one yet due to lack of cash. I can give you resources on the hard drive, do you want to pm?

Sure feel free to PM.

 

[theboy]

You can write in your note that it is indeed a suicide. If you want to leave a note to be saved, then write it by hand. Otherwise, a note in Word works fine. You can leave the note under your pillow, on your nightstand, in your closet.
You can write a specific note (extra note or note 2) indicating the passwords and banking access. If you choose this option, then do not deactivate your bank accounts.

 

[Jimblue]

What is the meaning "A" and "E"? Please PM thank you.

A and E means Accident and Emergency Unit in hospital. Each time I took overdose, people managed to find me in short time. 4 years ago, I took 200 tablets in a hotel. But the police and ambulance sent me to A and E, then ICU. And I waked up after few days.

I don't live alone and my husband would not agree that don't send me to hospital if I took overdose. I tried to hang myself but it's very painful before it works. I checked this method would took 15 minutes to work. And in this 15 minutes, your mind will be very clearly to know which going on. I guess it would be longest 15 minutes in life.

These is also something that I considered which will be I am actually not British citizen. I don't not to myself on evening news if my plan has worked. But I guess I won't know it.

Personally I don't mind turning to vegetables, but I don't like to waste hospital's resource. I would like to know, can I leave a note said please don't rescue me if I am going to live as a vegetables?

 

[eternapeace]

A and E means Accident and Emergency Unit in hospital. Each time I took overdose, people managed to find me in short time. 4 years ago, I took 200 tablets in a hotel. But the police and ambulance sent me to A and E, then ICU. And I waked up after few days.

I don't live alone and my husband would not agree that don't send me to hospital if I took overdose. I tried to hang myself but it's very painful before it works. I checked this method would took 15 minutes to work. And in this 15 minutes, your mind will be very clearly to know which going on. I guess it would be longest 15 minutes in life.

These is also something that I considered which will be I am actually not British citizen. I don't not to myself on evening news if my plan has worked. But I guess I won't know it.

Personally I don't mind turning to vegetables, but I don't like to waste hospital's resource. I would like to know, can I leave a note said please don't rescue me if I am going to live as a vegetables?

Thanks for clarifying.

Yes that's why I was interested in the inert gas method first. Because after a few breaths you supposedly already go unconscious.

I've read that partial hanging can be relatively painless if done right. I'm guessing you've resorted to hanging because you don't have access to N or SN?

I would/will write in my note to let me die if I end up a vegetable. Not sure if anybody will oblige, but it's worth a shot.

 

[Jimblue]

Thanks for clarifying.

Yes that's why I was interested in the inert gas method first. Because after a few breaths you supposedly already go unconscious.

I've read that partial hanging can be relatively painless if done right. I'm guessing you've resorted to hanging because you don't have access to N or SN?

I would/will write in my note to let me die if I end up a vegetable. Not sure if anybody will oblige, but it's worth a shot.

My husband tried gas before and it's actually hard to work. Personally I don't prefer hanging, it may cause vomiting and incontinence in last stage of life. And I think it's very scary for the people find my body. I don't want to give hotel hostess PTSD or anything like that. I want to be find in peace way like sleeping in bed. I don't live in USA, so I don't know the SN or N sold here is same thing or not. I have mental illness so I have lots of drugs. And I know which drugs to take to go to different world. I don't want an investigation about what happened to me, there will be no point in that time. I don't want to people think my husband abused me and caused what happened. So I will leave a note to say I have untreatable illnesses so this is the reason. I can not decide if I should leave my ID on the side of me or hiding my identity.

I don't know for my husband, he would prefer my status is "missing" or "gone to different world".

I guess I have to traveling as far as possible, ideally leave England. And I probably need to book a hotel for a week. It's not going to be cheap. I need to save some money for that. At movement, the living cost here is very high. And I just able to afford living. And my husband is in difficult time at movement. I guess I need to wait for a better time and that is pain.

My husband's bipolar disorder is getting worse and worse. And today I do feeling it's really hard to me to handle him. People advise me find a different man and I may getting better. But I realised that I am too damaged to be any others decent wife now. I decided to accept that no one would ever love me in this entire life. And in the past, I had few rabbits had passed way due to age, I may meet them again in different world. And may be in that place, I can be around with my loving pets and finally be peace and happy.

 

[outrider567]

I'm newly registered but I've been browsing this site (looking at available methods and also reading through some of the normal discussion threads) for the past 3 weeks or so after a certain event caused me to seriously consider ctb. I'm still thinking about the best method to ctb as well as trying to come up with a checklist of things I need to do before ctb.

Like most people here, I'm interested in a method that is relatively painless, has low chance of failure and low risk of being found, and doesn't cause (too much) disfiguration or otherwise traumatize other people.

Originally, I was most interested in N2/inert gas method, but have some doubts that I will be able to pull it off the way I want as I don't have any base experience regarding the equipment. I currently live with my parents/not alone and I fear accidental canister explosion while in storage. I'm also unsure how to test trial this method, and I also want to be out of the house when testing just in case because I don't want to accidentally kill my parents. I live in California (if that matters) and wondering if it's legal to obtain N2 and is it better to order gas and equipment online or to go to a welding store? My original plan was to drive off somewhere late night when all my loved ones should be sleeping. Text them before the deed (maybe schedule a delayed text if I can figure out how) warning them that I attempted to ctb with inert gas and to stay away from the car and let professionals handle it. And then attempt ctb in my car.

I'm also seeing that SN and N are popular methods and am willing to give either of those a shot. It seems that the main downside is that ingredients are difficult to obtain at the moment. Any recommendation between SN, N, and N2? Again, I live in California and currently do not live alone. I'm guessing there's no way to test trial SN or N.

Hanging is my 4th preferred option if the previous 3 aren't a good idea/not available for whatever reason. Hanging seems more SI-inducing and when I look at hanging threads it seems there's not really a consensus on a position that works. I also don't have a great place to hang at home nor would I want to do that to my parents. Would probably need to book a hotel room (not even sure if hotel rooms would have a great place to hang) or just drive off somewhere far away/remote and find a nice tree to hang from.

Death by firearm seems great from a lethality perspective but it seems harder to obtain a firearm in California and I don't have experience operating firearms. And well, the disfiguration/mess...



I could also use some advice on a checklist of things to do before I ctb. My estate is pretty simple thankfully. This is what I've thought of so far (feel free to add to the list if there's something you think I should do that I haven't thought of). Sorry in advance for any questions that seem stupid.

1. Will - I don't think I have to leave a will. My understanding is that my money will be distributed evenly among my immediate family members if I don't write a will. And that's fine by me as I have a good relationship with everyone in my immediate family.
2. Suicide note(s) (detailing why I ctb/telling people I love them, etc.) - My immediate family will already know why I ctb (it's been an ongoing problem for over a decade). But I may write some notes for a few people outside of my immediate family. Do I need to leave a note for police so they know it's a suicide? Should the note be handwritten or typed? Where should I leave the note? At the suicide scene or at home?
3. Passwords/Accounts - Should I deactivate bank account/email/other important stuff? Or should I just give my passwords to a loved one? How can I securely give my passwords to a loved one without alerting them that I will immediately ctb?
4. Browsing History/Delete data - Will delete browser history. Probably delete everything on my computer and junk my computer before ctb. If anyone has technical knowledge on best way to thoroughly delete everything I would appreciate the advice.

Nitrogen tank won't explode as long as you don't let it drop onto concrete, and when was the last time you heard of a CTB'er's Nitrogen tank exploding anyway??---Since you are in the US (California), its perfectly legal to order filled Nitrogen tanks online, and its quite easy to do, as well as ordering all the other stuff

 

[JustBill104]

I am new here as well. I am here to find a peaceful way to my new journey. I am thinking about taking overdose in a hotel. I don't live alone so I need to find somewhere make sure that no one will send me to A and E. I am thinking about if I should leave a note or something. I don't want to waste too much resource of police or anyone else. To be honest, I don't want to scare of the people in hotel. But I am struggling to find a secure place. Anyone have any advice? Thank you, Jim

I wish I could help you, for me finding a location has been my whole problem, I really don't want to be found until there's nothing left of my body other then Bones, I keep looking for places up in the Mountains, but having little luck so far, thought a long time about taking a small boat out in the ocean, but my fear of drowning kinda prevents that method.

 

[eternapeace]

My husband tried gas before and it's actually hard to work. Personally I don't prefer hanging, it may cause vomiting and incontinence in last stage of life. And I think it's very scary for the people find my body. I don't want to give hotel hostess PTSD or anything like that. I want to be find in peace way like sleeping in bed. I don't live in USA, so I don't know the SN or N sold here is same thing or not. I have mental illness so I have lots of drugs. And I know which drugs to take to go to different world. I don't want an investigation about what happened to me, there will be no point in that time. I don't want to people think my husband abused me and caused what happened. So I will leave a note to say I have untreatable illnesses so this is the reason. I can not decide if I should leave my ID on the side of me or hiding my identity.

I don't know for my husband, he would prefer my status is "missing" or "gone to different world".

I guess I have to traveling as far as possible, ideally leave England. And I probably need to book a hotel for a week. It's not going to be cheap. I need to save some money for that. At movement, the living cost here is very high. And I just able to afford living. And my husband is in difficult time at movement. I guess I need to wait for a better time and that is pain.

My husband's bipolar disorder is getting worse and worse. And today I do feeling it's really hard to me to handle him. People advise me find a different man and I may getting better. But I realised that I am too damaged to be any others decent wife now. I decided to accept that no one would ever love me in this entire life. And in the past, I had few rabbits had passed way due to age, I may meet them again in different world. And may be in that place, I can be around with my loving pets and finally be peace and happy.

I have switched my interest from gas method to SN. I think SN will work whether it's food grade or whatever-the-other grade is. Just needs to be higher purity (~99%).

Leaving a note with the true reason for ctb is probably a good idea...unless you want revenge on your husband for mistreating you.

Why are you planning a week at a hotel? I was thinking 2-3 days would be good enough to carry out the deed and be isolated long enough to not be possibly saved. From what I've seen on this forum, most people who ctb/plan to ctb at a hotel only book 1 day.

Similar situation here. I've been advised to look for a different girl, but I think I have too much mental/emotional baggage now and plus I just don't want to/can't let go. I've been gradually coming to terms with the fact that the only way for me to "move on"/"move forward" (I hate it when people use those words) is to ctb.

For what it's worth, you seem like a kind person so I believe you have a chance to find someone that would be interested in you. If thinking nobody else could love you is the reason you're staying with your husband, then I believe you may be able to solve your problem without ctb, and I hope you can to be honest.

Nitrogen tank won't explode as long as you don't let it drop onto concrete, and when was the last time you heard of a CTB'er's Nitrogen tank exploding anyway??---Since you are in the US (California), its perfectly legal to order filled Nitrogen tanks online, and its quite easy to do, as well as ordering all the other stuff

Ah, good to know that it's legal. I've switched to a different method for now but if for some reason I ever have to attempt inert gas ctb, I'll remember. Thanks.

I think the really tough part (for dumbs like me) is the complication of figuring out how to assemble the equipment and operate it and test without accidentally killing myself prematurely/getting brain damage/killing other people.

I never heard of it (explosion) but then again I don't really remember reading or hearing about many suicides anyway. Didn't even know inert gas method, charcoal method, and certain other methods existed until I started doing research for my own ctb.

I wish I could help you, for me finding a location has been my whole problem, I really don't want to be found until there's nothing left of my body other then Bones, I keep looking for places up in the Mountains, but having little luck so far, thought a long time about taking a small boat out in the ocean, but my fear of drowning kinda prevents that method.

Maybe take a small boat but ctb using a different method and figure out a way to guarantee boat sinks/your body gets in the water afterwards.