awaitinglove
what a terrible mess i've made of my life
- Apr 30, 2023
- 60
ok for starters i was involved in seeking mental health treatment for nearly the last decade. I remember I was about 10-11 years old when i first tried seeking treatment at 17-19 i was genuinely dedicated to wanting to change. this meant i had to go to group and individual therapy. I was always the youngest one and got told that i was so lucky to recognize how much mental help I needed, but reflecting on it now (i'll be 21 in a few months) I feel like this isn't the privilege many people think it is. Many people who would acknowledge my "privilege" were over 30 so i guess i understand their perspective but this isn't a blessing to me. i feel like i'll be trapped in this endless cycle of wanting to change and do better until i decide to CTB. yes, i learned a lot in treatment and from the people i experienced being with but idk i feel guilty for feeling like this was a curse. i'm sure if i was seeking treatment any older than i did i would've still felt like shit but it's unfortunate that i recognized A LOT as a really young person.
