Venting beauty is suffering

[lkjhgfdsa1]

beauty truly is pain

I'm really tired of trying to aspire to something that is impossible for me to achieve.

I feel inspired by beautiful girls who have ctb'ed.

if even beautiful girls cannot stand the tyranny that is their life, what is there for me left in this life?

the thought of getting older, losing my youth and continuing to age in this way disgusts me

 

[rozeske]

Beauty might be suffering but the lack thereof is a thousand-fold more.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Beauty might be suffering but the lack thereof is a thousand-fold more.

it's the lack thereof that makes me feel this way

 

[rozeske]

it's the lack thereof that makes me feel this way

I feel you. I'm in the same boat, it doesn't make life any easier

 

[thebelljarrr]

That's why I don't even want the happiness they talk about. I remember during my failed attempts I was feeling quiet peacefulness, staying in this shitty world is ugly and I'd like to join those who left

 

[DefinitelyReady]

beauty truly is pain

I'm really tired of trying to aspire to something that is impossible for me to achieve.

I feel inspired by beautiful girls who have ctb'ed.

if even beautiful girls cannot stand the tyranny that is their life, what is there for me left in this life?

the thought of getting older, losing my youth and continuing to age in this way disgusts me

Unfortunately this is a truth that is, at the very least of one contributing factor to ctb, and our opinion of ourselves usually doesn't change very much.

The story of that Chelsie or whoever, Miss USA girl, who jumped from her high-rise apartment always makes me really sad.... She was a jane doe on the new york post. Gorgeous, educated, independent, loaded career, financially secure, young, and still couldn't make it? Only saw like one interview with her and she seemed passionate, strong yet humble, and not annoying. A girl you'd like as a friend, so it's just sad; and that pic of her under a sheet with snow still on the sidewalk. So sad, and depressing....

 

[Meteora]

I totally get what you mean...

 

[aitouka]

I know what you mean. Many people around me are conventionally pretty and even if I smear myself in makeup I won't be able to look as good as their bare faces.

 

[lotus11]

So true...personally I've had anorexia most of my life to stay thin. Many people think ots a mental illness but at times I am not convinced it's a logical illness given the benefits that slim attractive people get in life

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Unfortunately this is a truth that is, at the very least of one contributing factor to ctb, and our opinion of ourselves usually doesn't change very much.

The story of that Chelsie or whoever, Miss USA girl, who jumped from her high-rise apartment always makes me really sad.... She was a jane doe on the new york post. Gorgeous, educated, independent, loaded career, financially secure, young, and still couldn't make it? Only saw like one interview with her and she seemed passionate, strong yet humble, and not annoying. A girl you'd like as a friend, so it's just sad; and that pic of her under a sheet with snow still on the sidewalk. So sad, and depressing....

this really fascinates me a lot-- how can a person have everything but still be unhappy? there really is no hope for me

 

[derpyderpins]

this really fascinates me a lot-- how can a person have everything but still be unhappy? there really is no hope for me

They must not have everything. It's evidence that the formula/recipe being used in attempt to create 'happiness' is flawed from the outset. They are missing something vital.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

this really fascinates me a lot-- how can a person have everything but still be unhappy? there really is no hope for me

Yeah I know. I wasn't trying to further depress people more. I guess it's sadly comforting that you can have and achieve so much and misery can still overcome you. They say it doesn't discriminate. There's this senator I like and his son ctb despite being at an Ivy league and apparently had lots of friends and had an active social/philanthropic life. I'll see some star college athletes too and it's just sad.

If it helps, I just saw she had memoir she asked her mom to release after she died and it's out.

So true...personally I've had anorexia most of my life to stay thin. Many people think ots a mental illness but at times I am not convinced it's a logical illness given the benefits that slim attractive people get in life

I think it depends on the extremity of it, and if it's isolated to just being thin, and you're otherwise happy? Like so many people starve themselves to stay thin and they've never been "fat". Like even Pollyanna Taylor Swift let it be know that she's caught herself purposely not eating after she's seen unflattering pics. It's such a screwed up bias, and it hits people at a young age and they essentially are screwed for life fighting it.

 

[Superdeterminist]

I revere pretty women. Just speaking to one is like a drug. Being apart from them is intolerable. I feel stupid for worshipping them so much, but I feel so much joy when I get the rare opportunity to interact with one. I wish I were in their league. I feel subhuman compared to them, although if they give me attention, I feel like I want to continue living again, until the attention stops. Then I want to die again.

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

Yeah I know. I wasn't trying to further depress people more. I guess it's sadly comforting that you can have and achieve so much and misery can still overcome you. They say it doesn't discriminate. There's this senator I like and his son ctb despite being at an Ivy league and apparently had lots of friends and had an active social/philanthropic life. I'll see some star college athletes too and it's just sad.

If it helps, I just saw she had memoir she asked her mom to release after she died and it's out.

I think it depends on the extremity of it, and if it's isolated to just being thin, and you're otherwise happy? Like so many people starve themselves to stay thin and they've never been "fat". Like even Pollyanna Taylor Swift let it be know that she's caught herself purposely not eating after she's seen unflattering pics. It's such a screwed up bias, and it hits people at a young age and they essentially are screwed for life fighting it.

there is only one way to stay young & beautiful forever

 

[Lady Laudanum]

I had 2 major plastic surgeries and I've also had fillers and botox. I make pretty good money and generally live below my means but skincare is another thing that I'll spend a lot of money on. I think that for me, "beauty is pain" takes on another meaning.

I was bullied for my appearance when I was younger. I was ugly but I had major flaws that were completely fixable with surgery, and the rest of my features were nice. I was also out of shape and skinny-fat, but after suffering from an ED for the better part of my life, I became obsessed with fitness instead. It's not healthy but it's the lesser of two evils by far. The changes to my appearance made all the difference in the world for me. I went from being unfortunate looking, to actually working part time as a model alongside my normal job.

My results are natural looking and I have no obvious signs of surgery anywhere. However, I still feel like a fraud. I feel like an ugly person who pretends to be an attractive person, even though I'm the one who spent all the time, money, and effort. Even though I'm objectively good looking now, I still hide my body in baggy clothes and wear a hat, mask, and sunglasses everywhere I go. Having to shop for clothes is my least favourite thing to do because it makes my body dysmorphia a gazillion times worse. I objectively know that I'm now considered attractive after all the time and money I put into my looks, but when I look in the mirror I still feel disgusted

 

[lkjhgfdsa1]

I had 2 major plastic surgeries and I've also had fillers and botox. I make pretty good money and generally live below my means but skincare is another thing that I'll spend a lot of money on. I think that for me, "beauty is pain" takes on another meaning.

I was bullied for my appearance when I was younger. I was ugly but I had major flaws that were completely fixable with surgery, and the rest of my features were nice. I was also out of shape and skinny-fat, but after suffering from an ED for the better part of my life, I became obsessed with fitness instead. It's not healthy but it's the lesser of two evils by far. The changes to my appearance made all the difference in the world for me. I went from being unfortunate looking, to actually working part time as a model alongside my normal job.

My results are natural looking and I have no obvious signs of surgery anywhere. However, I still feel like a fraud. I feel like an ugly person who pretends to be an attractive person, even though I'm the one who spent all the time, money, and effort. Even though I'm objectively good looking now, I still hide my body in baggy clothes and wear a hat, mask, and sunglasses everywhere I go. Having to shop for clothes is my least favourite thing to do because it makes my body dysmorphia a gazillion times worse. I objectively know that I'm now considered attractive after all the time and money I put into my looks, but when I look in the mirror I still feel disgusted

I relate to you

i used to be so beautiful and i chase the wrong things in pursuit of beauty, convinced i am an ugly monster
so matter what surgeries, procedures, ed diet, fitness, whatever-- only to end up this unhappy and actually creating an ugly monster.

i'm really tired of it all.

i don't want to spend the rest of my life in pursuit of something i already lost before i knew i had it

i don't want to look at younger women, forever jealous of their youth and beauty-- that's just hell to me.
my best days are forever gone and i will miss them forever.

my goal was to be beautiful forever-- but it is impossible.

a woman's life is too difficult

 

[lifteddream]

Unfortunately this is a truth that is, at the very least of one contributing factor to ctb, and our opinion of ourselves usually doesn't change very much.

The story of that Chelsie or whoever, Miss USA girl, who jumped from her high-rise apartment always makes me really sad.... She was a jane doe on the new york post. Gorgeous, educated, independent, loaded career, financially secure, young, and still couldn't make it? Only saw like one interview with her and she seemed passionate, strong yet humble, and not annoying. A girl you'd like as a friend, so it's just sad; and that pic of her under a sheet with snow still on the sidewalk. So sad, and depressing....

I think about that too :(( and feel exactly the same. Except I didn't know about the photo, was it from NYPost? Because wtf, isn't that illegal???

Maybe not, now I remember Matthew perry's hot tub being circled by news copters. Ruthless!!!!

 

[DefinitelyReady]

I think about that too :(( and feel exactly the same. Except I didn't know about the photo, was it from NYPost? Because wtf, isn't that illegal???

Maybe not, now I remember Matthew perry's hot tub being circled by news copters. Ruthless!!!!

Nope. Legal. They don't care. Probably got so much more excited knowing that pic's worth, finding it turned out to be a celeb. Gross. I found the article. Eery and just so sad, because it was a random woman lying there, sad enough, and then she was identified. Then there she was, lying on the street There's been celebs photos leaked from caskets. Elvis? MJ? If I recall. Gross. https://nypost.com/2022/01/30/woman-jumps-to-her-death-from-luxury-nyc-condo-building/

 

[yellowjester]

"Beneath every beautiful surface lies a terrible depth"

- Friedrich Nietzsche

 

[DefinitelyReady]

"Beneath every beautiful surface lies a terrible depth"

- Friedrich Nietzsche

Or no depth

 

[thebelljarrr]

Or no depth

Lol exactly

 

[EvisceratedJester]

At some point you just have to try and laugh at your ugliness instead of fixating over it. I personally have the face of a cabbage patch doll (the cabbage patch doll appearance was even worse when I was toddler) and boobs that not very perky. I'm not winning any beauty pageants ever. Thankfully, beauty doesn't matter when your dead (which is a relief for my cabbage patch doll looking ass).

 

[DefinitelyReady]

At some point you just have to try and laugh at your ugliness instead of fixating over it. I personally have the face of a cabbage patch doll (the cabbage patch doll appearance was even worse when I was toddler) and boobs that not very perky. I'm not winning any beauty pageants ever. Thankfully, beauty doesn't matter when your dead (which is a relief for my cabbage patch doll looking ass).

Are you one of those people who had the same face as a toddler as an adult? Like it's morphed onto an adult? I made a post commenting on suffering and "coping" and my response was blah blah, and then I say this joke aloud, which is, "Life Sucks!! Get it!?!?!"
Guess I should change it
to, "I'm Ugly as Fuck!! Get it!?!?!?!" My boobs started to sag when I was a teen and then never stopped; and my ass is so flat, it's practically concave, so... I win!
Can't outugly me, see??

 

[EvisceratedJester]

Are you one of those people who had the same face as a toddler as an adult? Like it's morphed onto an adult? I made a post commenting on suffering and "coping" and my response was blah blah, and then I say this joke aloud, which is, "Life Sucks!! Get it!?!?!"
Guess I should change it
to, "I'm Ugly as Fuck!! Get it!?!?!?!" My boobs started to sag when I was a teen and then never stopped; and my ass is so flat, it's practically concave, so... I win!
Can't outugly me, see??

Yeah, pretty much. I have a baby face and if it weren't for me being tall then I'd probably be mistaken for being a middle-schooler instead of a highschooler, lol.

 

[Rocinante]

That's why I'm joining the 27 club. To maintain youth and looks @sserafim

 

[DefinitelyReady]

Yeah, pretty much. I have a baby face and if it weren't for me being tall then I'd probably be mistaken for being a middle-schooler instead of a highschooler, lol.

I hear that. I used to get that when I was younger. Had the cutest little black girl standing up in a walmart cart in front of me at checkout, while her mom was a few feet away looking at magazines, the 3-4yr old girl eyeballs me, and sizes me up (or down) and cocks her head and asks, "Is you grown???" I was mortified
Put a mask on me and drape me and I could still trick-or-treat But I didn't know how good I had it being mistaken for a minor until the first time you're called "Ma'am"... Kids can be so cruel So enjoy it. It's the lesser of two evils.

 

[EvisceratedJester]

I hear that. I used to get that when I was younger. Had the cutest little black girl standing in a walmart cart in front of me at checkout while her mom was a few feet away looking at mags, the 3-4yr old girl eyeballs me and sizes me up (or down) and cocks her head and asks, "Is you grown???" I was mortified
Put a mask on me and drape on me and I could still trick-or-treat But I didn't know how good I had it being mistaken for a minor until the first time you're called "Ma'am"... Couldn't can be so hurtful So enjoy it. It's the lesser of two evils.

How old were you? Kids are so cute but they are so blunt that they end up hitting you where it hurts the most, lol. I used to get mistaken a lot for being older than I really was when I was younger, mostly due to my height. Puberty didn't help much either since my breasts grew in real fast. It wasn't until I was in my last year in high school that people started to assume the opposite and thought that I was younger than I really was.

I also didn't realize that there was anything wrong with my boobs until my stepmother decided to announce that my boobs were sagging then even hers in the middle of our buildings hallway while lecturing me about my bra. She even attempted to grab my breasts but I moved myself out of the way before she could. Not a very nice thing to say to your 14-year-old stepdaughter but then again, she was a very strange lady.

 

[DefinitelyReady]

How old were you? Kids are so cute but they are so blunt that they end up hitting you where it hurts the most, lol. I used to get mistaken a lot for being older than I really was when I was younger, mostly due to my height. Puberty didn't help much either since my breasts grew in real fast. It wasn't until I was in my last year in high school that people started to assume the opposite and thought that I was younger than I really was.

I also didn't realize that there was anything wrong with my boobs until my stepmother decided to announce that my boobs were sagging then even hers in the middle of our buildings hallway while lecturing me about my bra. She even attempted to grab my breasts but I moved myself out of the way before she could. Not a very nice thing to say to your 14-year-old stepdaughter but then again, she was a very strange lady.

Yeah that sucks being tall, then being short too; but I think being taller would be worse :/ especially for women. What a freak to do that... My boobs actually are saggier than my grandmother's (but I didn't have them refilled out with implants either) but even SHE would never say something like that. That stuff is reserved for bitchy siblings. Geez... sorry. It's a wonder I've never been in a fight honestly People-pleasers can get squeezed out under the right (or wrong) circumstances.

I think I was 21? I had a red/white/blue cute headband on that I wore to work, maybe a little makeup on. But yeah. Got scored by a 4yr old.... and she had a twang. I had boobs earlier on so it confused people, if I wore makeup I was a women; if I didnt, I was a child even though I could order a martini... One time my mom and I stopped at this random bar in the middle of nowhere and asked for directions, and they were like, "She can't be in here... We don't allow minors..." I wanted to be like, "Bitch, I'm 26 and I'll climb you like a squirrel-monkey!"