basic thread title

[highlyvolatile]

I'm drained from having to fake things for family all the time. Only here and am i really allowed to express just how I feel (Also in my journals and in my head too, but its nice to have other people who understand and have similar feelings as you.) Like ive experienced a lot of loss and stress last year (mom died, i was in an awful internship, family has been apart and fighting all the time, bf of 3 yrs left me, been moving around a lot since graduating, etc) and this year hasnt been the best so far either. I've been dealing with a lot on my own and im grateful for those of you here who have reached out. I've been doing things here and there but the more I look at it. With the way things are now I cant imagine being around for 3 or 4 months in the future.

Its getting more difficult talking to family and friends. Relatives asking me to call. Asking how i am what im doing. I lie and say im good, say im looking for jobs and im doing this and that, im thriving and caring for myself. (I've been the complete opposite. Mostly browse the forum and help my grandparents). I have my SN and everything I need. I just wanna do a few last things then i'll be ready to say goodbye. For the last few weeks ive been finishing shows and treating myself to some of my favorite treats that I can find and afford. I hadnt decided on my last day. But on that day, I promise i'll say goodbye to you all. Especially since i cant say goodbye to my family.. except in a note.

 

[mesohappy]

Basic response to basic thread title: Hugs to you.Ive read your feelings,relate,and send my love.Im sorry for your losses and stress.

Good on you for treating yourself,you deserve it.Im glad that you are here...

 

[Darkhaven]

Having to pretend everything is golden is a heavy burden. In time it takes a tool on you.
I haven't seen my father's side of the family for like 7 months and haven't talked with them for almost 3 months. Just feel like cutting people off slowly to lighten "my boat". I'm getting emotionally weaker and, despite never being a social person, talking with my grandparents or at least maintaining some kind of proximity with them was something i could manage. Now it's a nightmare just imagining i have to go see them.
I'm a wreck but it's not my fault. It's not my fault.

 

[highlyvolatile]

Basic response to basic thread title: Hugs to you.Ive read your feelings,relate,and send my love.Im sorry for your losses and stress.

Good on you for treating yourself,you deserve it.Im glad that you are here...

Thank you, im glad i can be here to chat with you all a little longer.

Having to pretend everything is golden is a heavy burden. In time it takes a tool on you.
I haven't seen my father's side of the family for like 7 months and haven't talked with them for almost 3 months. Just feel like cutting people off slowly to lighten "my boat". I'm getting emotionally weaker and, despite never being a social person, talking with my grandparents or at least maintaining some kind of proximity with them was something i could manage. Now it's a nightmare just imagining i have to go see them.
I'm a wreck but it's not my fault. It's not my fault.

I hope you have enough strength to get by. I know how hard things are at least for not having seen family and cutting people off. I hope that emotionally things get a little lighter on you and it's not as hard to deal with. I completely relate to it being a nightmare just imagining you have to see people. Its the same for me with my moms parents and my memphis friends. And it's not your fault at all. Sending tons of love and strength your way.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey Baby Girl..Sorry for the recent loss of ur mom

I know the feeling of having to fake it like ur "ok", when ur really feeling down..I despise it..It just takes way too much energy, which is pretty much depleted for me nowadays..

Despite ur very recent n painful losses n stress, u have still managed to maintain such a sweet disposition to me and the others here..I appreciate u♡

Continue to treat yourself, luv.. n if u ever need me, I'm here for u

 

[Darkhaven]

Thank you, im glad i can be here to chat with you all a little longer.

I hope you have enough strength to get by. I know how hard things are at least for not having seen family and cutting people off. I hope that emotionally things get a little lighter on you and it's not as hard to deal with. I completely relate to it being a nightmare just imagining you have to see people. Its the same for me with my moms parents and my memphis friends. And it's not your fault at all. Sending tons of love and strength your way.

Thanks, that's very kind of you!
And sorry for highjacking your thread with my own problems. Just going through a rough phase.
I hope life turns out well for you so you can be happier and won't have to comtemplate ctb in the future!

 

[ohhgeeitsme]

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. My mother also died on Christmas of 2018, so I know how.. strange.. that is. A lot of stress, lost job and home and all that. I don't really talk to any of my family except the immediate (Dad, sister, brother). I only talk to my Dad and brother really because I had to move in with then two months ago. Before that, I'd go years without seeing them. Anyway, the point is, I can relate to this and you are not alone. I know it may not be enough to connect with strangers online, but we are here. I wish you the best, my friend.

Edit: I mistakingly read part of someone else's reply as part of your post. Still, it all still stands.