Forgive my English, I'm from Brazil, English isn't my first language.
I'm a black gay man, 37yo, never had any romantic relationship, never had a decent job. Being truly ugly affected me so terribly in life that I wasn't able to study properly, never got an actual career. There's many types of ugly people, I was able to see that in life. Society usually calls "ugly" people who are just not exactly within the very rigid social standards of today. There are many people who aren't considered "pretty" but are, in their own specific way sexually attractive, arousing. That's not my case. I am what I call TRULLY ugly. Irredeemable. Every single feature of my face looks exactly like what should repulse people.
I Recently had a job interview, but it's always the same: Once they see my face, they clearly start to make the training process harder for me, by concealing studying material, messing with deadlines and everything else!
My adoptive parents HATE me like the devil, because they brought this disgraceful creature into their lives, like it was my fault, I wasn't even a week old when they adopted me. Ever since my face naturally turned into this malformed thing, in adolescence, they blame me like Satan for having to share their resources between me and my sister, who is their biologic child and happens to have their genetics and is quite good looking. My mother HATES that she wasn't able to invest her money entirely on my sister, she sees me as a leech, and I've really become that, much due to the way she treated me. She constantly tries to provoke me into attacking her physically, so that she can either kill me, claiming self-defense or call the cops on me, possibly as a way to be rid of me. I have become mentally impaired, because of this and, coupled with being ugly, you can imagine who on Earth would hire me for any minimally decent job.
I have no friends, and, through time, I have acquired a very negative personality, after being so mistreated because of my looks, though I don't treat anyone badly because of that. Hypocritical people usually tell me that this personality is the reason why I have no friends or relationships, when deep down they probably laugh and know that no one in their right mind would want to be friends with someone this ugly and who is SUCH a loser! I see sociopaths and felons everyday having a much healthier social life than mine ever was!
Every man I had a relation with was with me solely for the little money I gave to him, and in every single time they made it clear that the experience was a total nightmare for them, and that they'd prefer literally any other gay man or woman in the world rather than me.
Whenever I have some bucks left, I go to cheap, lame bars here in my town in the interior of Brazil. I usually choose these places because they're already filled with losers, very poor people and people with foul appearances, but recently, I managed to get kicked out from a place like this by the owner without having done anything disrespectful, thanks to my "undesirable appearance". Just for being hard to look at. Coping with not having relationships and sex was totally futile, because even though I accepted that harsh reality, other people aren't satisfied. They literally want me NOT to exist.
This is why I say that being ugly makes me feel as if I had been buried alive. I may be relatively healthy, polite, respectful, but not only it is useless for me to want to go out and try to make friends, or hook up with anyone, as whenever I go out just by myself, I get humiliated by people who feel offended by how ugly I am. I recently got into some SERIOUS problem when I tried to defend my right to just be a paying customer at a bar, because I wasn't doing anything wrong to be told to go out! The bar owner, who happens to be a drug lord of some kind has put me in a sort of "black list" and, whenever I go out anywhere in my small town, I get harassed somehow by other bar owners and by gang members! I wished to know how people who say that "looks don't matter that much" would deal with this in my place, when they saw that being ugly can even get them in trouble with the local mafia.
Plastic surgery isn't an option, because, despite the fact that I would gladly undergo as many as necessary, I'm unemployed and live in a 3rd world country, where make ends meet is already impossible. The amount of surgeries I'd need would be in sum of tens of thousands in Brazilian money.
Everyone can think by that how I get revolted when I see people complaining that being too good looking is hell on Earth, yet, they marry equally good looking people, rich people, or even both. They have motivation to pursue their careers and everything else. Most of them aren't so detested by their own parents and they can never fathom the idea of being kicked from ANY public place without having done anything wrong. I'm literally a subhuman being, and i can only HOPE that I'm able to remember all that very vividly, when I'm in front of my SN cup next month and the survival instinct kicks in. Because if the life I lived can't beat survival instinct, I don't think anything else can!
I'm a black gay man, 37yo, never had any romantic relationship, never had a decent job. Being truly ugly affected me so terribly in life that I wasn't able to study properly, never got an actual career. There's many types of ugly people, I was able to see that in life. Society usually calls "ugly" people who are just not exactly within the very rigid social standards of today. There are many people who aren't considered "pretty" but are, in their own specific way sexually attractive, arousing. That's not my case. I am what I call TRULLY ugly. Irredeemable. Every single feature of my face looks exactly like what should repulse people.
I Recently had a job interview, but it's always the same: Once they see my face, they clearly start to make the training process harder for me, by concealing studying material, messing with deadlines and everything else!
My adoptive parents HATE me like the devil, because they brought this disgraceful creature into their lives, like it was my fault, I wasn't even a week old when they adopted me. Ever since my face naturally turned into this malformed thing, in adolescence, they blame me like Satan for having to share their resources between me and my sister, who is their biologic child and happens to have their genetics and is quite good looking. My mother HATES that she wasn't able to invest her money entirely on my sister, she sees me as a leech, and I've really become that, much due to the way she treated me. She constantly tries to provoke me into attacking her physically, so that she can either kill me, claiming self-defense or call the cops on me, possibly as a way to be rid of me. I have become mentally impaired, because of this and, coupled with being ugly, you can imagine who on Earth would hire me for any minimally decent job.
I have no friends, and, through time, I have acquired a very negative personality, after being so mistreated because of my looks, though I don't treat anyone badly because of that. Hypocritical people usually tell me that this personality is the reason why I have no friends or relationships, when deep down they probably laugh and know that no one in their right mind would want to be friends with someone this ugly and who is SUCH a loser! I see sociopaths and felons everyday having a much healthier social life than mine ever was!
Every man I had a relation with was with me solely for the little money I gave to him, and in every single time they made it clear that the experience was a total nightmare for them, and that they'd prefer literally any other gay man or woman in the world rather than me.
Whenever I have some bucks left, I go to cheap, lame bars here in my town in the interior of Brazil. I usually choose these places because they're already filled with losers, very poor people and people with foul appearances, but recently, I managed to get kicked out from a place like this by the owner without having done anything disrespectful, thanks to my "undesirable appearance". Just for being hard to look at. Coping with not having relationships and sex was totally futile, because even though I accepted that harsh reality, other people aren't satisfied. They literally want me NOT to exist.
This is why I say that being ugly makes me feel as if I had been buried alive. I may be relatively healthy, polite, respectful, but not only it is useless for me to want to go out and try to make friends, or hook up with anyone, as whenever I go out just by myself, I get humiliated by people who feel offended by how ugly I am. I recently got into some SERIOUS problem when I tried to defend my right to just be a paying customer at a bar, because I wasn't doing anything wrong to be told to go out! The bar owner, who happens to be a drug lord of some kind has put me in a sort of "black list" and, whenever I go out anywhere in my small town, I get harassed somehow by other bar owners and by gang members! I wished to know how people who say that "looks don't matter that much" would deal with this in my place, when they saw that being ugly can even get them in trouble with the local mafia.
Plastic surgery isn't an option, because, despite the fact that I would gladly undergo as many as necessary, I'm unemployed and live in a 3rd world country, where make ends meet is already impossible. The amount of surgeries I'd need would be in sum of tens of thousands in Brazilian money.
Everyone can think by that how I get revolted when I see people complaining that being too good looking is hell on Earth, yet, they marry equally good looking people, rich people, or even both. They have motivation to pursue their careers and everything else. Most of them aren't so detested by their own parents and they can never fathom the idea of being kicked from ANY public place without having done anything wrong. I'm literally a subhuman being, and i can only HOPE that I'm able to remember all that very vividly, when I'm in front of my SN cup next month and the survival instinct kicks in. Because if the life I lived can't beat survival instinct, I don't think anything else can!
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