Venting Before I go...(fill in the blanks)

[NoPoint280491]

I'm waiting for my SN to arrive and I'm confident that I want to CTB. I have shared my Google Photos access with my sister so my family and loved ones have access to my memories etc for my funeral and have chosen my funeral songs... however I haven't written a will or sorted out how they can access my money/savings. There's a part of me that wants to go blow it all and have a stupidly expensive holiday or something else but if I then survive I'm even more fucked.

What are some of your impulsive thoughts or desires before you go/ what have you done to get your affairs in order?


On a separate note... anyone in UK who knows how to test their SN and how to source other bits needed for SN please P*M me as would like to have it all sorted and board the bus by October latest.


First post here so please reply and be kind x

 

[GuessWhosBack]

Before I go, I'd like to finish reading a few books, and I'd like to finish my own. I believe writing should be short and impactful, so I don't plan on writing an awful lot.

 

[NoPoint280491]

Before I go, I'd like to finish reading a few books, and I'd like to finish my own. I believe writing should be short and impactful, so I don't plan on writing an awful lot.

I wish I had the attention span to read... used to love reading when I was younger. What genre do you write?

 

[GuessWhosBack]

I wish I had the attention span to read... used to love reading when I was younger. What genre do you write?

I love reading many different genres, but for writing, I simply adore symbolism

 

[NoPoint280491]

I love reading many different genres, but for writing, I simply adore symbolism

I feel dumb because I didn't know that was a genre but I hope you get to read and write everything your heart desires before(if) you decide to CTB x

 

[Trav1989]

I honestly own nothing besides a vehicle and I'm planning on just leaving my money at my parents house hidden in their top dresser drawer before I CTB on one final visit. I'm going to leave a long note that is many pages long on my person that I've been working on for quite a while now but going to also leave a short summary on three pages as well for a tl:dr version.

Planning on just driving two+ hours out in the middle of nowhere before walking deep into the woods, finding a nice spot, taking my SN, and calling my ex wife (she never answers my calls) and leaving a short message telling her of my decision to CTB and that I'm sorry for not noticing her mental illnesses as well as I should have which led to things falling apart and me choosing to CTB.

I'm going to just tell her that it's not her fault and I'll wish her the best for her future and not to think about me because I will be in a better place where I won't have to suffer anymore. I will also tell her that that I know she chose to move on without me but I just wasn't strong enough to continue without her.

Simple as that.

Then I'll lay down and just let everything fade away as I pass out for good. I won't mention my method on the message so even if found, the antidote (MB) won't be readily available and I'm going to make sure I'm deep enough in the woods that it will take a long hike (an hour or two) to gather me and take me back to an ambulance but by then I'll be gone but my family will still have a body to recover as the animals wouldn't have got to it in theory.

Just a relatively peaceful ending to a life that was anything but peaceful, I want my last moments to just be me staring at the stars with nobody around on an autumn night.

Would have preferred not to go like this but sometimes life just doesn't go as you expected and it's a better end than most so I can't complain. Sure, it could have been longer but to be fair I checked out over a year ago and have been dealing with depression for nearly two decades.

 

[newjourney]

I've had SN for 2months but been waiting for October as my plan is quite specific. I am planning to do it in the same month I was born. I intend to blow all my savings in the final days and if it doesn't work I'm going to make multiple SN drinks and down them until it does. Tbh if you've got doubts about those sort of things then it could be good news. It might mean there is a world where you can live and be happy. Maybe not but it's a good sign IMO anyways.

In terms of plans, I've booked a hotel to do it in and acquired SN/AE. I've cut ties with friends and most family. Intend to go total ghost in the next few weeks and ignore everything IF I am contacted. Quit my job already. I wanted to visit people or even reach out but thought it might be worse so I decided to stay away. I've written a brief letter about funeral/death arrangements but I don't actually want one and stressed I don't even want a headstone etc. Cremation can be very cheap if you don't do all the other main stuff which seems to be mostly for family anyways, I've never understood that.
All of my stuff is already in storage so this makes it easier. I've written a final letter addressing the main points about the reasoning and emphasised that it was no one's fault/nothing anyone could do etc. I'm still working on actual plans for the final week as I won't know exactly how much money will be available until later this month.

I created a thread a while back so people can write about final hours/days and what they plan to do. You might find it interesting. You can find it here:

What are you doing in your final days/hours?

I've seen a lot of planned actions for how to CTB, but as I now have a plan, I am curious about the last few days/hours and what to actually do. It is quite an important time. Firstly, I've chosen SN as my CTB method, mainly due to the ease of getting the antiemetics and SN. While not ideal it...

sanctioned-suicide.net

 

[NoPoint280491]

I honestly own nothing besides a vehicle and I'm planning on just leaving my money at my parents house hidden in their top dresser drawer before I CTB on one final visit. I'm going to leave a long note that is many pages long on my person that I've been working on for quite a while now but going to also leave a short summary on three pages as well for a tl:dr version.

Planning on just driving two+ hours out in the middle of nowhere before walking deep into the woods, finding a nice spot, taking my SN, and calling my ex wife (she never answers my calls) and leaving a short message telling her of my decision to CTB and that I'm sorry for not noticing her mental illnesses as well as I should have which led to things falling apart and me choosing to CTB.

I'm going to just tell her that it's not her fault and I'll wish her the best for her future and not to think about me because I will be in a better place where I won't have to suffer anymore. I will also tell her that that I know she chose to move on without me but I just wasn't strong enough to continue without her.

Simple as that.

Then I'll lay down and just let everything fade away as I pass out for good. I won't mention my method on the message so even if found, the antidote (MB) won't be readily available and I'm going to make sure I'm deep enough in the woods that it will take a long hike (an hour or two) to gather me and take me back to an ambulance but by then I'll be gone but my family will still have a body to recover as the animals wouldn't have got to it in theory.

Just a relatively peaceful ending to a life that was anything but peaceful, I want my last moments to just be me staring at the stars with nobody around on an autumn night.

Would have preferred not to go like this but sometimes life just doesn't go as you expected and it's a better end than most so I can't complain. Sure, it could have been longer but to be fair I checked out over a year ago and have been dealing with depression for nearly two decades.

This is sad and beautiful at the same time. I can completely relate to the last sentence as been dealing with MH issues for nearly 2 decades too and checked out mentally last year (had brief bounce back and now worse than I could have ever imagined as I've lost everything.) I also went through a long term relationship breakdown but he was the one who couldn't understand or my MH.


I haven't fully decided on if I will leave a note or the location yet but I have a car so it won't be hard to find somewhere. Think I want to have everything I need to do it first before I begin final arrangements as don't want to raise my hopes and be stuck here disappointed.

I've had SN for 2months but been waiting for October as my plan is quite specific. I am planning to do it in the same month I was born. I intend to blow all my savings in the final days and if it doesn't work I'm going to make multiple SN drinks and down them until it does. Tbh if you've got doubts about those sort of things then it could be good news. It might mean there is a world where you can live and be happy. Maybe not but it's a good sign IMO anyways.

In terms of plans, I've booked a hotel to do it in and acquired SN/AE. I've cut ties with friends and most family. Intend to go total ghost in the next few weeks and ignore everything IF I am contacted. Quit my job already. I wanted to visit people or even reach out but thought it might be worse so I decided to stay away. I've written a brief letter about funeral/death arrangements but I don't actually want one and stressed I don't even want a headstone etc. Cremation can be very cheap if you don't do all the other main stuff which seems to be mostly for family anyways, I've never understood that.
All of my stuff is already in storage so this makes it easier. I've written a final letter addressing the main points about the reasoning and emphasised that it was no one's fault/nothing anyone could do etc. I'm still working on actual plans for the final week as I won't know exactly how much money will be available until later this month.

I created a thread a while back so people can write about final hours/days and what they plan to do. You might find it interesting. You can find it here:

What are you doing in your final days/hours?

I've seen a lot of planned actions for how to CTB, but as I now have a plan, I am curious about the last few days/hours and what to actually do. It is quite an important time. Firstly, I've chosen SN as my CTB method, mainly due to the ease of getting the antiemetics and SN. While not ideal it...

sanctioned-suicide.net

Thank you so much for sharing... I am about to head there now and get lost in the thread. I honestly don't see a way out or back and have been doing so many self destructive things including being signed off from work for months because of my MH despite knowing my job is at risk. I've completely isolated myself from friends and social media/ don't go out except to church and my MH appointments.

 

[Trav1989]

This is sad and beautiful at the same time. I can completely relate to the last sentence as been dealing with MH issues for nearly 2 decades too and checked out mentally last year (had brief bounce back and now worse than I could have ever imagined as I've lost everything.) I also went through a long term relationship breakdown but he was the one who couldn't understand or my MH.


I haven't fully decided on if I will leave a note or the location yet but I have a car so it won't be hard to find somewhere. Think I want to have everything I need to do it first before I begin final arrangements as don't want to raise my hopes and be stuck here disappointed.

Thank you so much for sharing... I am about to head there now and get lost in the thread. I honestly don't see a way out or back and have been doing so many self destructive things including being signed off from work for months because of my MH despite knowing my job is at risk. I've completely isolated myself from friends and social media/ don't go out except to church and my MH appointments.

Funny how we both seem to be similar in age and both chose October to CTB, I guess life just hits hard when your in your 30's and 40's. You've been through enough to know what to expect in life at that point and that the train has already left the station. Yeah, it just feels right to go at this point, Will have been here for 35 years by then which just seems like a great chapter in life to end things on.

Your at the climax of everything and there isn't much left of interest after it and I think we all know how the next chapters go and there isn't much to look forward to. Could have waited until 40 but honestly.. just not interested at all. There just isn't much left for me here anymore other than my aging parents, the more I try to think of things that give me hope for the future the more I realize that there is none.

My survival instinct just left the building and other than my parents there is nothing tying me to this existence.

If anything I'm just looking forward to nothingness or whatever else is next, why hang out in the waiting room when you can just skip the queue and see what the fuss is about?

Everyone is dying to get there anyways.

 

[Anon7b8]

I wish i could have finished a few books, novels, series, and games that interested me. Also, i don't think any of my affairs will be in order. As it would be an impulsive attempt that hopefully succeeds. As my preferred method would be SN, the most i would do would be to drive to a beautiful place near here and listen to some relaxing music or maybe watch one of my favourite movies. It's ironic, but if i go with the last one, the movie I'll be watching would most likely be "Black Beauty"

 

[NoPoint280491]

I think my SN is almost here. Planning to CTB next week whilst my Dad is out of the country... do you have to test the SN... if anyone in the UK has a good amazon link for test trips and any idea where I can get AE... meto isn't available to me

 

[NoPoint280491]

It's here finally!!! The sweet relief. I need to get everything ready I didn't really think it would come. I haven't opened the package yet as need privacy to do that

 

[NoPoint280491]

I am really stuck on the testing aspect. I honestly can't make sense of any of the aquarium tests I've read about and don't have enough SN to waste it... I could try to do the blood test? I don't want this to set me back.

 

[sneab]

I honestly own nothing besides a vehicle and I'm planning on just leaving my money at my parents house hidden in their top dresser drawer before I CTB on one final visit. I'm going to leave a long note that is many pages long on my person that I've been working on for quite a while now but going to also leave a short summary on three pages as well for a tl:dr version.

Planning on just driving two+ hours out in the middle of nowhere before walking deep into the woods, finding a nice spot, taking my SN, and calling my ex wife (she never answers my calls) and leaving a short message telling her of my decision to CTB and that I'm sorry for not noticing her mental illnesses as well as I should have which led to things falling apart and me choosing to CTB.

I'm going to just tell her that it's not her fault and I'll wish her the best for her future and not to think about me because I will be in a better place where I won't have to suffer anymore. I will also tell her that that I know she chose to move on without me but I just wasn't strong enough to continue without her.

Simple as that.

Then I'll lay down and just let everything fade away as I pass out for good. I won't mention my method on the message so even if found, the antidote (MB) won't be readily available and I'm going to make sure I'm deep enough in the woods that it will take a long hike (an hour or two) to gather me and take me back to an ambulance but by then I'll be gone but my family will still have a body to recover as the animals wouldn't have got to it in theory.

Just a relatively peaceful ending to a life that was anything but peaceful, I want my last moments to just be me staring at the stars with nobody around on an autumn night.

Would have preferred not to go like this but sometimes life just doesn't go as you expected and it's a better end than most so I can't complain. Sure, it could have been longer but to be fair I checked out over a year ago and have been dealing with depression for nearly two decades.

Somehow that sounds…nice. The season, the stars. Wish it was easier

 

[uglyugly]

Gotta make arrangements for my animals to all have good homes. Can't and won't do anything until they do.

Not worried about my material possessions and the measly amount of money I may have floating around at the time of death. I frankly don't care about what happens after I leave this world.

That's the extent of my planning. I do, however, intend to eat as much sugar as I want the day I ctb. My body does not process it too well and it almost always makes me sick to my stomach, but if I'm leaving anyhow, why not gorge? I may very well barf my way into oblivion, but at least I'll go happy.

 

[Alo the obvi alien]

I'm waiting for my SN to arrive and I'm confident that I want to CTB. I have shared my Google Photos access with my sister so my family and loved ones have access to my memories etc for my funeral and have chosen my funeral songs... however I haven't written a will or sorted out how they can access my money/savings. There's a part of me that wants to go blow it all and have a stupidly expensive holiday or something else but if I then survive I'm even more fucked.

What are some of your impulsive thoughts or desires before you go/ what have you done to get your affairs in order?


On a separate note... anyone in UK who knows how to test their SN and how to source other bits needed for SN please P*M me as would like to have it all sorted and board the bus by October latest.


First post here so please reply and be kind x

One. Please DM me that link all I find are articles for the man that sold it (and from reading a few articles, it definitely was a rat ) I found one website that was sort of like the requirements for the website. I need some to confirm if it's it... Because sadly it sold out.

And two, I was going to blow my money if leaving America and ctb on a "vacation", but now you got me wanting to save every dime for my sister and ctb where I hate the most... And you know what, for my sister I will wait until my birthday to ctb. That way she only mourns one day as well.

But my birthday is in the summer......soooooooo if I wait that long, this bitch is getting the cheapest flight out and out