Venting being self aware is a death sentence

[february in alaska]

People usually talk about self-awareness as a positive trait but at some point it's completely crippling. Ignorance really is bliss. Both in the largest sense of understanding your insignificant role in the universe and in the smallest sense of understanding how unfixable your own thoughts are. Feels like I've opened pandora's box in my own head and there's no going back, there's no potential to have a normal happy life without getting a frontal lobotomy or shooting up on morphine every morning. I really don't know how other people do it

 

[itsraining]

I know exactly what you mean, knowing all the atrocities in the world brings me excruciating pain. The fact that I'm helpless to stop it makes me even more hopeless that things are ever going to be okay. I wish I could go back to when I was a child with only a basic understanding of the world, even when I felt terrible as a child at least I still felt hope and magic in the world. It's just getting worse and worse the more I exist and I feel like I'm going to crack.

 

[day]

The world is horribly cruel and existence as a whole is designed to make people suffer. Only by not existing is a person truthfully at peace. There's no happiness to be found.. maybe for small moments life can be enjoyable but for the most part life is entirely meaningless.

 

[Cress]

It seems like people just generally make compromises in regards to self awareness. Examples being doctors need to inherit a clinical approach to interacting with patients and can't get to Human or the awareness of the suffering will start to get to them. Nurses that work in psych wards Start avoiding talking to any of the patients outside giving medications. People who give up religion need to replace it with something else. There's tons of examples and you could go on and on.

It's possible to have self awareness without compromise but it's very difficult and will take a toll on your psychological state if you treat everyone like they're your best friend. Existentialism is the exploration of the meaning of life And it's interesting to explore the ideas but the ultimate truth of it is nothing really matters.

 

[february in alaska]

It seems like people just generally make compromises in regards to self awareness. Examples being doctors need to inherit a clinical approach to interacting with patients and can't get to Human or the awareness of the suffering will start to get to them. Nurses that work in psych wards Start avoiding talking to any of the patients outside giving medications. People who give up religion need to replace it with something else. There's tons of examples and you could go on and on.

It's possible to have self awareness without compromise but it's very difficult and will take a toll on your psychological state if you treat everyone like they're your best friend. Existentialism is the exploration of the meaning of life And it's interesting to explore the ideas but the ultimate truth of it is nothing really matters.

I totally agree. It's all super interesting. Part of me wonders if becoming aware of the "nothing really matters" truth of life directly leads people to suicide. I think it's great if people are able to ignore it or find short term solutions or reasons to live but I just don't think I can.

I've always been extremely empathetic and good at picking up on how others are feeling/relating to them (I'm reluctant to say since I'm an empath has a different connotation these days lmfao) but it's genuinely only ever felt like a curse. I wish I could block it out or compartmentalize the same way some people can, like you mentioned about doctors or psychologists. Dealing with it has definitely made me a very cold person and now that I think about it, I feel like it explains why I find it so hard to make genuine relationships with anyone. I guess that's how it is for everyone, though. You either learn to live with it... or you don't.

 

[Cress]

I totally agree. It's all super interesting. Part of me wonders if becoming aware of the "nothing really matters" truth of life directly leads people to suicide. I think it's great if people are able to ignore it or find short term solutions or reasons to live but I just don't think I can.

I've always been extremely empathetic and good at picking up on how others are feeling/relating to them (I'm reluctant to say since I'm an empath has a different connotation these days lmfao) but it's genuinely only ever felt like a curse. I wish I could block it out or compartmentalize the same way some people can, like you mentioned about doctors or psychologists. Dealing with it has definitely made me a very cold person and now that I think about it, I feel like it explains why I find it so hard to make genuine relationships with anyone. I guess that's how it is for everyone, though. You either learn to live with it... or you don't.

Yeah allowing all the details of reality through destroys people. That and there's no way to get an Ultra accurate version of reality through your senses. Still we try I guess. Personally I try to make an attempt to understand and empathize with people Even though I know such a thing is not possible and I merely containing a corrupted version of people in my mind.

Life seems to be all about trying to do impossible things Inevitably failing and And attempting to make something of the small percentage of the success that you did have. I'm not really good at explaining existentialism or philosophy concepts So I wouldn't blame people if they just see me as the crazy person ranting who happens to have a dragon ball Z Avatar.

Nothing really matters truth definitely leads people to CTB. However I think there's different degrees that people can internalize The concept. I know people that are able to say nothing matters but that their life matters to them. If You have the opposite of that person though where they don't really care about their own life And how they experience it very much the idea that nothing matters can be more deadly to them I guess?

Either way I hope you're able to find A model of the world that brings you peace And some level of comfort.

 

[WAITING TO DIE]

Yes, when you become awakened you cannot go back to the sleep of ignorance.
You cannot unsee the truth.

 

[FuneralCry]

I see it as such a terrible curse having the ability to exist as a conscious being, consciousness just leads to suffering. Only eternal nothingness is appealing to me, the thought of being unable to suffer so senselessly comforts me.