Venting Being too timid has destroyed my life

[Sadboyspecimen]

All of my life I have had so much trouble in fitting in with people. I have come to find that the majority of people I come across are absolutely shitty. Racist. Homophobic. Always shit talking to me about other people. And I never learned to stand up for myself, let alone standing up for the victims of who the nasty talk was targeted towards. I've always just agreed with others for the sake of avoiding conflict and trying to avoid the negative attention being turned towards me.

In the past few days I have come to the realization that me being weak and not standing up and telling people to stop saying all of these horrible things has had a serious negative impact on the way people see me. I have also come to understand that a large percentage if not all of the people coming forward to say these things do not actually think and believe the things that they are saying, but rather think that I'm the one who believes all of these and are really coming forward to test how I will react to the horrible things they are saying.

I have developed such a skewed perception of reality. I rarely leave my home and try to socialize because I just generally think most people are horrible and when I do i still just agree to avoid becoming the target. But this realization has really made so much that has happened in my life finally make sense. I really think my life could have been great had I developed a backbone early on in life. But my reputation is pretty damaged beyond repair at this point.

I'm nearing my last days on earth and I just want to make it known if only amongst the people here that never once have I ever engaged in any kind of hateful behavior towards a person of a different race or sexual orientation or sex. I'm just absolutely terrified of people who do and never learned to tell them off.

 

[foreverfalling]

Yeah all social interactions are a kind of fight, people sizing each other up and taking jabs at each other. I've always taken words at face value, only to feel confused and then realise much later the hidden meanings to them. As such I've avoided most of these interactions because they never made sense to me and to avoid being taken advantage of. But I always end up with the short end of the stick anyway. At this point I've lost all hope and trust in people. Wanting to be authentic in this world will just get you eaten. But like you it's become who I am, there's no hope in changing, and in fact I don't feel like I'd want to be one of them horrible people. It's a sad idealism, and the fact that I know it is unreachable makes me feel everything is pointless. Hope you all the best.

 

[FuneralCry]

People can certainly be very cruel and can create so much misery in this world, the fact that people cause so much harm is certainly a reason why I want to leave this world behind. It is good to hear that you are not like them but I'm sorry that you have had to endure so much suffering. Best wishes.

 

[Julgran]

All of my life I have had so much trouble in fitting in with people. I have come to find that the majority of people I come across are absolutely shitty. Racist. Homophobic. Always shit talking to me about other people. And I never learned to stand up for myself, let alone standing up for the victims of who the nasty talk was targeted towards. I've always just agreed with others for the sake of avoiding conflict and trying to avoid the negative attention being turned towards me.

In the past few days I have come to the realization that me being weak and not standing up and telling people to stop saying all of these horrible things has had a serious negative impact on the way people see me. I have also come to understand that a large percentage if not all of the people coming forward to say these things do not actually think and believe the things that they are saying, but rather think that I'm the one who believes all of these and are really coming forward to test how I will react to the horrible things they are saying.

I have developed such a skewed perception of reality. I rarely leave my home and try to socialize because I just generally think most people are horrible and when I do i still just agree to avoid becoming the target. But this realization has really made so much that has happened in my life finally make sense. I really think my life could have been great had I developed a backbone early on in life. But my reputation is pretty damaged beyond repair at this point.

I'm nearing my last days on earth and I just want to make it known if only amongst the people here that never once have I ever engaged in any kind of hateful behavior towards a person of a different race or sexual orientation or sex. I'm just absolutely terrified of people who do and never learned to tell them off.

You are on a good path!

I recognize myself in your description of yourself, but that timid attitude died when I became suicidal, since being suicidal has made me realize that there's nothing to lose in saying what I really think. Of course, I'm still courteous and co-operative with people whom I know, but I will not be taken advantage of.

As for those other people, they are just stuck in the "kill or be killed" part of life, which we can also call "take advantage or be taken advantage of". Just say "No!" to them, or try to bargain, and then leave them be if they are unable to see things from your perspective.

 

[Zerengin96]

You dont have a wrong perception and it has nothing to do with you "not having a backbone" or something. People are generally just shitty and you can be happy you are not much involved with other people.