Been awhile

[MalboroMan420]

Hey all. It's been a good while since I been on here.. I'm still kickin' around. Not for much longer though I suppose.

I have 8, probably more, broke abscessed teeth and have been for quite a few months, hell maybe up to a year n a half at this point.

It's gotten so bad all of my lymph nodes are probably an inch or so in diameter. Groin, armpits, neck especially. Honestly I over all feel like.. "blah" .. refuse to check my temperature, but with the daily night sweats I endure, I know I'm running a fever too


I refuse any doctor, dentist, I self medicate so im in no pain so no one suspects. that or Pop 1000mg ibuprofen every couple hours and continue about my day. Sure I have moments of weakness, early mornings , late nights, like right now .. but I get by.


Thing is I know this is literally going to lead to sepsis if I do not let another life intervene. It is odd to say I can feel it coming. It is draining. My mother was septic and spend 18 months in a medically induced coma, she survived luckily due to her being relatively young, (this was 30+ years ago for reference)

I saw the signs and I seen what she looked like hooked up to all the machines. I just hope if I end up in the same situation she did, I can hopefully ctb and Take the other fork in the trail ..

Sometimes I just wish a world where there was no negativity, no sufferings I don't see how that can be such an ask. Some place u could just exist and be with no responsibilities or duties, owners or keepers. It's all ridiculous, all of it.
I forgot to add this song
Secrets In The Sunset

 

[f1lth]

are you scared of sepsis at all ? im very glad youre not in pain at least, as that all sounds awful to go through. I hope your passing is as peaceful as it can be. I wish the world could be like that too, its so unfair

 

[MalboroMan420]

are you scared of sepsis at all ? im very glad youre not in pain at least, as that all sounds awful to go through. I hope your passing is as peaceful as it can be. I wish the world could be like that too, its so unfair

I dunno. Not really? maybe more inquisitive about it I guess. I understand that it's painful but, I'm one of those people that have to experience somthing / do somthing to really understand what it truly like.

Thank you for your kind wishes, me too. If anything , id trade peaceful for quicker. Haha

 

[f1lth]

I dunno. Not really? maybe more inquisitive about it I guess. I understand that it's painful but, I'm one of those people that have to experience somthing / do somthing to really understand what it truly like.

Thank you for your kind wishes, me too. If anything , id trade peaceful for quicker. Haha

i can understand that, although i cant lie i think id be scared, but im glad youre not. But i definitely understand quicker over peaceful haha

 

[FuneralCry]

It must be tiring and dreadful having to suffer like that but anyway I wish you the best. I don't believe there could ever be a world like that, the only true absence of suffering lies in the eternity of non-existence.