Beachy head

[goingsoor]

I believe tomorrow I'm going to travel to beachy head in the uk to CTB. It's hard as I no longer consider myself in a state of psychosis and I'm very much 'in reality' so it makes the whole thing much harder. When I was in the swings of mania/psychosis my impulsive nature made attempts much easier. I'm also aware there is no chance of 'failing' with Beachy head. 11 years ago I jumped of 3rd story balcony (was very impulsive) and did considerable damage to my body. The feeling before jumping I remember well, and my concern is I don't have that level of anxiety within anymore… unfortunately I already feel dead. Either way I want to go and see and scope it out. The idea of being here for Christmas is painful. I'm also scared of what may be waiting for me on the other side…

 

[theboy]

What did you feel during the fall?

 

[goingsoor]

What did you feel during the fall?

During the fall I felt nothing but the feeling before was an intense desire and panic to get out of the situation I was in. It was like something came over me and it wasn't me in 'control' so to speak. It wasn't a far fall to feel much.

 

[FuneralCry]

It sounds so incredibly horrific failing ctb by jumping and ending up with damage, it really is such a nightmarish existence where people have to suffer so much just because they attempted to die. But I do think that Beachy Head is the best jumping location in the UK because of how high and reliable it is, and I so envy those with the courage for jumping.

It sounds like such a terrifying method to me, but your feelings of wishing to be free from all suffering and wanting to prevent all future torment are perfectly understandable and make sense to me. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

 

[goingsoor]

It sounds so incredibly horrific failing ctb by jumping and ending up with damage, it really is such a nightmarish existence where people have to suffer so much just because they attempted to die. But I do think that Beachy Head is the best jumping location in the UK because of how high and reliable it is, and I so envy those with the courage for jumping.

It sounds like such a terrifying method to me, but your feelings of wishing to be free from all suffering and wanting to prevent all future torment are perfectly understandable and make sense to me. I hope that you find the freedom that you wish for.

Im petrified… even though for many months I have woken up with the sight and sound of my head hitting concrete from a fall, the idea of actually doing it and experiencing it is almost too much for my brain to process. I don't even think in my last attempt I thought I would kill myself. It wasn't high enough I knew that I kind of was hoping for a coma or something like that. I've actually had many good years after that. But unfortunately due to last years events I can no longer ever trust myself or brain again. And the level of confusion and paranoia I have just means I'm good for nothing.