Venting Being suicidal is so weird, I can't believe that I've spent hours and hours of my life researching how to kill myself

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

No one knows, not a single person I know irl knows that I've been suicidal for probably a year now. I don't talk to my family much so I don't really think they would really be affected by me leaving this world, maybe my sister would be but I'm sure she'll get over it soon. There's this one online friend I have, we talk almost everyday, haven't been recently which sucks but I'm going to miss them a lot, well....can't really miss someone once you're dead, I guess I'll miss them.....conceptually? I'll miss art, it's one of the only thing that brings me joy and I'm sort of good at it, I'll miss music, I'll miss nerding out whilst watching stupid shows and movies I love. I don't really want everything about me to die, I want to exist like an energy maybe, in the wind or deep within the ocean. Humanity is so limiting. Why is it that the body I inherent must follow such narrow and rigid social rules, it's so illogical. So crude. I hope once I'm dead I'll get a second chance. I know we all get one chance but, please, let me have another.



The last song I plan on listening to while I slowly drift away is, Everthing Will Be Alright by The Killers

 

[OnionsOnEverything]

Human consciousness is so weird isn't it. I love watching philosophical videos about what it means to be alive and human. Existence is cruel but also great in some aspects.

 

[OnMyLast Legs]

How are you going to slowly drift away?

 

[violetforever]

I don't really want everything about me to die, I want to exist like an energy maybe, in the wind or deep within the ocean.

me too. thats beautiful. you will live on in someones memories of you though <3

Humanity is so limiting. Why is it that the body I inherent must follow such narrow and rigid social rules, it's so illogical.

i hate it. i wonder if humanity was ever meant to be. with or without civilization its all so awful.

 

[lamy's sacred sleep]

Everthing Will Be Alright by The Killers

gave it a listen
really good song

 

[MyPropellerWontSpin]

How are you going to slowly drift away?

carbon monoxide

you will live on in someones memories of you though <3

thank you, that means so much, seriously

 

[Chabrychek]

Yeah it's strange to talk to people, laugh with them, and in your head only think about how much you want to die. They go home to enjoy life, and you go home to plan how to end it. I didn't even notice when it happened.

I will not miss my life, but rather what it was not and what it could have been

 

[A_Breath_Away]

Yeah it's strange to talk to people, laugh with them, and in your head only think about how much you want to die. They go home to enjoy life, and you go home to plan how to end it. I didn't even notice when it happened.

I will not miss my life, but rather what it was not and what it could have been

This. Omg this! This describes what I'm feeling to a tee. The potential. Dreaming of a life that never was.

 

[madwoman]

It is really weird. Like the weird out of body experience that I can't believe this is my life and this is happening to me. & also agree and relate with the two above comments. It's surreal that people couldn't fathom wanting to do and are planning their future, I no longer envision a future & do grieve the life I could have had if I was not me with my life.