Being separate from your own self

[Snake of Eden]

What I mean by being separate of my own self is a desire to walk away from who I am as a body and mind. Of course thats impossible but I cant help it. It is like hating yourself so much that you never want to be in the company of you. I want to ctb because by doing the deed I imagine it as being the only way to finally walk away from all who I am. Many people have many different reasons to ctb but in my case self-hate is the most pressing reason because I dont love who I am, how I look, how I sound, how I think. I want freedom from being me. Can you relate?

 

[Life_and_Death]

I dont love who I am, how I look, how I sound, how I think. I want freedom from being me. Can you relate?

yeah

 

[Pupu]

What I mean by being separate of my own self is a desire to walk away from who I am as a body and mind. Of course thats impossible but I cant help it. It is like hating yourself so much that you never want to be in the company of you. I want to ctb because by doing the deed I imagine it as being the only way to finally walk away from all who I am. Many people have many different reasons to ctb but in my case self-hate is the most pressing reason because I dont love who I am, how I look, how I sound, how I think. I want freedom from being me. Can you relate?

Funny how this happened to be the top comment here right now when I had moment of this. I mean I had very brief moment of "bearable" feeling when my mind wandered away somewhere but then I remembered who I am and pain is back.

 

[Snake of Eden]

Funny how this happened to be the top comment here right now when I had moment of this. I mean I had very brief moment of "bearable" feeling when my mind wandered away somewhere but then I remembered who I am and pain is back.

I also get these type distractions from who I am and it feels good but once i remember who I am it is painful again

 

[LostSoul1609]

What I mean by being separate of my own self is a desire to walk away from who I am as a body and mind. Of course thats impossible but I cant help it. It is like hating yourself so much that you never want to be in the company of you. I want to ctb because by doing the deed I imagine it as being the only way to finally walk away from all who I am. Many people have many different reasons to ctb but in my case self-hate is the most pressing reason because I dont love who I am, how I look, how I sound, how I think. I want freedom from being me. Can you relate?

I used to feel a lot like that but I also feel like self love can be achieved in any situation and you shouldn't just go before you try, therapy is a good way of figuring out, theatre also helped me (but you might not like it, it depends on what kind of person you are I guess), generally taking time for yourself. Spirituality and meditation also helped me step away from myself (I might sound like and idiot when talking about this stuff and I very much am), realizing that yes I hated that "me" but that there was also another "me" that was indeed needing of care.
Problem is that the hate for oneself is a very vague thing, there are some triggering factors that turned on that self hating feeling and those factors usually come from the outside rather than from the inside, frustration, bullying, loneliness, anger, they are worth exploring and trying to fix before you take the final exit I think.
What kind of person are you when peeling out all of the negative parts you don't like?
Try to look at your child self maybe.
I'm not trying to invalidate your feeling of pain and suicidality, but I think you should consider all the options before.
Love

 

[Snake of Eden]

I used to feel a lot like that but I also feel like self love can be achieved in any situation and you shouldn't just go before you try, therapy is a good way of figuring out, theatre also helped me (but you might not like it, it depends on what kind of person you are I guess), generally taking time for yourself. Spirituality and meditation also helped me step away from myself (I might sound like and idiot when talking about this stuff and I very much am), realizing that yes I hated that "me" but that there was also another "me" that was indeed needing of care.
Problem is that the hate for oneself is a very vague thing, there are some triggering factors that turned on that self hating feeling and those factors usually come from the outside rather than from the inside, frustration, bullying, loneliness, anger, they are worth exploring and trying to fix before you take the final exit I think.
What kind of person are you when peeling out all of the negative parts you don't like?
Try to look at your child self maybe.
I'm not trying to invalidate your feeling of pain and suicidality, but I think you should consider all the options before.
Love

Thanks I tried all of the above and finally i came to the realization that there is no part of me that I love. I am 36 and I dont think there is any self exploration is left for me to do. All I need now is to walk away from who I am.

 

[FuneralCry]

I used to have a lot more self hate than I do now, I guess my hate is now directed towards existence itself as that to me is the true problem. The fact that I was born in the first place is the reason why I suffer. I do wish to be separate from myself though, as I often feel trapped dealing with the same thoughts all the time. There is no peace in this life and death is the only way for me to be free.

 

[LostSoul1609]

Thanks I tried all of the above and finally i came to the realization that there is no part of me that I love. I am 36 and I dont think there is any self exploration is left for me to do. All I need now is to walk away from who I am.

It's your choice to and I respect it, just know that love for oneself can sometime be relentless as hate for oneself, and there isn't always need for phisycal death to walk away.

 

[Snake of Eden]

It's your choice to and I respect it, just know that love for oneself can sometime be relentless as hate for oneself, and there isn't always need for phisycal death to walk away.

How do you suggest then someone can walk away from themselves without being physically dead. I dont need self love advice as I already made up my mind that I hate myself fully

 

[LostSoul1609]

How do you suggest then someone can walk away from themselves without being physically dead. I dont need self love advice as I already made up my mind that I hate myself fully

Being honest I don't know the nature of your issue and my advice is as good as nothing, but it is the "now" you you are hating now, and possibly the you of the past, but the you of tomorrow will be another person. I'm not begging you to not kill yourself, it's your choice and a choice I'm planning on actuating myself, but radical change is possible in some instances and sometime it is a solution.

 

[fox_wannabe]

I used to have a lot more self hate than I do now, I guess my hate is now directed towards existence itself as that to me is the true problem.

Yeah... I actually have enough compassion for me in future to make myself die so I don't have to live this life anymore.

 

[motel rooms]

Being honest I don't know the nature of your issue and my advice is as good as nothing, but it is the "now" you you are hating now, and possibly the you of the past, but the you of tomorrow will be another person. I'm not begging you to not kill yourself, it's your choice and a choice I'm planning on actuating myself, but radical change is possible in some instances and sometime it is a solution.

What does this radical change you speak of look like & how is one supposed to achieve it? By getting a brain transplant?

 

[Snake of Eden]

Being honest I don't know the nature of your issue and my advice is as good as nothing, but it is the "now" you you are hating now, and possibly the you of the past, but the you of tomorrow will be another person. I'm not begging you to not kill yourself, it's your choice and a choice I'm planning on actuating myself, but radical change is possible in some instances and sometime it is a solution.

Yah i tried everything. Nothing works.

 

[WOODESITY]

honestly i can relate, i though similar sometime, it's like i have this desire and need to get rid of myself, i have self hate too, feels like i am stupid and accomplishing nothing important, i would say my existence is survival of its stupidest, no logical point, just surviving for sake of survival, just keeping myself alive, in the process it sucks greatly

 

[Makko]

I have a similar situation but backwards. I don't have anything against myself, but my consciousness and the rest of me are somehow very far apart. Suicide would be like deleting the number of someone you never see or call anyway.

 

[Alwaysbadtime]

Suicide is divorcing one's self.

 

[logan]

You have lost your inner connection.

Your only chance is to somehow win it back and accept yourself as you are.

 

[Snake of Eden]

You have lost your inner connection.

Your only chance is to somehow win it back and accept yourself as you are.

It is never going to happen im afraid

 

[Pupu]

It's your choice to and I respect it, just know that love for oneself can sometime be relentless as hate for oneself, and there isn't always need for phisycal death to walk away.

"Physical death" made me think were you thinking ego death or something like that? Or was it just my conclusion based on words "physical death" and your avatar picture, a rat smoking something...

I actually planned to try shrooms first time to get on trip, even bad one, if it would help a little. Today I had a very bad moment tho, I felt like I was literally crushed by the hate, self-disgust and shame that I had to rethink it. I barely managed to get over from that, so what if I would feel something similar but in bigger scale when I'm drugged.....

Sorry about derailing the topic.

I know that there is a lot work to be done if one wants to learn to love themselves. But I believe it is at times impossible. Only person who can do the emotional work to make person love themselves is, well, themselves. No one can force and sometimes person is too deep in those thoughts that there is no way out anymore. Like sinking in the sea. You know there is light up there, but you sank too deep where no sunlight reach. You know sunlight is real thing, but only darkness is present for you anymore. And in that darkness there is no way to tell the way anymore.