Venting Be mad...

[sunny.sativa]

.. but I feel like suicide "attempts" aren't wholehearted at this point. It's just ..

I don't know. I guess I have no room to talk. I've "attempted" suicide multiple times, according to the book, but come on. I wasn't for sure gonna die, and I was COMFORTABLY aware of this. If I actually was so desperate to die, I'd have done absolutely anything I can to get myself there, regardless of pain or mess. I wanted it in the moment but deep down I was too afraid. I didn't wanna die. I wanted to be happy but didn't see that happening.

I knew there was a chance to be found with the hanging.
I didn't go deep enough with the lacerations.
The paramedics are professionals, so I understood the car accident wasn't fateful.
I could have taken ALL the pills ever instead of just one bottle.
I could have LITERALLY just jumped in front of a truck, or off an overpass. Under a train. Hell, I could have stabbed myself. I dunno. Just die.

There are easy ways to die. It's the hope that we have, deep down, that our sadboi pride is too strong to admit to. You don't wanna leave the sadness cause you associate with it.
People come around and they're like,"oh, yeah, I'm soooo sad. I'm so sad that I've basically tried to kill myself twenty times." Okay,
Cool. You're badass and whatever, Sgt. Depresso.. they obviously haven't ACTUALLY wanted it bad enough with that many "attempts" under the belt.

I'm not encouraging suicide.

But if one wants something so much that they can't even go a day without thinking about it, you'd think they'd just achieve it and get it over with and stop claiming that they have no hope left.
If there was no hope, you'd be dead. You'd have already done it.

We have to stop lying to ourselves. If you're not gonna kill yourself now, why even waste your time being sad and suffering until your "bus arrives" or whatever? You don't need to wait for anything. If you don't like it, do something about it. Your effort is shit and that's why nothings working for you.
If you're not gonna kill yourself now, I'd make a wild assumption that you low-key wanna live. You just don't wanna hurt anymore. You won't always hurt. It's just not realistic to hurt your whole life unless you actively make that choice everyday. Cause good shit happens whether you fucking like it or not. Not now, maybe, and not even next year, even. But six years down the road, you're gonna be like,

y'know what! Fuck! So glad I didn't die six years ago! This is awesome!

Decide what you want more and act on it. Stop bitching.

If you wanna be happy, find something that makes you fucking happy.
A surfboard. A book. A politician or a comedian. A favorite food.

You're playing yourself and making yourself feel bad, man.
Do you like suffering?


These are thoughts from the back of my angry lil brain. They're not directed towards any particular individual. They may not even make sense, they're not intended to provoke argument or discomfort. I noticed I contradicted myself multiple times here when I read it over but I needed to spill the words without filter or I'll explode.


Good day xx

 

[Oblivion Lover]

Well, I'm not triggered at all by what you said. Everything made a lot of sense. It made me think about my own situation right now, and doing a little bit of self reflection has never hurt anyone. I don't think I'll ever be not suicidal anymore, but still I want this decision to be as logical as possible, and that includes eliminating self deception. Kudos for you for being real and honest with us.

 

[ztupidity]

I understand what you feel @sunny.sativa . It's exactly like what I feel.

I'm gonna repost what I wrote in another thread --> https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-the-hell-hanging.20237/#post-379349


"In my opinion, it's all about courage. About will power. About overcome the doubt....

Yes! it's the doubt that make people fail! the doubt!!!

I tried to hang myself about 2 days ago. Partial. I blacked out for about 7 minutes (I remember the time when I started). I regain my consciousness with my pant wet, so basically I was subconsciously scared. I didn't remember a bit when I peed, just woke up with my pant wet and then panicly get out from the knot.

Death won't be easy when you have a slightest doubt"

 

[Saga]

I understand this, it's so common for us to succumb into "suicide" when every little thing isnt working out, I am the same I say I want to do it this time,I want to have it like this,but when shit gets real I try to convince myself one more day, and see if it turns out how it will be okay for me,I've been living like this for a while now,seeing as what to come good on my way and then I will decide I am trying to see the light at the end but If not its always comfortable to know theres a way out.It's okay to vent or rant about what you feel and think I think thats why this forum is also made for us who has these things in mind in which we cannot talk to others about in real life because I feel like on here theres no judgement there's no looking down upon each other...theres more freedom here for me than the outside world to be honest

 

[Rollinggirl]

For me, I have not found the perfect building for me to jump from. Before i jump, i need balance to make sure i land headfirst. Also, there cannot be things for me to grab on when falling so my SI does not kick in. Well...

 

[Soulless_Angel]

But if one wants something so much that they can't even go a day without thinking about it, you'd think they'd just achieve it and get it over with and stop claiming that they have no hope left.
If there was no hope, you'd be dead. You'd have already done it.
We have to stop lying to ourselves. If you're not gonna kill yourself now, why even waste your time being sad and suffering until your "bus arrives" or whatever?

because life doesn't always work like that, you can bust your ass off trying to get to the point, but sometimes life stops you, its hard to explain, I do think depending on where in the world you are, it can be easier to make it happen if your that determined (GGB for example)

 

[Conflicted Cat]

Oh great, not THIS kind of post again... How many times do I have to say it, SUICIDE ISN'T EASY. Stop making it out to be like it is. Don't you fucking DARE tell people that they don't really want to die. There are people everywhere who find no enjoyment in anything with very limited options that just want to die, WITHOUT suffering. WITHOUT. Some people fear what comes next, some people don't. There are many factors that make it so complicated for people.

I'm just gonna stop here, I'm getting too heated.

 

[sunny.sativa]

Oh great, not THIS kind of post again... How many times do I have to say it, SUICIDE ISN'T EASY. Stop making it out to be like it is. Don't you fucking DARE tell people that they don't really want to die. There are people everywhere who find no enjoyment in anything with very limited options that just want to die, WITHOUT suffering. WITHOUT. Some people fear what comes next, some people don't. There are many factors that make it so complicated for people.

I'm just gonna stop here, I'm getting too heated.

I respect your feelings. Didn't mean to offend. Shared my thoughts, expected disagreement and I accept that. However, life isn't easy either. So why not just accept that shit is hard and make a decision eithet way?

 

[Dreamcolleger]

If you stay in a horrible place making yourself suffer for a long time, you are going to have a horrible time. You might well need a lot of time to make a decision, but don't trap yourself in that spot if you deep down know the answer.

 

[cryptic_cynic]

The old "bitching about bitching" threads are the best.

Y'all must masturbate in front of mirrors.

 

[pole]

.. but I feel like suicide "attempts" aren't wholehearted at this point. It's just ..

I don't know. I guess I have no room to talk. I've "attempted" suicide multiple times, according to the book, but come on. I wasn't for sure gonna die, and I was COMFORTABLY aware of this. If I actually was so desperate to die, I'd have done absolutely anything I can to get myself there, regardless of pain or mess. I wanted it in the moment but deep down I was too afraid. I didn't wanna die. I wanted to be happy but didn't see that happening.

I knew there was a chance to be found with the hanging.
I didn't go deep enough with the lacerations.
The paramedics are professionals, so I understood the car accident wasn't fateful.
I could have taken ALL the pills ever instead of just one bottle.
I could have LITERALLY just jumped in front of a truck, or off an overpass. Under a train. Hell, I could have stabbed myself. I dunno. Just die.

There are easy ways to die. It's the hope that we have, deep down, that our sadboi pride is too strong to admit to. You don't wanna leave the sadness cause you associate with it.
People come around and they're like,"oh, yeah, I'm soooo sad. I'm so sad that I've basically tried to kill myself twenty times." Okay,
Cool. You're badass and whatever, Sgt. Depresso.. they obviously haven't ACTUALLY wanted it bad enough with that many "attempts" under the belt.

I'm not encouraging suicide.

But if one wants something so much that they can't even go a day without thinking about it, you'd think they'd just achieve it and get it over with and stop claiming that they have no hope left.
If there was no hope, you'd be dead. You'd have already done it.

We have to stop lying to ourselves. If you're not gonna kill yourself now, why even waste your time being sad and suffering until your "bus arrives" or whatever? You don't need to wait for anything. If you don't like it, do something about it. Your effort is shit and that's why nothings working for you.
If you're not gonna kill yourself now, I'd make a wild assumption that you low-key wanna live. You just don't wanna hurt anymore. You won't always hurt. It's just not realistic to hurt your whole life unless you actively make that choice everyday. Cause good shit happens whether you fucking like it or not. Not now, maybe, and not even next year, even. But six years down the road, you're gonna be like,

y'know what! Fuck! So glad I didn't die six years ago! This is awesome!

Decide what you want more and act on it. Stop bitching.

If you wanna be happy, find something that makes you fucking happy.
A surfboard. A book. A politician or a comedian. A favorite food.

You're playing yourself and making yourself feel bad, man.
Do you like suffering?


These are thoughts from the back of my angry lil brain. They're not directed towards any particular individual. They may not even make sense, they're not intended to provoke argument or discomfort. I noticed I contradicted myself multiple times here when I read it over but I needed to spill the words without filter or I'll explode.


Good day xx

how do i upvote this 5000000 more times, someone help pls

 

[Bulletwbttrflywings]

Way to rile to the masses on a weekend @sunny.sativa - now here's the J. Take it to the head, man.

We are all hurting and either way is difficult... that's the cold hard truth.

 

[sadbunny]

Truuuuuu maybe some stories are legit but most sound like total attention seeking bullshit

 

[DoneWithThis]

It's harsh. It's not pretty. And theirs some truth to it. Especially for the person who started the thread.

That being said. Where is the line? Where does the line get drawn? Where's the supposed difference of trying to open and honest about you feel and bitching? Who gets to decide that? Who gets to decide when someone is just complaining and someone who meerfs comforting?

 

[DoneWithThis]

I just want to clarify. I think we all get mad. Or have gotten mad. Just the way at some time. We've all tried to deny the way we're feeling. especially somewhere at thegining of things shall we say. We've gotten mad, pissed, angry. At the cards we were dealt, at the way we ourselves feel about ourselves and the world. Mad at our circumstances, our situation, the people in our lives even. And we probably all still get that from time to time. But for the most part. I think their comes a time, that we just can't deny how we feel the way we feel, and we unfortunately have to aept it, and we find a certain degree of comfort and peace in that.

 

[justanotherday]

.. but I feel like suicide "attempts" aren't wholehearted at this point. It's just ..

I don't know. I guess I have no room to talk. I've "attempted" suicide multiple times, according to the book, but come on. I wasn't for sure gonna die, and I was COMFORTABLY aware of this. If I actually was so desperate to die, I'd have done absolutely anything I can to get myself there, regardless of pain or mess. I wanted it in the moment but deep down I was too afraid. I didn't wanna die. I wanted to be happy but didn't see that happening.

I knew there was a chance to be found with the hanging.
I didn't go deep enough with the lacerations.
The paramedics are professionals, so I understood the car accident wasn't fateful.
I could have taken ALL the pills ever instead of just one bottle.
I could have LITERALLY just jumped in front of a truck, or off an overpass. Under a train. Hell, I could have stabbed myself. I dunno. Just die.

There are easy ways to die. It's the hope that we have, deep down, that our sadboi pride is too strong to admit to. You don't wanna leave the sadness cause you associate with it.
People come around and they're like,"oh, yeah, I'm soooo sad. I'm so sad that I've basically tried to kill myself twenty times." Okay,
Cool. You're badass and whatever, Sgt. Depresso.. they obviously haven't ACTUALLY wanted it bad enough with that many "attempts" under the belt.

I'm not encouraging suicide.

But if one wants something so much that they can't even go a day without thinking about it, you'd think they'd just achieve it and get it over with and stop claiming that they have no hope left.
If there was no hope, you'd be dead. You'd have already done it.

We have to stop lying to ourselves. If you're not gonna kill yourself now, why even waste your time being sad and suffering until your "bus arrives" or whatever? You don't need to wait for anything. If you don't like it, do something about it. Your effort is shit and that's why nothings working for you.
If you're not gonna kill yourself now, I'd make a wild assumption that you low-key wanna live. You just don't wanna hurt anymore. You won't always hurt. It's just not realistic to hurt your whole life unless you actively make that choice everyday. Cause good shit happens whether you fucking like it or not. Not now, maybe, and not even next year, even. But six years down the road, you're gonna be like,

y'know what! Fuck! So glad I didn't die six years ago! This is awesome!

Decide what you want more and act on it. Stop bitching.

If you wanna be happy, find something that makes you fucking happy.
A surfboard. A book. A politician or a comedian. A favorite food.

You're playing yourself and making yourself feel bad, man.
Do you like suffering?


These are thoughts from the back of my angry lil brain. They're not directed towards any particular individual. They may not even make sense, they're not intended to provoke argument or discomfort. I noticed I contradicted myself multiple times here when I read it over but I needed to spill the words without filter or I'll explode.


Good day xx

I really did for sure want to leave the planet, but my attempt failed simply because someone "rescued " me. I am sorry to still be here on the planet. So, I am a real example of someone that really did want to exit the world, but fate had other ideas for me.

Oh great, not THIS kind of post again... How many times do I have to say it, SUICIDE ISN'T EASY. Stop making it out to be like it is. Don't you fucking DARE tell people that they don't really want to die. There are people everywhere who find no enjoyment in anything with very limited options that just want to die, WITHOUT suffering. WITHOUT. Some people fear what comes next, some people don't. There are many factors that make it so complicated for people.

I'm just gonna stop here, I'm getting too heated.

I agree with you. I really did want to die and meant business, but someone " rescued me", so that is the reason I am still here. I do not want to be either...

I really did for sure want to leave the planet, but my attempt failed simply because someone "rescued " me. I am sorry to still be here on the planet. So, I am a real example of someone that really did want to exit the world, but fate had other ideas for me.

I agree with you. I really did want to die and meant business, but someone " rescued me", so that is the reason I am still here. I do not want to be either...

another words, my attempt failed...

 

[wanttodie.nz]

@justanotherday are you going to try again?

 

[justanotherday]

I understand what you feel @sunny.sativa . It's exactly like what I feel.

I'm gonna repost what I wrote in another thread --> https://sanctioned-suicide.net/threads/how-the-hell-hanging.20237/#post-379349


"In my opinion, it's all about courage. About will power. About overcome the doubt....

Yes! it's the doubt that make people fail! the doubt!!!

I tried to hang myself about 2 days ago. Partial. I blacked out for about 7 minutes (I remember the time when I started). I regain my consciousness with my pant wet, so basically I was subconsciously scared. I didn't remember a bit when I peed, just woke up with my pant wet and then panicly get out from the knot.

Death won't be easy when you have a slightest doubt"

I am a survivor of a failed attempt and it had nothing to do with doubt. Someone found me. Otherwise I may have gotten my wish to leave the planet. And, I am angry that they found me and that I am still here in my crappy life on this crazy planet.

@justanotherday are you going to try again?

I don't have the courage now because of it. I just feel trapped here on earth.

I am a survivor of a failed attempt and it had nothing to do with doubt. Someone found me. Otherwise I may have gotten my wish to leave the planet. And, I am angry that they found me and that I am still here in my crappy life on this crazy planet.

I don't have the courage now because of it. I just feel trapped here on earth.

 

[DoneWithThis]

I really did for sure want to leave the planet, but my attempt failed simply because someone "rescued " me. I am sorry to still be here on the planet. So, I am a real example of someone that really did want to exit the world, but fate had other ideas for me.

Even after doing stupid stuff when I was younger. Drinking breach. Antifreeze. Trying to OD over OTC sleeping pills and alcohol.

Death always defied me. It's almost like it was making fun of me. Nope, sorry, you're not welcome yet, you got to endure some more suffering.

Even though I didnt' sayy it out loud or specify that I wanted to die exactly..

this one time, I don't drive, vision problems, and as with one of my best friends. And I knew he was massive drunk. That he hadn't Aten. And even though I'll make jokes about it to hide the truth. It seemed like a sure fire solution to dying. Come on, I've had accidents with him before. Some close calls. Now he hasn't eaten and is massively drunk on champagne. Big city, he likes to hit the pedal to the medal, which he did. And we smashed right into a light pot. I'm not going to specify the speed since I'm sure he could be wrong. But we were going fast. Smashed my head through the glass. He was suppose to drop me off at the hospital but he supposedly forgot with the fear and everything. Which, I guess it's somewhat understand, I kept spuling blood out of my forehead and I kept going in and out off consciousness.

I thought great. I'm going to die. Finally. What a relief. it hurts horribly but at last it's going to be over soon. Nope. He skipper over the hospital because he was more worried about his car. And his car barely made it. It would of been cheaper for him to buy a new car than fi this one, but that's a whole different story about brothers and financing ND what not.

When he got home instead of taking me to the hospital. he was fighting with his father about the car. Nobody was b=payin attention to me. And I ended up walking 3-4 km to the nearest hospital. And even though I was still bleeding out. I thought, well screw it, at least it'll look like I made an attempt. And I died on the way to the hospital. God, damn it. I made it to the hospital.

Look. I could get into more detail. But I've ranted on more than enough, way too much in my consideration. But. What I'm trying to say is. Sometimes it just feels no matter what you try to do, you can't get out of here.

But on the plus side. ow. After having been on this forum. I've learned of more successful ways to die and finish with this life thing.

 

[justanotherday]

I just wish something would happen to take me on out. Anything.... disease, accident, ect.... I am afraid of having any more failed attempts.

 

[DoneWithThis]

I could try to give you some bullshit inspirational speech of self empowerment and finding meaning and purpose in your life. But I'd be lieing.

I wish that you didn't feel this way. I wish their was something I could do to make it better. I wish your situation, your circumstances, weren't what they are to make you feel this way. But things are the way they are.

And as far as the failed attempts I completely understand. Trust me. I don't think anyone having a lifetime of happiness just decides to rashly and impulsively offf themselves. Even if te media might pain it like that. Even if it might seem like that sometimes. But I'm really sure it's a build up, a compounded build up of how thheyyy've felt, for a very long time..

And as far as failed attempts go. On the plus side theirs plenty of lethal, efffectective, tried and true methods on here. And I think that's really good. With real world input, real world experience And to top it off, from people that feel the same we we do.

 

[oopswronglife]

If you're not gonna kill yourself now, I'd make a wild assumption that you low-key wanna live. You just don't wanna hurt anymore.

This is the case for every suicidal person. Some just try and convince themselves otherwise in order to accept their circumstances and tell others that to further reinforce this. Suicide is an extreme act. Nobody WANTS it in their heart of hearts. We are driven there when out ability to cope loses to the pain. Even those who finally do it aren't somehow WANTING it or are more valid than those still hanging on...they just reached their limit.

Saying "stop bitching and act" is a very unempathetic view. Nobody has to act on someone else's schedule or be "properly suicidal". Nobody has to meet someone else's requirements. I have a hard time understanding how someone who suffers themselves can be so hostile toward others who do and treat them in the very way they hate being treated. I don't understand that in general in life, the victim blaming and inability to treat others the way you want to be treated and NOT to treat them in ways you know hurts YOU. It's not just in relation to this topic. I guess I can grasp the basic psychology of it...the projection of frutration with one's own state. But choosing to throw it onto others always bothers me and in this case feels like you are pushing others to do what you feel you cannot. Attacking strangers because you are angry at yourself. You haven't failed because you can't do it and you haven't succeeded if you do. Same for the rest. It's not a competition or status. It's a terrible thing we are driven to.

 

[DoneWithThis]

This is the case for every suicidal person. Some just try and convince themselves otherwise in order to accept their circumstances and tell others that to further reinforce this. Suicide is an extreme act. Nobody WANTS it in their heart of hearts. We are driven there when out ability to cope loses to the pain. Even those who finally do it aren't somehow WANTING it or are more valid than those still hanging on...they just reached their limit.

Saying "stop bitching and act" is a very unempathetic view. Nobody has to act on someone else's schedule or be "properly suicidal". Nobody has to meet someone else's requirements. I have a hard time understanding how someone who suffers themselves can be so hostile toward others who do and treat them in the very way they hate being treated. I don't understand that in general in life, the victim blaming and inability to treat others the way you want to be treated and NOT to treat them in ways you know hurts YOU. It's not just in relation to this topic. I guess I can grasp the basic psychology of it...the projection of frutration with one's own state. But choosing to throw it onto others always bothers me and in this case feels like you are pushing others to do what you feel you cannot. Attacking strangers because you are angry at yourself. You haven't failed because you can't do it and you haven't succeeded if you do. Same for the rest. It's not a competition or status. It's a terrible thing we are driven to.

That was a great post. Thank you.

 

[lostangel]

.. but I feel like suicide "attempts" aren't wholehearted at this point. It's just ..

I don't know. I guess I have no room to talk. I've "attempted" suicide multiple times, according to the book, but come on. I wasn't for sure gonna die, and I was COMFORTABLY aware of this. If I actually was so desperate to die, I'd have done absolutely anything I can to get myself there, regardless of pain or mess. I wanted it in the moment but deep down I was too afraid. I didn't wanna die. I wanted to be happy but didn't see that happening.

I knew there was a chance to be found with the hanging.
I didn't go deep enough with the lacerations.
The paramedics are professionals, so I understood the car accident wasn't fateful.
I could have taken ALL the pills ever instead of just one bottle.
I could have LITERALLY just jumped in front of a truck, or off an overpass. Under a train. Hell, I could have stabbed myself. I dunno. Just die.

There are easy ways to die. It's the hope that we have, deep down, that our sadboi pride is too strong to admit to. You don't wanna leave the sadness cause you associate with it.
People come around and they're like,"oh, yeah, I'm soooo sad. I'm so sad that I've basically tried to kill myself twenty times." Okay,
Cool. You're badass and whatever, Sgt. Depresso.. they obviously haven't ACTUALLY wanted it bad enough with that many "attempts" under the belt.

I'm not encouraging suicide.

But if one wants something so much that they can't even go a day without thinking about it, you'd think they'd just achieve it and get it over with and stop claiming that they have no hope left.
If there was no hope, you'd be dead. You'd have already done it.

We have to stop lying to ourselves. If you're not gonna kill yourself now, why even waste your time being sad and suffering until your "bus arrives" or whatever? You don't need to wait for anything. If you don't like it, do something about it. Your effort is shit and that's why nothings working for you.
If you're not gonna kill yourself now, I'd make a wild assumption that you low-key wanna live. You just don't wanna hurt anymore. You won't always hurt. It's just not realistic to hurt your whole life unless you actively make that choice everyday. Cause good shit happens whether you fucking like it or not. Not now, maybe, and not even next year, even. But six years down the road, you're gonna be like,

y'know what! Fuck! So glad I didn't die six years ago! This is awesome!

Decide what you want more and act on it. Stop bitching.

If you wanna be happy, find something that makes you fucking happy.
A surfboard. A book. A politician or a comedian. A favorite food.

You're playing yourself and making yourself feel bad, man.
Do you like suffering?


These are thoughts from the back of my angry lil brain. They're not directed towards any particular individual. They may not even make sense, they're not intended to provoke argument or discomfort. I noticed I contradicted myself multiple times here when I read it over but I needed to spill the words without filter or I'll explode.


Good day xx

I know its not directed at me but Damn you got me there. I kinda want to live and I kinda want the emotional pain to stop. Yes I could of ctb if I really put my mind to it but most of my attempts are half hearted. I could of hanged myself out my back by that tree. I could of used an electric saw to cut the artery in my arm. BUT I AM delaying it and making up reasons to delay the death. I am a little scared and part of me doesn't want to do it but another part of me wants everything to stop. So here I am at war with myself I really don't know if I ever will I am stuck in this awful place now.