Hey guys. I recently went through a lot, and wanna tell my story here for anyone who wants to hear it. Feel free to tell me any of your experiences or just vent to me :P
This is a pretty tough story, so if you can't deal with things like rape and self-harm, I would suggest avoiding this story.
It started October 10th, 2019 at 2AM. One of my guy friends on snapchat asked if I wanted to hangout (I know. Already sketchy) but I agreed because I had a bad day (I worked 8 hours and earned nothing because I'm only paid commission at my job) and I wanted to relax and watch some movies with him. I already knew he was a bit weird, but I'm not too good with judging a person's character, since I do suffer from high-functioning autism. He had asked repeatedly for sex and it had gotten to the point where he was practically begging. I continuously denied him, and we agreed to just cuddle. When I got to his place, we watched movies and hung out. At this point, it was about 3AM. He was vaping and offered it to me. It had 50 nic juice in it, so it was quite powerful. After taking a few hits, I got dizzy and decided to lay down. I guess I had fallen asleep in that time. I woke up from an immense stabbing pain from behind. I screeched and fell off the bed. My pants were half down, but I got up and turned to see the guy laying in his bed with his dick out. He had attempted to perform anal sex on me, without any sort of lube or a condom, in my sleep. I got upset and slapped him in the face, then punched him. He grabbed me and pushed me down on the ground, telling me to calm down. I screamed that I would kill him. He opened his door and looked around before closing it again, then told me to be quiet because there were other people in the house. He offered me "hush money" so I wouldn't tell police, but I refused. I grabbed my knife (I carry one around for safety and protection at night) and I wanted to kill him. I knew I would be in a lot of trouble if I did, and I couldn't bear to take another person's life. Instead, I put the knife to my wrists. In that moment, adrenaline coursing through me, I wanted to disappear. He told me not to, and that he knew how I felt.
That's when I lost it. (descriptions of gore incoming)
I screamed "NO YOU DON'T" while slashing my wrists incredibly deep. I hardly felt any pain, but when I looked down, the skin on my wrist was completely split wide open in 2 places. Blood gushed out and I immediately feel down from the shock. There was blood on his bed, on his floor, and on my own shoes. The whole room smelled tangy and blood, and I gagged. I held my wrist together, and the guy began urging me to go to the hospital (after all, it'd be pretty inconvenient if I died at his feet). I stood up, grabbed my shoes and he herded me into the hallway. Remembering there were people in his house, I screamed for help as loud as I could. Sadly, nobody could hear me, and I still don't know how they slept through it. The guy pushed me towards the stairs while I screamed. I tried to sit down to make it harder for him to push me. He covered my mouth to try stop me from screaming, then he pulled me on my feet and shoved me. I didn't wanna fall down the stairs, so I grabbed and held onto him. Unfortunately, I fell anyway, but I brought him down with me. I bruised my knees pretty bad and hit my head. He got up fast, opened the door, and dragged me outside. I live in Canada, so there was a little bit of snow on the ground in some places and it was quite chilly. Anyway, I quickly grabbed my shoes, but my phone had fallen out of my pocket and I couldn't get it in time. I stood up and walked with him holding my wrist shut. I tried to stay away from him, but my head was reeling and I couldn't think straight, so I had no idea how to get to the hospital. After walking a block, I saw a woman letting her dog outside. I called out for help, because I trust strangers more than the guy at this point. She quickly closed the door (I later found out she had called the police, and was happy that she hadn't just abandoned me). I heard someone running behind me. I turned around to see the guy sprinting home. I stood alone in the street, then turned back and started walking in the direction we had been headed. I felt so alone. I screamed out to nobody in particular, but had no luck. I continued to walk until I made it to a road that was relatively busy (for 4AM). I flagged down a driver, and they stopped for me. A woman got out and began to call for help. Soon enough, police and paramedics arrived with an ambulance. Police asked me what had happened, and I told them that I had been raped and had cut myself as a result. They asked for the guy's address, but I could not properly remember it due to the shock. Luckily, they were able to follow my blood trail back to the house and surrounded it. I was taken to the hospital where a kind nurse spoke to me and followed the procedures required for sexual assault. It was about 4:30AM when I arrived at the hospital and I was lucky that the nurse had come in to work early because she felt like it (no other apparent reason). She did a rape kit on me, and found that I had a laceration on my anus and was bleeding from it. She also held my hand while an attractive, young male doctor did my stitches. I was anxious because I had gotten stitches in the past and I hated the freezing. Doctors gave me pills to help calm me down, and I felt like I had smoked some of the best weed ever. The freezing was still painful as fuck, but when it was over, the stitches didn't hurt one bit. I needed 7 stitches on the top laceration, and 8 on the lower one. I thanked the man for stitching me up and the sweet old nurse for holding my hand. My clothes were taken as evidence, and I was given fresh, warm clothes to wear. After all that, the police gave me a ride home.
This is where things begin to get better.
The police stopped by the next day, and brought me down to the station to make a video statement. I answered everything truthfully, and the officer told me my story hadn't changed, and that he was confident I was telling the truth. I shared screenshots of my conversation with the guy, offering money (which is illegal) and begging for sex where I repeatedly responded clearly stating I did not want to do anything sexual whatsoever. I was able to take these pictures using my laptop's webcam so he wouldn't be notified of the screenshots. I was told he had been arrested and had his first court hearing on the 18th. His next hearing is in 2 days. Although the entire situation rattled my whole family, my mother has been very kind and supportive of me. She texts me making sure I'm okay (because I began experiencing suicidal thoughts) and I am so grateful to have her. My mother helped me remove my stitches yesterday (10 days after getting them). My wrist is still healing and It still hurts a bit if I move it a certain way that flexes the muscles, so I'm taking it easy. The guy will no doubt receive jail time with all the evidence I have, and I plan on continuing to live so I can see him sentenced. I am just glad he can't hurt anyone now. I am struggling with ptsd, and have nightmares every night, so I usually stay awake until I pass out. I will be speaking to my psychiatrist tomorrow to try get some medicine to help combat these bad dreams. Overall, I think I have been quite strong through this whole ordeal, and my wish is to empower anyone who has been through something similar. Despite my relationship, friendships, and family being negatively affected, I continue to push through it and use digital art as an outlet. Hopefully, I can help anyone who feels lost or alone. I will always be here to help anyone and everyone who needs it. If I can find the strength to live through this, you can find the strength to survive whatever you might be going through. Nobody should feel the need to resort to suicide. I'm here, and I will do everything in my power to help you find peace if you seek it.
Stay strong everybody. You are loved. <3
This is a pretty tough story, so if you can't deal with things like rape and self-harm, I would suggest avoiding this story.
It started October 10th, 2019 at 2AM. One of my guy friends on snapchat asked if I wanted to hangout (I know. Already sketchy) but I agreed because I had a bad day (I worked 8 hours and earned nothing because I'm only paid commission at my job) and I wanted to relax and watch some movies with him. I already knew he was a bit weird, but I'm not too good with judging a person's character, since I do suffer from high-functioning autism. He had asked repeatedly for sex and it had gotten to the point where he was practically begging. I continuously denied him, and we agreed to just cuddle. When I got to his place, we watched movies and hung out. At this point, it was about 3AM. He was vaping and offered it to me. It had 50 nic juice in it, so it was quite powerful. After taking a few hits, I got dizzy and decided to lay down. I guess I had fallen asleep in that time. I woke up from an immense stabbing pain from behind. I screeched and fell off the bed. My pants were half down, but I got up and turned to see the guy laying in his bed with his dick out. He had attempted to perform anal sex on me, without any sort of lube or a condom, in my sleep. I got upset and slapped him in the face, then punched him. He grabbed me and pushed me down on the ground, telling me to calm down. I screamed that I would kill him. He opened his door and looked around before closing it again, then told me to be quiet because there were other people in the house. He offered me "hush money" so I wouldn't tell police, but I refused. I grabbed my knife (I carry one around for safety and protection at night) and I wanted to kill him. I knew I would be in a lot of trouble if I did, and I couldn't bear to take another person's life. Instead, I put the knife to my wrists. In that moment, adrenaline coursing through me, I wanted to disappear. He told me not to, and that he knew how I felt.
That's when I lost it. (descriptions of gore incoming)
I screamed "NO YOU DON'T" while slashing my wrists incredibly deep. I hardly felt any pain, but when I looked down, the skin on my wrist was completely split wide open in 2 places. Blood gushed out and I immediately feel down from the shock. There was blood on his bed, on his floor, and on my own shoes. The whole room smelled tangy and blood, and I gagged. I held my wrist together, and the guy began urging me to go to the hospital (after all, it'd be pretty inconvenient if I died at his feet). I stood up, grabbed my shoes and he herded me into the hallway. Remembering there were people in his house, I screamed for help as loud as I could. Sadly, nobody could hear me, and I still don't know how they slept through it. The guy pushed me towards the stairs while I screamed. I tried to sit down to make it harder for him to push me. He covered my mouth to try stop me from screaming, then he pulled me on my feet and shoved me. I didn't wanna fall down the stairs, so I grabbed and held onto him. Unfortunately, I fell anyway, but I brought him down with me. I bruised my knees pretty bad and hit my head. He got up fast, opened the door, and dragged me outside. I live in Canada, so there was a little bit of snow on the ground in some places and it was quite chilly. Anyway, I quickly grabbed my shoes, but my phone had fallen out of my pocket and I couldn't get it in time. I stood up and walked with him holding my wrist shut. I tried to stay away from him, but my head was reeling and I couldn't think straight, so I had no idea how to get to the hospital. After walking a block, I saw a woman letting her dog outside. I called out for help, because I trust strangers more than the guy at this point. She quickly closed the door (I later found out she had called the police, and was happy that she hadn't just abandoned me). I heard someone running behind me. I turned around to see the guy sprinting home. I stood alone in the street, then turned back and started walking in the direction we had been headed. I felt so alone. I screamed out to nobody in particular, but had no luck. I continued to walk until I made it to a road that was relatively busy (for 4AM). I flagged down a driver, and they stopped for me. A woman got out and began to call for help. Soon enough, police and paramedics arrived with an ambulance. Police asked me what had happened, and I told them that I had been raped and had cut myself as a result. They asked for the guy's address, but I could not properly remember it due to the shock. Luckily, they were able to follow my blood trail back to the house and surrounded it. I was taken to the hospital where a kind nurse spoke to me and followed the procedures required for sexual assault. It was about 4:30AM when I arrived at the hospital and I was lucky that the nurse had come in to work early because she felt like it (no other apparent reason). She did a rape kit on me, and found that I had a laceration on my anus and was bleeding from it. She also held my hand while an attractive, young male doctor did my stitches. I was anxious because I had gotten stitches in the past and I hated the freezing. Doctors gave me pills to help calm me down, and I felt like I had smoked some of the best weed ever. The freezing was still painful as fuck, but when it was over, the stitches didn't hurt one bit. I needed 7 stitches on the top laceration, and 8 on the lower one. I thanked the man for stitching me up and the sweet old nurse for holding my hand. My clothes were taken as evidence, and I was given fresh, warm clothes to wear. After all that, the police gave me a ride home.
This is where things begin to get better.
The police stopped by the next day, and brought me down to the station to make a video statement. I answered everything truthfully, and the officer told me my story hadn't changed, and that he was confident I was telling the truth. I shared screenshots of my conversation with the guy, offering money (which is illegal) and begging for sex where I repeatedly responded clearly stating I did not want to do anything sexual whatsoever. I was able to take these pictures using my laptop's webcam so he wouldn't be notified of the screenshots. I was told he had been arrested and had his first court hearing on the 18th. His next hearing is in 2 days. Although the entire situation rattled my whole family, my mother has been very kind and supportive of me. She texts me making sure I'm okay (because I began experiencing suicidal thoughts) and I am so grateful to have her. My mother helped me remove my stitches yesterday (10 days after getting them). My wrist is still healing and It still hurts a bit if I move it a certain way that flexes the muscles, so I'm taking it easy. The guy will no doubt receive jail time with all the evidence I have, and I plan on continuing to live so I can see him sentenced. I am just glad he can't hurt anyone now. I am struggling with ptsd, and have nightmares every night, so I usually stay awake until I pass out. I will be speaking to my psychiatrist tomorrow to try get some medicine to help combat these bad dreams. Overall, I think I have been quite strong through this whole ordeal, and my wish is to empower anyone who has been through something similar. Despite my relationship, friendships, and family being negatively affected, I continue to push through it and use digital art as an outlet. Hopefully, I can help anyone who feels lost or alone. I will always be here to help anyone and everyone who needs it. If I can find the strength to live through this, you can find the strength to survive whatever you might be going through. Nobody should feel the need to resort to suicide. I'm here, and I will do everything in my power to help you find peace if you seek it.
Stay strong everybody. You are loved. <3
