Bad luck continues to stay with me

[koneko]

i am suffering from low self esteem,anxiety and i didnt do well in my studies.i was very depressed when i met my boyfriend.he was supportive and i could recover.we fell in love.we had a few fights but things were good again.
i started improving.i started scoring well.he was like a firm support to me which helped me improve.i thought he is not like a shallow guy who would use me.i thought he was a kind person.i was happy with my life.we got too close even physically.he was my first.i wanted to give him everything i have and be only his forever.

Yesterday he saw a photo of my grandma and compared her face with mine and said she looks better.People think i am cute,some think i am beautiful but i have been too insecure about my looks.i have hated my face.it even made me suicidal.i am not attractive or pretty actually.I have acknowledged his kindness but he has taken me for granted.He said she looks better but i am the most beautiful for him.i felt as if he did a huge favour by loving a hideous woman like me.It broke me.no woman on this planet likes being compared.its not that she is my grandma so i shouldnt care but he compared my face with hers.i have been very suicidal due to my flaws.its hard to accept them.i have scars and marks on my body.i cant dress up freely like other women.it was devasting.
i told him how much it hurt me and i did overreact a bit but it was due to an outburst of emotions.the one i love the most did such a thing.He got angry with me and decided to break up.I am too sensitive.i love him a lot but i cant stand this.i cant be easy going and accepting.
i am back to where i was and i feel suicidal.i do care about my family but i dont want to feel this pain.i dont want to live with the fact that the person i love showed me my inferiority instead of being a little polite.i feel so helpless.i cant stop crying.i need help.my mind has collapsed.its too fragile.i am writing this with a lot of pain

 

[pole]

i am suffering from low self esteem,anxiety and i didnt do well in my studies.i was very depressed when i met my boyfriend.he was supportive and i could recover.we fell in love.we had a few fights but things were good again.
i started improving.i started scoring well.he was like a firm support to me which helped me improve.i thought he is not like a shallow guy who would use me.i thought he was a kind person.i was happy with my life.we got too close even physically.he was my first.i wanted to give him everything i have and be only his forever.

Yesterday he saw a photo of my grandma and compared her face with mine and said she looks better.People think i am cute,some think i am beautiful but i have been too insecure about my looks.i have hated my face.it even made me suicidal.i am not attractive or pretty actually.I have acknowledged his kindness but he has taken me for granted.He said she looks better but i am the most beautiful for him.i felt as if he did a huge favour by loving a hideous woman like me.It broke me.no woman on this planet likes being compared.its not that she is my grandma so i shouldnt care but he compared my face with hers.i have been very suicidal due to my flaws.its hard to accept them.i have scars and marks on my body.i cant dress up freely like other women.it was devasting.
i told him how much it hurt me and i did overreact a bit but it was due to an outburst of emotions.the one i love the most did such a thing.He got angry with me and decided to break up.I am too sensitive.i love him a lot but i cant stand this.i cant be easy going and accepting.
i am back to where i was and i feel suicidal.i do care about my family but i dont want to feel this pain.i dont want to live with the fact that the person i love showed me my inferiority instead of being a little polite.i feel so helpless.i cant stop crying.i need help.my mind has collapsed.its too fragile.i am writing this with a lot of pain

really really sorry about what you're going through. you're significant other definitely shouldn't have made you feel the way he did. and you said you were overreacting? stop it. you definitely werent overreacting, i would've done the exact same thing, but literally kicked him in the nuts while crying.

im extremely fucking insecure, and hate myself. i just cant stand myself and how i look. so if someone put me down for how i look, id feel heartbroken, especially if its someone i love.

Its just so hard to do anything when ur really depressed and it influences negative outcomes in anything you do including studies. i had the worst academic year IN YEARS because of my suicidal ideations, depression, and just anxiety and low self esteem this year.

have you tried talking to a school counselor about school? reducing ur courseload, etc? im definitely sure they can help.

be honest with ur boyfriend, how he made you feel. u didnt overreact, dont blame urself for his wrongdoings. And if you think he doesnt understand how upset you are still, cut him off. You dont need that type of energy and person in ur life who makes you feel like that. If he truly cared about you, he wouldnt leave you alone to feel the way you do, because of what he did, and would ultimately understand the mistake he made. But to proceed to break up with you?? unbelievable. ull find someone better than him, cut that off.

i genuinly believe those who just cant accept themselves, or call themselves ugly and hate how they look, are really the most beautiful people i've met. many just need someone to remind them of how beautiful they are, because they fail to see it themselves; tell them everyday, remind them every second, literally force them to know how beautiful they are inside and out till they get annoyed of it.
AND THIS starts with a loved one doing this for you. yet ur loved one failed you. im sorry, he doesnt deserve you.

as for school, id definitely talk to a counselor. I talked with mine for the first time last week and she helped when i really didnt think she would.

hope things turn around for you and you are given the happiness that you deserve.

 

[koneko]

really really sorry about what you're going through. you're significant other definitely shouldn't have made you feel the way he did. and you said you were overreacting? stop it. you definitely werent overreacting, i would've done the exact same thing, but literally kicked him in the nuts while crying.

im extremely fucking insecure, and hate myself. i just cant stand myself and how i look. so if someone put me down for how i look, id feel heartbroken, especially if its someone i love.

Its just so hard to do anything when ur really depressed and it influences negative outcomes in anything you do including studies. i had the worst academic year IN YEARS because of my suicidal ideations, depression, and just anxiety and low self esteem this year.

have you tried talking to a school counselor about school? reducing ur courseload, etc? im definitely sure they can help.

be honest with ur boyfriend, how he made you feel. u didnt overreact, dont blame urself for his wrongdoings. And if you think he doesnt understand how upset you are still, cut him off. You dont need that type of energy and person in ur life who makes you feel like that. If he truly cared about you, he wouldnt leave you alone to feel the way you do, because of what he did, and would ultimately understand the mistake he made. But to proceed to break up with you?? unbelievable. ull find someone better than him, cut that off.

i genuinly believe those who just cant accept themselves, or call themselves ugly and hate how they look, are really the most beautiful people i've met. many just need someone to remind them of how beautiful they are, because they fail to see it themselves; tell them everyday, remind them every second, literally force them to know how beautiful they are inside and out till they get annoyed of it.
AND THIS starts with a loved one doing this for you. yet ur loved one failed you. im sorry, he doesnt deserve you.

as for school, id definitely talk to a counselor. I talked with mine for the first time last week and she helped when i really didnt think she would.

hope things turn around for you and you are given the happiness that you deserve.

thank you so much for your kind words.you really understand me.it made me feel better.i am feeling so devastated right now.i just dont know how to recover from this.it felt so bad.i poured my words from the bottom of my heart to express my pain but he told me to stop spamming.i wish i had a councellor.there is no such facility in my college.my mom does not believe in such things so she wont let me visit one.

 

[pole]

thank you so much for your kind words.you really understand me.it made me feel better.i am feeling so devastated right now.i just dont know how to recover from this.it felt so bad.i poured my words from the bottom of my heart to express my pain but he told me to stop spamming.i wish i had a councellor.there is no such facility in my college.my mom does not believe in such things so she wont let me visit one.

you don't have to have you're mom even know. you can privately schedule one. after all, its just helping with courses and school, it isnt anything bad?

every college really does have one. whether your in college, europe. it just might be named differently.

its hard to move on from heartbreak, surround urself with friends and those who can make u feel better. Do things that make you feel better.

he literally isnt a good person. he doesnt care about you, tells you to STOP spamming; when ALL UR DOING IS VENTING AND LETTING UR EMOTIONS OUT. He fails to understand ur emotions and breaks it off with you, then also makes you think like ur being extra? you definitely can find someone better.

id highly suggest calling the school and looking into it though.

 

[koneko]

you don't have to have you're mom even know. you can privately schedule one. after all, its just helping with courses and school, it isnt anything bad?

every college really does have one. whether your in college, europe. it just might be named differently.

its hard to move on from heartbreak, surround urself with friends and those who can make u feel better. Do things that make you feel better.

he literally isnt a good person. he doesnt care about you, tells you to STOP spamming; when ALL UR DOING IS VENTING AND LETTING UR EMOTIONS OUT. He fails to understand ur emotions and breaks it off with you, then also makes you think like ur being extra? you definitely can find someone better.

id highly suggest calling the school and looking into it though.

thank you so much.i started to blame myself for expressing my feelings but you made me feel better.i can see that he is wrong.i totally agree with you.i will try to stay firm even if its a tough process.i am crying now while saying this.
i will ask about councillor at college

 

[pole]

thank you so much.i started to blame myself for expressing my feelings but you made me feel better.i can see that he is wrong.i totally agree with you.i will try to stay firm even if its a tough process.i am crying now while saying this.
i will ask about councillor at college

great to hear, a councillor well help A TON. there job is to be there to provide assistance to students.

dont blame urself for expressing how you feel. do people just expect you to keep it ALL INSIDE and let urself drown in ur own sadness? let it all out. If those people dont wanna hear you in real life, let it out to us here.

u shouldnt be forced to hide the way you feel and keep it inside.