Being here makes me feel worse (and) better?

[kuroshimi]

So, I noticed that I started visiting sasu less often. And I think it's because I feel worse and better (?).

I'm actually glad that I found it. And I glad that I can talk about my feelings and experiences here with no worries. And everyone here is kind and welcoming and pretty much nice. But something breaks inside me when I see another goodbye thread or thread when tells about some very terrible things that happened in their life. And I can't cope with feeling of helplessness.

So I became show up here less and less often. And don't really reply in threads.

I still feel depressed, I still can't stand the current state of the world and still feel miserable. But I thinking about trying therapy again for a while and probably this is the time to seize this opportunity. Maybe deep down I still have some hope left. Probably I am. I don't really want to die. Maybe, I will be glad if this happens, but I don't want to hurt myself? Actually, I don't know.


I think I can consider this as a break. I will probably try therapy after I get back to uni.

 

[Karrikin]

Being here is a bit of a paradox for me as well, the people here are always extremely kind and helped me get over my assumption that I was universally hated and everyone was horrible. But at the same time, these are the same people who sometimes make their own goodbye threads as you mentioned and it's very saddening and disheartening. I guess it's better to take what someone can learn on here and try to better things outside in the real world --whatever that may be. But anyways, I hope things go well for you in university and if you do get therapy, that it may help you.

 

[xBrialesana]

Finding this place back in the day was the first time in my entire life I felt both safe and hopeful for the future, and the only reason I even gave life a shot. I found the place a year before I joined, and genuinely it improved the quality of my life so drastically.
I mean I don't think that would hold true for everybody, absolutely. If you don't have the right mindset this could be a very bad place to be. But so grateful for the staff for fighting and keeping this community going.