Being a bad person

[N33dT0D13]

like people tell you that you don't deserve to die and you know they're wrong, you know they say it because they're nice but you know they're wrong... I know they're wrong. The same shit keeps happening because I'm a stupid self-absorbed piece of shit and I know death would solve the problem and I don't fault others for not seeing it, they're nice, or else don't know me well enough... I need to die, actually need to, it would be a net positive, I no longer suffer the pain and shame of who I am and others are spared my bullshit! :D

But I am the problem, I know this, it's obvious. I am an obnoxious, shameful being, and I have been for a very long time.

I really wish I could kill myself. I am tired of being me.

 

[escape_from_hell]

I am a bad person too. I deserve hell but I don't want it because I'm a bad person who doesn't want to pay the fair price for being born scum so I am cowardly hoping to be able to kill myself and escape. There may or may not even be an escape. I feel bad for wanting to escape hell because I am such a bad shit person but I don't like being doomed...who am I to question nature?

I wish other people would kill me because at least then there's some good in the world done by my scum existence being eradicated, like that person would be doing a good thing for us all, merciful to me as well, and they would be a hero.

 

[dunedindwell]

What did you do?

 

[sos]

being a bad person doesn't mean that you can become a good person

you can learn from the mistakes that you've made

idk what you've done nor what you've gone thru but you can use all those faulty experiences in your advantage to become a better version of yourself

rn ur stuck in a tunnel vision; you've done bad so you think that you deserve to be punished in some kind of way

you can either step out of this life as a bad person by ctbing or have a go at becoming a better person

and if that doesn't work out, u can still decide to ctb

 

[N33dT0D13]

What did you do?

A lot but most recently made a dumb offensive thread that rightfully pissed people off then got deleted and I feel like an asshole, because I am an asshole, I feel like I need to kill myself cuz it keeps happening, I'm a stupid obnoxious pretentious ignorant asshole and I need to die.

 

[sserafim]

I think you need to improve your self-image and self-esteem

 

[JealousOfTheElderly]

A lot but most recently made a dumb offensive thread that rightfully pissed people off then got deleted and I feel like an asshole, because I am an asshole, I feel like I need to kill myself cuz it keeps happening, I'm a stupid obnoxious pretentious ignorant asshole and I need to die.

If it was the thread about asking people to insult you, I had an answer typed out but didn't post it.
However I'll post it here:
"No. I won't insult you. You are not the bad things you say you are and you don't deserved to be insulted by anyone - in real life or on the internet. You are not a bad person."

 

[N33dT0D13]

If it was the thread about asking people to insult you, I had an answer typed out but didn't post it.
However I'll post it here:
"No. I won't insult you. You are not the bad things you say you are and you don't deserved to be insulted by anyone - in real life or on the internet. You are not a bad person."

No, one where I asked if overly sensitive or emotional people are annoying and deserve to die. I fear people want me dead and simply refuse to express it. I made a lot of generalizations. I am a bad person and I deserved to be called pretentious, ignorant and an asshole. I accept the criticism, I fucked up. I wanted to trigger myself and did something that had the potential to trigger others as well.

I think you need to improve your self-image and self-esteem

I do bad things, I deserve to feel bad.


...If the people currently in my life knew how big an asshole I am, they wouldn't stick by me and I'd be free to ctb. The only problem being the added shame and guilt and depression I'd feel pushing them away but I already push them away, maybe I just need to wait it out, they'll get tired of me in time and I'll know they're tired of me so that'll be extra motivation...

 

[do0mer]

A lot but most recently made a dumb offensive thread that rightfully pissed people off then got deleted and I feel like an asshole, because I am an asshole, I feel like I need to kill myself cuz it keeps happening, I'm a stupid obnoxious pretentious ignorant asshole and I need to die.

Bro I (and probably many others) did similar things for fun. It's not that deep. There's no need to be so harsh on yourself

 

[N33dT0D13]

!!!
I am already a bad person and just lying to myself about it to feel like less of a bad person. I just need to accept it, that I will hurt people, and that will make it easier to let go and not actually fear dying lmao, I'm a fucking genius :D

I'm literally always lying to myself about being angry or resentful at others cuz I don't wanna hurt them... But fuck it lol, no one cares about me til I indulge their whims so fuck it, fuck the world and fuck my health I'm being selfish and I'm going to die lmao

I am a bad person and I'm not proud but I accept it and I'm going to die and I no longer care who is sad about it cuz literally none of them are who I wanted them to be. That isn't their fault at all and they're still lovely people... But I was not meant for this world. I'll apologize to my friends here since I won't actually say it to them for many reasons. I love you all and had fun with you all, take care without me, you'll be fine, don't be little bitches about me being gone... And please don't be mad at me but oh well if you are, this hurts and I'm tired of it.

 

[N33dT0D13]

I'm doing it again, self-victimizing and acting out for attention and using other people to regulate my shitty unstable emotions and it's working about as well as it's always worked and I'm rapidly descending from being in an abnormally great mood to wanting to die again lmao I am stupid and useless

 

[Cress]

like people tell you that you don't deserve to die and you know they're wrong, you know they say it because they're nice but you know they're wrong... I know they're wrong. The same shit keeps happening because I'm a stupid self-absorbed piece of shit and I know death would solve the problem and I don't fault others for not seeing it, they're nice, or else don't know me well enough... I need to die, actually need to, it would be a net positive, I no longer suffer the pain and shame of who I am and others are spared my bullshit! :D

But I am the problem, I know this, it's obvious. I am an obnoxious, shameful being, and I have been for a very long time.

I really wish I could kill myself. I am tired of being me.

Being a bad person doesn't mean you deserve death and suffering. No one deserves that.

People get way too attached to their self identity and the history of who they are. People like to keep things organized and it's a way of sorting things out in their brain. However the truth of this is it's all an illusion. In a very short Amount of time you deviate from the person you once were.

At any point you can change who you are As long as you're able to demonstrate the new direction that you want to take. You've already admitted Things you want to change in a new direction So it's just a matter of redirecting yourself.

It sounds like a radical idea that you're constantly passing away in a new person is taking over but it's true. If I cloned your mind and person exactly how long would it take for these two people to deviate and would they even be the same person? It can be argued that every time you sleep there's a passing of the torch taking place it's just you have mechanisms in place to make you not panic and make it seem like a continuation but it's really just all an illusion.

 

[N33dT0D13]

Being a bad person doesn't mean you deserve death and suffering. No one deserves that.

People get way too attached to their self identity and the history of who they are. People like to keep things organized and it's a way of sorting things out in their brain. However the truth of this is it's all an illusion. In a very short Amount of time you deviate from the person you once were.

At any point you can change who you are As long as you're able to demonstrate the new direction that you want to take. You've already admitted Things you want to change in a new direction So it's just a matter of redirecting yourself.

It sounds like a radical idea that you're constantly passing away in a new person is taking over but it's true. If I cloned your mind and person exactly how long would it take for these two people to deviate and would they even be the same person? It can be argued that every time you sleep there's a passing of the torch taking place it's just you have mechanisms in place to make you not panic and make it seem like a continuation but it's really just all an illusion.

Then why is each "new" me as whiny and self-pitying and stupid and needy and childish and self-absorbed and melodramatic as the last? What you say makes sense to a degree but I'll be borderline forever and sure other people can make it work... My psychiatrist is borderline and a lovely person and would be sad if I died but we won't talk forever, no one will be around forever and when they all leave me, I'm free to throw myself into the ocean or a wood chipper or a volcano... Like I need to detach from my friends cuz otherwise I will keep annoying and worrying them and I cannot accept that, I am irredeemable and I hate myself for it so for personal reasons, I fucking need to die lmao, I'll never like myself or fully trust anyone else so fuck it, I'm ready to give up, I'm tired of heartache and jealousy and paranoid and neediness and neediness and neediness and NEEDINESS

 

[Cyagangy]

like people tell you that you don't deserve to die and you know they're wrong, you know they say it because they're nice but you know they're wrong... I know they're wrong. The same shit keeps happening because I'm a stupid self-absorbed piece of shit and I know death would solve the problem and I don't fault others for not seeing it, they're nice, or else don't know me well enough... I need to die, actually need to, it would be a net positive, I no longer suffer the pain and shame of who I am and others are spared my bullshit! :D

But I am the problem, I know this, it's obvious. I am an obnoxious, shameful being, and I have been for a very long time.

I really wish I could kill myself. I am tired of being me.

Yeah I get that a lot

 

[Cress]

Then why is each "new" me as whiny and self-pitying and stupid and needy and childish and self-absorbed and melodramatic as the last? What you say makes sense to a degree but I'll be borderline forever and sure other people can make it work... My psychiatrist is borderline and a lovely person and would be sad if I died but we won't talk forever, no one will be around forever and when they all leave me, I'm free to throw myself into the ocean or a wood chipper or a volcano... Like I need to detach from my friends cuz otherwise I will keep annoying and worrying them and I cannot accept that, I am irredeemable and I hate myself for it so for personal reasons, I fucking need to die lmao, I'll never like myself or fully trust anyone else so fuck it, I'm ready to give up, I'm tired of heartache and jealousy and paranoid and neediness and neediness and neediness and NEEDINESS

Well if there's nothing left that you enjoy in life then your position is understandable. Was there anything in the past that made it worth it? I respect your decision if you want to leave. However it just seems like you're already so adept at deconstructing all the individual factors of your personality that you might be on the cusp of transforming into someone that you can be happy with if you just simply had something to motivate you. It's something that needs to be internal no one can give it to you. Without something that you perceive as magical in life nothing matters. I hope you're able to find some relief from the suffering That you're in.

 

[purple417]

like people tell you that you don't deserve to die and you know they're wrong, you know they say it because they're nice but you know they're wrong... I know they're wrong. The same shit keeps happening because I'm a stupid self-absorbed piece of shit and I know death would solve the problem and I don't fault others for not seeing it, they're nice, or else don't know me well enough... I need to die, actually need to, it would be a net positive, I no longer suffer the pain and shame of who I am and others are spared my bullshit! :D

But I am the problem, I know this, it's obvious. I am an obnoxious, shameful being, and I have been for a very long time.

I really wish I could kill myself. I am tired of being me.

i think almost anyone can become a better person. there are definitely some ppl in this world who r irredeemable but thats ppl who do shit like prey on kids and serial killers. its ur choice whether u want to better urself or just end it all. bettering urself is definitely gonna be hard as shit and a long journey with setbacks but i think u can do it

 

[brokeandbroken]

like people tell you that you don't deserve to die and you know they're wrong, you know they say it because they're nice but you know they're wrong... I know they're wrong. The same shit keeps happening because I'm a stupid self-absorbed piece of shit and I know death would solve the problem and I don't fault others for not seeing it, they're nice, or else don't know me well enough... I need to die, actually need to, it would be a net positive, I no longer suffer the pain and shame of who I am and others are spared my bullshit! :D

But I am the problem, I know this, it's obvious. I am an obnoxious, shameful being, and I have been for a very long time.

I really wish I could kill myself. I am tired of being me.

I'm not convinced being a "bad person" is a negative on earth. Being a bad person in my experience actually gets you places on earth. Being a good person? I dont think it gets you anywhere in life. You'll just get stepped on and taken advantage of. I think the worse you are the easier life is. I don't think you are a bad person.

 

[N33dT0D13]

I haven't shoplifted for over a year cuz I wanted to stop and promised my first ex I'd stop. My godmom who still does it praised me for not being criminal minded (while also still encouraging me... well, telling me that sometime I HAD to do it lol)...

Anyway I stole a tumbler today at a flea market that I took one of my neighbors to lmao. I wanted to pay but the vendor wasn't there even after we waited and waited and I got annoyed and snuck it when my neighbor wasn't looking. I didn't even feel bad at all cuz it felt justified, I don't even know how much it was but I was fully prepared to pay dammit... It was a Disney villains tumbler too, oddly fitting lmao

I felt so miserable waking up remembering I'd agreed to take him to the flea market but I predicted it'd be fun and we'd have a great time and I'd just feel suicidal again once I got home and the emptiness set back in... Guess who can predict the fucking future lol

If by chance that vendor finds this post... My first thought was to say be a better vendor but I don't want to make them feel worse if they're on this site lmao. I'd say sorry but tbh I'm not and I don't wanna lie... Shit happens?

 

[qualityOV3Rquantity]

Maybe you've done bad things, but you don't deserve to die for them. Have you killed people, have you tormented others? It sounds like you've just bothered people a bit. And honestly, it sounds like you're beating yourself up over things that aren't even bad.

 

[N33dT0D13]

Maybe you've done bad things, but you don't deserve to die for them. Have you killed people, have you tormented others? It sounds like you've just bothered people a bit. And honestly, it sounds like you're beating yourself up over things that aren't even bad.

I did relapse on being a thief today lol... I kind of missed stealing. I don't know anymore.

 

[N33dT0D13]

It's pure selfishness. I've accepted that others may like things about me but I still can't bring myself to wanna stick around. I may get better but I will always feel bad (internal) and act out (external) so why bother getting "better" when my "better" will still be bad? I will never not be an insecure jealous paranoid miserable heartbroken mess, I will always feel this emptiness in me, I don't care anymore, I'm tired, I AM FUCKING TIRED AND SELFISHLY I WANT TO DIE!!!!!

 

[Juliaishere]

like people tell you that you don't deserve to die and you know they're wrong, you know they say it because they're nice but you know they're wrong... I know they're wrong. The same shit keeps happening because I'm a stupid self-absorbed piece of shit and I know death would solve the problem and I don't fault others for not seeing it, they're nice, or else don't know me well enough... I need to die, actually need to, it would be a net positive, I no longer suffer the pain and shame of who I am and others are spared my bullshit! :D

But I am the problem, I know this, it's obvious. I am an obnoxious, shameful being, and I have been for a very long time.

I really wish I could kill myself. I am tired of being me.

Yeah same thing for me too :/ Honestly death is the only cure for the stupid shit I've done

 

[Michael_the_ratman]

I also think I'm a bad person and everyone tells me the same thing. You can always change, apparently with a of efforts you can change your personality. Or at least you can stop doing harm to people. I'm trying to be a better person but if I can't I'll just ctb. I wish you the best <33