wastingpotential
drowning, always.
- Feb 8, 2023
- 165
i don't see a real reason for me to post anything about this on here, but it really does feel like i've done nothing but speak into the void lately if it were anywhere else or with anyone i personally know, so here i am again.
long story short, i am being kicked out of my apartment very, very soon. as in i'm currently sitting on my bedroom's shitty cold floor trying to decide what's worth packing and what i should just burn to be rid of and get rid of dead weight, blasting music on max with earphones to avoid my own thoughts, but i guess it isn't exactly helping because i'm still spiraling.
i don't like to speak too much in detail about my life, but this was anticipated for awhile, family can't make ends meet, haven't paid rent in awhile and when we do it's not the necessary amount each month etc etc. but we're now meant to be going to stay at another place with a person i absolutely despise (won't really go in depth why because i don't see it being needed).
worst of it all is that i am going to be losing my two beloved cats and we're having so much trouble finding a new home or shelter for them to stay at, it makes everything so much worse, they cannot come with us to this other person's home because they simply don't allow it, it's not like the apartment isn't pet friendly, they just don't want them around.
it's destroying me. they have saved me in the past from the time we got them up to now, i don't know how i will continue on without them, they constantly fight, cause messes and can be a hassle to handle, but i love them so much. they're my babies. i'm terrified if they were to be put into a new home they'll be treated unfairly and even abused because of their behavior, or just overall the owners being bad people. i'm scared. i've expressed my concerns so many times but it does nothing.
i've posted a bit ago that the people in my life haven't really been caring about me lately, and the more i seem to be worse the more they don't care or distance themselves from me. i've opened up recently to some of those i consider myself closest to and just as i thought, they didn't sound like they cared, one of the responses i was given sounded so careless and almost cruel it made me regret opening up at all, i still feel god awful and the ache in my chest won't leave me be.
with all of this going on, i just.. can't help but ask to whoever is above or beneath me watching why i was put in this life, what is my purpose here, if not to just suffer everyday? if not to put on façades and bottle up my emotions because nobody cares at all? why is my existence a creation at all if there is nothing good to ever come out of it? why could i have not been born elsewhere? or have a different name? nationality? a certain amount of money in my wallet?
the questions are endless.
long story short, i am being kicked out of my apartment very, very soon. as in i'm currently sitting on my bedroom's shitty cold floor trying to decide what's worth packing and what i should just burn to be rid of and get rid of dead weight, blasting music on max with earphones to avoid my own thoughts, but i guess it isn't exactly helping because i'm still spiraling.
i don't like to speak too much in detail about my life, but this was anticipated for awhile, family can't make ends meet, haven't paid rent in awhile and when we do it's not the necessary amount each month etc etc. but we're now meant to be going to stay at another place with a person i absolutely despise (won't really go in depth why because i don't see it being needed).
worst of it all is that i am going to be losing my two beloved cats and we're having so much trouble finding a new home or shelter for them to stay at, it makes everything so much worse, they cannot come with us to this other person's home because they simply don't allow it, it's not like the apartment isn't pet friendly, they just don't want them around.
it's destroying me. they have saved me in the past from the time we got them up to now, i don't know how i will continue on without them, they constantly fight, cause messes and can be a hassle to handle, but i love them so much. they're my babies. i'm terrified if they were to be put into a new home they'll be treated unfairly and even abused because of their behavior, or just overall the owners being bad people. i'm scared. i've expressed my concerns so many times but it does nothing.
i've posted a bit ago that the people in my life haven't really been caring about me lately, and the more i seem to be worse the more they don't care or distance themselves from me. i've opened up recently to some of those i consider myself closest to and just as i thought, they didn't sound like they cared, one of the responses i was given sounded so careless and almost cruel it made me regret opening up at all, i still feel god awful and the ache in my chest won't leave me be.
with all of this going on, i just.. can't help but ask to whoever is above or beneath me watching why i was put in this life, what is my purpose here, if not to just suffer everyday? if not to put on façades and bottle up my emotions because nobody cares at all? why is my existence a creation at all if there is nothing good to ever come out of it? why could i have not been born elsewhere? or have a different name? nationality? a certain amount of money in my wallet?
the questions are endless.
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