Venting Being told I'm doing better, when I'm not

[Miserable]

I'm on sick leave. It's probably the only reason I'm alive. I can't get over what happened to me at work and I'm also dealing with being completely alone and unloved and all the shit that goes with that. My doctor told me I seem better and I have no idea where she gets that from. I've been completely crazy and think bout dying every day. it just freaks me out, makes me feel like im running out of time

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

Ugggg, this is a issue. They want to feed that positivity into us. You could be bleeding out and they will say its just a flesh wound.

 

[Miserable]

Ugggg, this is a issue. They want to feed that positivity into us. You could be bleeding out and they will say its just a flesh wound.

yes, i think thats the plan but all she did is make me even more scared and suicidal. Meh, whats the difference, this isn't a life

 

[Santiago]

Ugggg, this is a issue. They want to feed that positivity into us. You could be bleeding out and they will say its just a flesh wound.

I don't think that is the main issue tbf. We also have to look at ourselves. I doubt OP is completely transparant about her/his suicidal thoughts either (correct me if I am wrong).

One can look completely fine on the outside, but ruined on the inside. That's the case for many of us.

 

[Miserable]

I don't think that is the main issue tbf. We also have to look at ourselves. I doubt OP is completely transparant about her/his suicidal thoughts either (correct me if I am wrong).

One can look completely fine on the outside, but ruined on the inside. That's the case for many of us.

no I am. I even told them I bought a helium tank. They just want me off the leave I think... I guess I'm just scared I won't be able to die and I'll keep suffering. Sick leave at least buys me time. Now I'm scared

 

[BlueWidow]

Ugggg, this is a issue. They want to feed that positivity into us. You could be bleeding out and they will say its just a flesh wound.

Yes! It reminds me of the scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail.

But on a serious note, I completely agree. It's annoying that they think a few positive words or affirmations or positive wishes are going to suddenly make your life all sunshine and roses. Or that if you THINK you're happy you WILL BE happy.
If l thoughts actually changed your reality, I'm pretty sure most people would be living in a different reality than they're actually living in right now.

 

[Santiago]

no I am. I even told them I bought a helium tank. They just want me off the leave I think... I guess I'm just scared I won't be able to die and I'll keep suffering. Sick leave at least buys me time. Now I'm scared

Yeah it's quite concerning from their perspective to not really care when you even told him your plans

 

[MeltingHeart]

I could be hysterical and crying for days on end- not eating-not sleeping etc- and then for a couple of minutes i have literally run out of physical tears and/or a so weak-i shovel some food it- and the people that i am living wih that are in complete denial-verging on delusional-will be like oh youve got an appetite-thats such a good sign-oh you stopped crying for 5minutes out of 24 hours-isnt that a good sign?!! its like no-you are ACTUAL idiots if you think that is a sign of someone feeling better!!

 

[BlueWidow]

I'm on sick leave. It's probably the only reason I'm alive. I can't get over what happened to me at work and I'm also dealing with being completely alone and unloved and all the shit that goes with that. My doctor told me I seem better and I have no idea where she gets that from. I've been completely crazy and think bout dying every day. it just freaks me out, makes me feel like im running out of time

They've got to get you back to being a wage slave. That's what life is all about.

 

[Miserable]

I could be hysterical and crying for days on end- not eating-not sleeping etc- and then for a couple of minutes i have literally run out of physical tears and/or a so weak-i shovel some food it- and the people that i am living wih that are in complete denial-verging on delusional-will be like oh youve got an appetite-thats such a good sign-oh you stopped crying for 5minutes out of 24 hours-isnt that a good sign?!! its like no-you are ACTUAL idiots if you think that is a sign of someone feeling better!!

EXACTLY! Like obviously I'm not suicidal 24/7, that doesn't mean I'm happy. I occasionally can still get lost in a book or a movie (rare as it is), doesn't mean I'm FINE now

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

I have always been transparent with my doctors as to feeling suicidal and having a plan. I add that i would love for a way out but if i hit my limit that i will have to use it.

But the real issue, from my perspective is that doctors seem to resent not being able to easly fix us with some stitches or some physical cure. They think we "Look better" because we are not vibrating or screaming in pain. mental health feels like its being pushed aside with a "Well, we tried" it was getting better for so long, and now everything is going towards more and more dangerious pills, and group talk therapy. Because listening to somebody talk about their issues is somehow going to help you with your completely unrelated ones.

 

[Miserable]

They've got to get you back to being a wage slave. That's what life is all about.

I just don't know if I can do it. I'm still in hell.

 

[BlueWidow]

I have always been transparent with my doctors as to feeling suicidal and having a plan. I add that i would love for a way out but if i hit my limit that i will have to use it.

But the real issue, from my perspective is that doctors seem to resent not being able to easly fix us with some stitches or some physical cure. They think we "Look better" because we are not vibrating or screaming in pain. mental health feels like its being pushed aside with a "Well, we tried" it was getting better for so long, and now everything is going towards more and more dangerious pills, and group talk therapy. Because listening to somebody talk about their issues is somehow going to help you with your completely unrelated ones.

Amen! Well said!

I just don't know if I can do it. I'm still in hell.

It just makes me want to scream and pull my hair out. It's bad enough that I've been treated this way my entire life. It just breaks my heart to see other people get treated this way as well. We're not unemotional robots just spending our lives working away, though that seems to be what society wants us to be!
God Forbid you should be a sensitive person or not follow societies rules for how to live your life ie Birth, School, Work, Death.

 

[takeyourshotfunboy]

Ugggg, this is a issue. They want to feed that positivity into us. You could be bleeding out and they will say its just a flesh wound.

Monty Python?

 

[Wreck-it-Riley]

Monty Python?

Yep! Tis but a flesh wound!