Venting Being ghosted

[Raichu]

So for the third time, I have been ghosted by the girl I claimed to love. Although we were talking for three straight years, she never agreed for a video call. We did talk in voice calls a few times. It was what one would call a "textationship" in gen-z terminology. She ghosted me a year ago. That was practically the break up. And I almost thought I was over her until one weak night, I texted her and she replied. I never really got an answer why, but neither could I let go of her. And today again, out of the blue, she ghosted me yet again. Well, did I mention that whenever I planned to meet up with her she gave one or the other excuse to not meet. In a last ditch effort when I tried meeting up, she insulted me with, "I don't want to meet up, at least with you!". Well, that was a bolt from the blue as she had been the one claiming to love me and be by my side and all. This time it hurts less, I agree. But this it's not the grief but the loneliness which is hitting me. I have an exam tomorrow, and the gradation matters for the end sem exams. But I can't seem to totally concentrate. Sudden pangs of isolation and loneliness are haunting me like an undead being. I don't really know what to do. It's almost like I am running in circles inside a maze. Everytime, instead of the exit, I arrive just where I started.

Being a bit personal here. Even at times when I pleasure myself, I can't seem to imagine any woman besides her. Sometimes I can, but other times even during watching p**n, I imagine. I imagine her! She lives rent free in my head, whereas in her heart I am just another illegal homeless immigrant by now!

Is something wrong with me? WHY DO I KEEP GOING BACK, INSTEAD OF MOVING FORWARD? I can't think of any reason. It's like I want to move forward, but I keep walking backwards.

PLEASE HELP!

 

[Ozzyno]

Fuck her. She's a loser.

 

[Raichu]

Fuck her. She's a loser.

I really had/have (somewhat) doubts about my self worth.

 

[SVEN]

Just picture some overweight, sweaty, 50 year old pervy guy getting worried whenever you suggest meeting "her" because you'd like to make things more personal.
It's one thing for him to get his kicks from behind the anonymity of his computer … bit different to meet you in person.

 

[Ozzyno]

I really had/have (somewhat) doubts about my self worth.

Yea and people like her will just worsen that. That's for sure.

Just picture some overweight, sweaty, 50 year old pervy guy getting worried whenever you suggest meeting "her" because you'd like to make things more personal.
It's one thing for him to get his kicks from behind the anonymity of his computer … bit different to meet you in person.

Why should anyone lose time by doing that? For three years? Unless OP sent 'her' money I don't think that can be the truth

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

When was the last time you guys talked? I find that total no-contact over a long span of time is the only thing that even marginally works for me. I'm still in love with someone I last had regular, sustained contact with 4 years ago, but it doesn't hurt quite as much. He still lives rent-free in my head--not a day goes by where I don't think about him--but it's not an acute pain, it's more just a dull aching now.

 

[Yume Nikki]

Sorry to hear this, my ex ghosted me after I tried reaching out to him 3-4 weeks ago for closure. He was abusive and manipulative towards me the whole relationship and I feel hopeless and have no idea how to move forward. Just know that you're not alone in this shitty empty feeling.

 

[Higurashi415]

Just picture some overweight, sweaty, 50 year old pervy guy getting worried whenever you suggest meeting "her" because you'd like to make things more personal.
It's one thing for him to get his kicks from behind the anonymity of his computer … bit different to meet you in person.

OP said they talked on the phone a couple times.

So for the third time, I have been ghosted by the girl I claimed to love. Although we were talking for three straight years, she never agreed for a video call. We did talk in voice calls a few times. It was what one would call a "textationship" in gen-z terminology. She ghosted me a year ago. That was practically the break up. And I almost thought I was over her until one weak night, I texted her and she replied. I never really got an answer why, but neither could I let go of her. And today again, out of the blue, she ghosted me yet again. Well, did I mention that whenever I planned to meet up with her she gave one or the other excuse to not meet. In a last ditch effort when I tried meeting up, she insulted me with, "I don't want to meet up, at least with you!". Well, that was a bolt from the blue as she had been the one claiming to love me and be by my side and all. This time it hurts less, I agree. But this it's not the grief but the loneliness which is hitting me. I have an exam tomorrow, and the gradation matters for the end sem exams. But I can't seem to totally concentrate. Sudden pangs of isolation and loneliness are haunting me like an undead being. I don't really know what to do. It's almost like I am running in circles inside a maze. Everytime, instead of the exit, I arrive just where I started.

Being a bit personal here. Even at times when I pleasure myself, I can't seem to imagine any woman besides her. Sometimes I can, but other times even during watching p**n, I imagine. I imagine her! She lives rent free in my head, whereas in her heart I am just another illegal homeless immigrant by now!

Is something wrong with me? WHY DO I KEEP GOING BACK, INSTEAD OF MOVING FORWARD? I can't think of any reason. It's like I want to move forward, but I keep walking backwards.

PLEASE HELP!

Anyway my dude, she is not the love of your life.
I had a similar situation with a girl, I was always on the fucking hook. Totally my fault (she kept teasing, I should've known better). For some people (cause mind you this isn't a female-only thing) having someone they COULD potentially be with is enough, and they never go through. Could you imagine doing that to someone you love?

 

[qw3rty259]

It seems to me that you just have an unhealthy attachment to her. I'd recommend not wasting time on those who don't reciprocate your feelings.

Try to meet new people and make some friends (I know that's easier said than done). Cause if you feel lonely and turn to her because you have no other options, it's not a good sign either. If you have no better people to talk to, you might be forgiving her too much.

 

[SVEN]

Yea and people like her will just worsen that. That's for sure.

Why should anyone lose time by doing that? For three years? Unless OP sent 'her' money I don't think that can be the truth

You've just not encountered some of the 'Walter Mitty' type delusional perves there are living imaginery lives online because they have no life in reality, then.

 

[Raichu]

Yea and people like her will just worsen that. That's for sure.

Why should anyone lose time by doing that? For three years? Unless OP sent 'her' money I don't think that can be the truth

Actually it might sound unreal, but I never send her money.

You've just not encountered some of the 'Walter Mitty' type delusional perves there are living imaginery lives online because they have no life in reality, then.

Hard pill to swallow, but that's the truth I guess

It seems to me that you just have an unhealthy attachment to her. I'd recommend not wasting time on those who don't reciprocate your feelings.

Try to meet new people and make some friends (I know that's easier said than done). Cause if you feel lonely and turn to her because you have no other options, it's not a good sign either. If you have no better people to talk to, you might be forgiving her too much.

I lost friends owing to shitty college drama. The ones left are the ones I just talk to when we meet. Acquaintances, not really friends

OP said they talked on the phone a couple times.

Anyway my dude, she is not the love of your life.
I had a similar situation with a girl, I was always on the fucking hook. Totally my fault (she kept teasing, I should've known better). For some people (cause mind you this isn't a female-only thing) having someone they COULD potentially be with is enough, and they never go through. Could you imagine doing that to someone you love?

Definitely not, I can't imagine that. However, I have had trust and commitment issues after she left earlier.

Sorry to hear this, my ex ghosted me after I tried reaching out to him 3-4 weeks ago for closure. He was abusive and manipulative towards me the whole relationship and I feel hopeless and have no idea how to move forward. Just know that you're not alone in this shitty empty feeling.

I am so sorry to hear that!
But being in a similar kind of situation rn, unfortunately I don't have any good suggestions for you. I really hope you feel better soon!

 

[Ozzyno]

You've just not encountered some of the 'Walter Mitty' type delusional perves there are living imaginery lives online because they have no life in reality, then.

Yea I can't even imagine that kind of loser, no I'm sorry I really can't.

 

[Raichu]

When was the last time you guys talked? I find that total no-contact over a long span of time is the only thing that even marginally works for me. I'm still in love with someone I last had regular, sustained contact with 4 years ago, but it doesn't hurt quite as much. He still lives rent-free in my head--not a day goes by where I don't think about him--but it's not an acute pain, it's more just a dull aching now.

She ghosted me earlier in January. Then we started talking again during September, as far as I can remember. Yesterday was the last time I talked with her, just to find out she ghosted and blocked me this morning

 

[Alexei_Kirillov]

She ghosted me earlier in January. Then we started talking again during September, as far as I can remember. Yesterday was the last time I talked with her, just to find out she ghosted and blocked me this morning

Best to let sleeping dogs lie and take a "radical acceptance" approach to both the situation itself and how you feel about it/your perception of lack of progress. Don't put any expectations on yourself with regard to the timeline for getting over her. It might take waaaay longer than you anticipate.

 

[SVEN]

Yea I can't even imagine that kind of loser, no I'm sorry I really can't.

Not a problem, just means you're a much nicer person than so many of the predators out there.

 

[Raichu]

Best to let sleeping dogs lie and take a "radical acceptance" approach to both the situation itself and how you feel about it/your perception of lack of progress. Don't put any expectations on yourself with regard to the timeline for getting over her. It might take waaaay longer than you anticipate.

Thank you so much

 

[MyTimeIsUp]

I was talking to someone online on and off (not many gaps) for about 15 years. I was a young and vunerable girl when I first started talking to him. Each time we would talk, it would always be sexual and I didn't want that. I told him far too many times. He would 'apologise' then do it again, so I kept ghosting him, because he made me feel so uncomfortable.

There were times I was going to meet but I backed out, because he gave me the absolute CREEPS.

He even went as far as talking to my friends to try and get in touch with me, and he did it a lot. He was really creepy. He couldn't let me go. Yet, we had never met. He was very manipulative, and pushy and that's putting it lightly. He always, always made me video talk with him sexually and he knows I didn't want to. He needed constant validation and reassurance, it was exhausting and ridiculous. We were never in a relationship. He was obsessed with me for YEARS and it was AWFUL.

Then finally, I ghosted him for the last time about 2 years ago now? Best thing I've ever done. A massive weight was lifted.

So what I'm saying is, a woman always ghosts for a reason. Perhaps you have done something to make her do this - you must have.

An online relationship when you haven't met isn't real. Yes, some of you may think it's harsh but it is true. You are on a screen. You don't know the real them, you have merely talked online, even video chatting isn't the real them.

Always be careful when speaking with people online. You never know the real them!

The best thing you could do is learn from this, work on yourself and learn to handle rejection better, because in the real world it would feel much worse if someone online made you feel that way, imagine if it was someone you was seeing in real life? How would you cope? I understand rejection isn't nice to deal with, but there's a reason, and if you could figure it out, it would be beneficial to you so you can prevent it happening again in the future, with a person you know in the real world, and you wouldn't feel as awful.

 

[Raichu]

I was talking to someone online on and off (not many gaps) for about 15 years. I was a young and vunerable girl when I first started talking to him. Each time we would talk, it would always be sexual and I didn't want that. I told him far too many times. He would 'apologise' then do it again, so I kept ghosting him, because he made me feel so uncomfortable.

There were times I was going to meet but I backed out, because he gave me the absolute CREEPS.

He even went as far as talking to my friends to try and get in touch with me, and he did it a lot. He was really creepy. He couldn't let me go. Yet, we had never met. He was very manipulative, and pushy and that's putting it lightly. He always, always made me video talk with him sexually and he knows I didn't want to. He needed constant validation and reassurance, it was exhausting and ridiculous. We were never in a relationship. He was obsessed with me for YEARS and it was AWFUL.

Then finally, I ghosted him for the last time about 2 years ago now? Best thing I've ever done. A massive weight was lifted.

So what I'm saying is, a woman always ghosts for a reason. Perhaps you have done something to make her do this - you must have.

An online relationship when you haven't met isn't real. Yes, some of you may think it's harsh but it is true. You are on a screen. You don't know the real them, you have merely talked online, even video chatting isn't the real them.

Always be careful when speaking with people online. You never know the real them!

The best thing you could do is learn from this, work on yourself and learn to handle rejection better, because in the real world it would feel much worse if someone online made you feel that way, imagine if it was someone you was seeing in real life? How would you cope? I understand rejection isn't nice to deal with, but there's a reason, and if you could figure it out, it would be beneficial to you so you can prevent it happening again in the future, with a person you know in the real world, and you wouldn't feel as awful.

For the starters, I would admit that there have been intimate chats with her and we shared pictures.

BUT IT WAS CONSENSUAL, I ALWAYS TOOK HER PERMISSION AND ONLY IF SHE AGREED I WOULD PROCEED. ONCE IT SO HAPPENED THAT SHE FELT UNCOMFORTABLE AND NEVER AFTER THAT I ASKED FOR IT. IT HAD ALWAYS BEEN RECIPROCATIVE AND SOMETIMES SHE WAS THE INITIATOR WHILE SOMETIMES I WAS.



The only reason I can think of is that not long after we got together, I SPIRALLED INTO DEPRESSION AND OCD. AND YES I TAKE MEDICATIONS FOR IT SSRI, TO BE MORE PRECISE. I TRUSTED HER WITH THIS SECRET. AND THEN MONTHS LATER I CAME TO FIND OUT THAT I HAVE BEEN BLOCKED AND GHOSTED.


It's perfectly fine, she might have fallen out of love, but she could have said so. If she felt trapped with a mentally ill person, she could have said so. Instead what did she do? I understand if she might not have wanted to stay together with me during that phase. (I am still on medication though) But, she just had to say so. There is always a reason for a woman to ghost and I just wanted to know why. Even if I might not have been the best guy she could have, I think I at least deserved that much from her. And yes, I know this clinging on thing is unhealthy. But sometimes you know, sometimes I really feel weak in my knees and can't help but think whether all that she said during the relationship was just a bluff.

Sorry, if I sounded rude. I didn't mean to. I hope you have a good day.