BlueButterfly111
Autistic and Heartbroken
- Dec 26, 2024
- 199
Well idk if I'm actually considered a widow because we weren't married, but he was my boyfriend. To me this is the worst kind of loss, because it's like you were the closest person to them/the person that they were in love with and you loved them. But it's also like you weren't their family member, so your pain isn't taken as seriously? Idk maybe it's just me, maybe that's just my life and some people have had it better. It seems like people just don't take my pain of losing him seriously whenever I talk about him. And maybe it's the fact that I'm young, 22. But the pain hurts so bad, even after 7 months since he passed away. I truly do feel like he was my soulmate and I've never met anyone as special as him, this is the main reason why I want to die.
But it seems to me like no one really cares about my pain that much. Or maybe I "shouldn't" be grieving for him this much, and maybe I'm the one that's not acting normal. I've always been very sensitive, and he was so special to me. Like the best person I've ever met, and it's really hard to live without him. The worst part about losing him, is that only he would've understood the pain that I'm feeling and really understood the love that I have for him.
Shortly after he first passed away, his family did acknowledge to me that he was in love with me, and that he looked happy with me, which I appreciate them for that. But now that 7 months has passed anytime I tried to reach out to them, I'm just alone with my thoughts, and I don't want to bother them. So I just keep my pain to myself, and my family was never there for me anyway. I've made posts about missing him, but no one in his family or mine responds, so I just stopped and feel alone with my thoughts and feelings about him.
I miss him so much. He made my life beautiful and worth living, now I just exist. I miss everything about him, I miss his beautiful soul. I really wish that we would've had at least a little bit more time together. I wish I could be dead already so that I can be with him forever.
I miss being taken care of, and loved and cared for. He used to call me spoiled lol. I can't live without him, I love him so much. No one really understands or even cares about my pain, but he would have. That's what makes being a young widow so painful to me. And even though I was his girlfriend, and not his wife, he told me that he wanted to marry me several times, and we were very close. I just feel so alone, I'm just waiting to die.
But it seems to me like no one really cares about my pain that much. Or maybe I "shouldn't" be grieving for him this much, and maybe I'm the one that's not acting normal. I've always been very sensitive, and he was so special to me. Like the best person I've ever met, and it's really hard to live without him. The worst part about losing him, is that only he would've understood the pain that I'm feeling and really understood the love that I have for him.
Shortly after he first passed away, his family did acknowledge to me that he was in love with me, and that he looked happy with me, which I appreciate them for that. But now that 7 months has passed anytime I tried to reach out to them, I'm just alone with my thoughts, and I don't want to bother them. So I just keep my pain to myself, and my family was never there for me anyway. I've made posts about missing him, but no one in his family or mine responds, so I just stopped and feel alone with my thoughts and feelings about him.
I miss him so much. He made my life beautiful and worth living, now I just exist. I miss everything about him, I miss his beautiful soul. I really wish that we would've had at least a little bit more time together. I wish I could be dead already so that I can be with him forever.
I miss being taken care of, and loved and cared for. He used to call me spoiled lol. I can't live without him, I love him so much. No one really understands or even cares about my pain, but he would have. That's what makes being a young widow so painful to me. And even though I was his girlfriend, and not his wife, he told me that he wanted to marry me several times, and we were very close. I just feel so alone, I'm just waiting to die.
