Venting Being told I'm better than depression

[sillyusername69]

I was told by a person I care deeply about to stop being so melodramatic. I had opened up the past two days about the depression. I told him I was just going to stay inside and hope everyone forgot about me. I didn't add that was to make my death easier or unnoticed.
He said stop being so melodramatic, cause I'm better than that. I told him how that didn't help me feel better and it's depression not being melodramatic. Part of why I've lost a lot of friends is I feel disconnected from them. They are so occupied with life and I feel like a drag.

It seems people assume I'm being dramatic or "emotional". They associate depression with lack of maturity. As if I can just keep on pulling through and eventually the stars will align, just so to make me have a purpose beyond basic responsibility to stay alive so my family isn't hurt by my death.
Just venting. I really am going to stay in and just focus on other things. I started drumming again recently and can just practice that instead ofsocializing. It seems more worthwhile than trying to relate to people I just ... cant relate with.

On a side note, in an attempt to connect with someone I stumbled onto someone else experiencing severe depression. We talked about sadness. We talked about wanting to die. It was a nice experience but we parted ways after an evening of us talking. I didn't want to form any connections that would just make me ctb later on more painful.

 

[Kjo]

What a terrible response he gave you. That's not ok.

Unfortunately, most people don't understand or ever experience depression. Their best ability to relate is through their one day of being sad or lazy... So they give advice that's not applicable to our situations. I've been getting a lot of that advice lately too. It just drives the depression and isolation into us further I think.

 

[not_a_robot]

I was told by a person I care deeply about to stop being so melodramatic. I had opened up the past two days about the depression. I told him I was just going to stay inside and hope everyone forgot about me. I didn't add that was to make my death easier or unnoticed.
He said stop being so melodramatic, cause I'm better than that. I told him how that didn't help me feel better and it's depression not being melodramatic. Part of why I've lost a lot of friends is I feel disconnected from them. They are so occupied with life and I feel like a drag.

It seems people assume I'm being dramatic or "emotional". They associate depression with lack of maturity. As if I can just keep on pulling through and eventually the stars will align, just so to make me have a purpose beyond basic responsibility to stay alive so my family isn't hurt by my death.
Just venting. I really am going to stay in and just focus on other things. I started drumming again recently and can just practice that instead ofsocializing. It seems more worthwhile than trying to relate to people I just ... cant relate with.

On a side note, in an attempt to connect with someone I stumbled onto someone else experiencing severe depression. We talked about sadness. We talked about wanting to die. It was a nice experience but we parted ways after an evening of us talking. I didn't want to form any connections that would just make me ctb later on more painful.

Can I guess that OP is female?
Any time a female expresses any emotion whatsoever, she is called "melodramatic".
Before you ctb, cut that pig out of your life. He doesn't give a shit what you're going through. Remove that fucker from your life like you're cutting out a cancerous tumor.

 

[TimeToDie]

Can I guess that OP is female?
Any time a female expresses any emotion whatsoever, she is called "melodramatic".

Female would be my guess too. Males can't engage in melodrama as that would violate the laws of toxic masculinity which narrowly define what emotions a guy can express without being a sissy boy.

I can't tell anyone IRL how I feel either. I brought up the subject of rational suicide with my best friend and she seems to want to ignore the issue, pretending that I've magically gotten over it since I asked her what she though of the concept of rational suicide two months ago. I'm sure she thinks it was just a passing thought and that I haven't continued to have the very same thoughts every moment of every day since.

 

[Sailfisher]

Sad is one thing. I've been sad. Depressed is totally different.

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Before you ctb, cut that pig out of your life. He doesn't give a shit what you're going through. Remove that fucker from your life like you're cutting out a cancerous tumor.

I agree. People like that will only drag you down more.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

I was told by a person I care deeply about to stop being so melodramatic. I had opened up the past two days about the depression. I told him I was just going to stay inside and hope everyone forgot about me. I didn't add that was to make my death easier or unnoticed.
He said stop being so melodramatic, cause I'm better than that. I told him how that didn't help me feel better and it's depression not being melodramatic. Part of why I've lost a lot of friends is I feel disconnected from them. They are so occupied with life and I feel like a drag.

It seems people assume I'm being dramatic or "emotional". They associate depression with lack of maturity. As if I can just keep on pulling through and eventually the stars will align, just so to make me have a purpose beyond basic responsibility to stay alive so my family isn't hurt by my death.
Just venting. I really am going to stay in and just focus on other things. I started drumming again recently and can just practice that instead ofsocializing. It seems more worthwhile than trying to relate to people I just ... cant relate with.

On a side note, in an attempt to connect with someone I stumbled onto someone else experiencing severe depression. We talked about sadness. We talked about wanting to die. It was a nice experience but we parted ways after an evening of us talking. I didn't want to form any connections that would just make me ctb later on more painful.

I'm sorry you weren't met with understanding and acceptance IRL. I think you'll find a lot can relate to not telling anyone we know. Most people won't accept it or just want to make you feel better, so they toss your true feelings to the way side. It hurts too much for them to not be able to fix it.

But maybe they're hurting inside as much as we do, but they're not brave enough to face it. Or put a name to it. Or admit. Who knows.

Just know you have a safe place here to chat, vent, or relate. This is truly a kindred community.

 

[johnonymous]

I was told by a person I care deeply about to stop being so melodramatic. I had opened up the past two days about the depression. I told him I was just going to stay inside and hope everyone forgot about me. I didn't add that was to make my death easier or unnoticed.

He said stop being so melodramatic, cause I'm better than that.

That's quite possibly the most insensitive, ignorant, and useless bit of advice he could possibly have given.

 

[sillyusername69]

Yes, I'm really grateful to have support here. I just was hoping for a different response. I don't know why, because its usually never that way.
Yes I'm female. I'm still pretty upset. I've been trying to convince myself to wait to ctb because I'm a mom and I want them to be legal age at least. I feel bad for being so withdrawn and abnormal, I can't connect with other parents either.

I don't blame people for not understanding. I'm glad they don't because depising being alive is torture.

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Yes, I'm really grateful to have support here. I just was hoping for a different response. I don't know why, because its usually never that way.
Yes I'm female. I'm still pretty upset. I've been trying to convince myself to wait to ctb because I'm a mom and I want them to be legal age at least. I feel bad for being so withdrawn and abnormal, I can't connect with other parents either.

I don't blame people for not understanding. I'm glad they don't because depising being alive is torture.

I'll shoot you a PM - I'm a mom and waiting for them to get to legal age too.

Hugs

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

I told him I was just going to stay inside and hope everyone forgot about me.

I may be in the minority here and I may upset a few people but I think there is a difference between talking about depression and saying things like this. I'm a thinking type personality and this type of statement makes me think of emotional manipulation. What were you expecting him to say? "I love you and I care about you." If thats the response you wanted you should speak about the disconnection and all the other stuff you mentioned.

I have a mother I stopped speaking to that liked to say random things like "do you even care that you are the last person your grandmother talked to before she died?" like really??? WTF does that have to do with what I'm saying??? meanwhile my grandmother's death was over a decade ago and the conversation at hand had nothing to do with my grandmother or any tangential topic. I asked her to have her husband take a paternity test and she was deflecting. She uses it to get a response out of me and I totally ignore it.

I personally dont believe in threatening suicide. I think people who are serious about it Just Do It!!! Saying that you will is usually received as a cry for attention, or maybe help depending on the person and you should expect lockup.

On the other hand having a discussion about rational suicide and that you dont feel accepted or that you belong here is a mature conversation to have. Discussing the public disdain for suicide then becomes a conversation one can engage in and actually receive support. I had a conversation like this last night. Although the person disagrees with rational suicide and assisted death they were able to understand my pain and my reasons and have a real conversation with me about it which is something I haven't had with anyone I would venture out to call a "friend".

 

[sillyusername69]

I may be in the minority here and I may upset a few people but I think there is a difference between talking about depression and saying things like this. I'm a thinking type personality and this type of statement makes me think of emotional manipulation. What were you expecting him to say? "I love you and I care about you." If thats the response you wanted you should speak about the disconnection and all the other stuff you mentioned.

I have a mother I stopped speaking to that liked to say random things like "do you even care that you are the last person your grandmother talked to before she died?" like really??? WTF does that have to do with what I'm saying??? meanwhile my grandmother's death was over a decade ago and the conversation at hand had nothing to do with my grandmother or any tangential topic. I asked her to have her husband take a paternity test and she was deflecting. She uses it to get a response out of me and I totally ignore it.

I personally dont believe in threatening suicide. I think people who are serious about it Just Do It!!! Saying that you will is usually received as a cry for attention, or maybe help depending on the person and you should expect lockup.

On the other hand having a discussion about rational suicide and that you dont feel accepted or that you belong here is a mature conversation to have. Discussing the public disdain for suicide then becomes a conversation one can engage in and actually receive support. I had a conversation like this last night. Although the person disagrees with rational suicide and assisted death they were able to understand my pain and my reasons and have a real conversation with me about it which is something I haven't had with anyone I would venture out to call a "friend".

On the contrary I expected no such response. it was just something I had never told him about. I don't expect to be saved by anyone and i never mentioned suicide. I didn't say I would kill myself. I just mentioned my depression. I wouldn't want to make anyone have that burden and I wouldn't want to tip anyone off honestly.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

On the contrary I expected no such response. it was just something I had never told him about. I don't expect to be saved by anyone and i never mentioned suicide. I didn't say I would kill myself. I just mentioned my depression. I wouldn't want to make anyone have that burden and I wouldn't want to tip anyone off honestly.

Let me be clear, I don't think his response was ok. I just don't respond well we people say things like "I was just going to stay inside and hope everyone forgot about me." A statement like this sounds like a cue for a sad violin; It would make me feel as if you are trying to elicit a response from me. If the person thinks like me, then that could have been the reason for his response coupled with a lack of how to handle it appropriately. I'm not trying to say that you had intent or that was your purpose. I'm just saying that could have been the reason for calling you "melodramatic". Not because you were depressed. Trying to make a subtle distinction. I find my mother to be melodramatic for those reasons.

 

[LMFAO FOCKERS]

Neurotypicals are the ultimate narcissists.They assume every other person only says things to elicit a response from them.

Your comment makes no sense. I am NOT neurotypical. There are people who use their logic to think through responses. And there are those who use their feelings to apply values in their responses. The person using their logic hears something different than the person who uses feelings. It's just that simple. These things lead to unnecessary misunderstandings. My goal was to shed light on the nature of these differences to bridge the gap.

 

[Vegrau]

I was told by a person I care deeply about to stop being so melodramatic. I had opened up the past two days about the depression. I told him I was just going to stay inside and hope everyone forgot about me. I didn't add that was to make my death easier or unnoticed.
He said stop being so melodramatic, cause I'm better than that. I told him how that didn't help me feel better and it's depression not being melodramatic. Part of why I've lost a lot of friends is I feel disconnected from them. They are so occupied with life and I feel like a drag.

It seems people assume I'm being dramatic or "emotional". They associate depression with lack of maturity. As if I can just keep on pulling through and eventually the stars will align, just so to make me have a purpose beyond basic responsibility to stay alive so my family isn't hurt by my death.
Just venting. I really am going to stay in and just focus on other things. I started drumming again recently and can just practice that instead ofsocializing. It seems more worthwhile than trying to relate to people I just ... cant relate with.

On a side note, in an attempt to connect with someone I stumbled onto someone else experiencing severe depression. We talked about sadness. We talked about wanting to die. It was a nice experience but we parted ways after an evening of us talking. I didn't want to form any connections that would just make me ctb later on more painful.

This is the main reasons why I wish onto them the same level of misery and suffering. So they might understand. Then again we are not braindead abominations like them who only thinks about food food food food food. Earning money for no clear reasons. Living on for no apparent purposes. Doing whatever they can to get their willies "wet". Yeah no thanks. I will walk my own path. I am not playing by your rules and your tiny egotistically fantastical opinions. As if they live by mine. I cant stand those abominations. I can never thought of them as humans at all.

 

[sillyusername69]

Since a young age I've questioned my role as a human. As far back as I can remember I questioned why I was alive. I couldn't understand why we worked, went to school, had dreams. I never felt okay being alive, I've been suicidal as long as I can recall being alive.

I don't expect this is normal. I just wanted to open up to him. I had always held back my depression. I just wanted to open up a tiny bit. I didn't say anything near the full extent of what I felt. I am just venting.

 

[not_a_robot]

Since a young age I've questioned my role as a human. As far back as I can remember I questioned why I was alive. I couldn't understand why we worked, went to school, had dreams. I never felt okay being alive, I've been suicidal as long as I can recall being alive.

I don't expect this is normal. I just wanted to open up to him. I had always held back my depression. I just wanted to open up a tiny bit. I didn't say anything near the full extent of what I felt. I am just venting.

Don't be so melodramatic. ;)

/sorry,couldn't stop myself.

I got the doom-feels very early too. Before I was even sure what death was. I was actively suicidal by 7 or 8. The minute I learned what it was, it was like a religious revelation is for other people. "YES!!! THIS!!! *THIS IS THE ANSWER!" *
I have obsessed over it probably more than Christians obsess over Jesus. Every time something horrible happens I think "well, you're not even supposed to be alive, so of course horrible shit is happening. you are not even supposed to be here. you should have done it by now. horrible shit will keep happening. "
I fear failure or pain on the attempt though.

 

[Mljonzy]

Sorry you have to put up with that shit from someone all us depressed people are way stronger than people without it because we go through hell everyday but we all know people without it would apologise to us if they had our pain even for a week. Infact they would beg for it to go away because they have no balls or courage.

 

[sillyusername69]

Thanks for listening everyone. I might try to talk to a therapist but I'm not sure how much i can mention. I know I can't say anything regarding future plans or self harm. Would an eating disorder trigger being forced into a mental hospital? I'm no where near anorexic.
Anyone have some tips on what to avoid topic wise? I have children so I'm always very wary with professionals that are mandated reporters (since any perceived potential harm would have to be reported even though I'm technically harming myself)