Weather
Student
- Oct 18, 2020
- 152
I pretend to have my shit really together, and truth be told, I'm pretty sure I fool most everyone. But I am about to lose it.
My spouse was just unexpectedly laid off from his job this morning; they decided to cut his department to save money (thanks pandemic; thanks Trump!). They might be able to put him in somewhere else, but we don't know yet. Several years ago, I quit my decent-paying job to teach. For those outside of higher ed, there are very few tenure track jobs and most of your professors (even those with doctoral degrees who teach beloved courses) get paid shockingly little. My husband carried health insurance for the family; I don't get any through my employment. So, no money and no health care.
Did I mention I have kids? Because I do. Several of them.
Yes, yes, I know. Contact the people I know, hustle, get a job back at a firm, make it work... but... I don't think I can. Even if people were hiring during a pandemic, I am so... hopeless. And I'm just not as sharp or funny or clever as I used to be.
I want to be done. Nothing ever works out. Nothing is every ok. It's one struggle after another. I know my problems are insignificant compared to many of yours (my mental health problems are just depression/anxiety/PTSD) and I feel stupid for feeling this bad... but I also feel stupid for thinking maybe I could just sit in the boat, very still, and manage to keep it from sinking.
Oh, and it's the election today. I can't.
My spouse was just unexpectedly laid off from his job this morning; they decided to cut his department to save money (thanks pandemic; thanks Trump!). They might be able to put him in somewhere else, but we don't know yet. Several years ago, I quit my decent-paying job to teach. For those outside of higher ed, there are very few tenure track jobs and most of your professors (even those with doctoral degrees who teach beloved courses) get paid shockingly little. My husband carried health insurance for the family; I don't get any through my employment. So, no money and no health care.
Did I mention I have kids? Because I do. Several of them.
Yes, yes, I know. Contact the people I know, hustle, get a job back at a firm, make it work... but... I don't think I can. Even if people were hiring during a pandemic, I am so... hopeless. And I'm just not as sharp or funny or clever as I used to be.
I want to be done. Nothing ever works out. Nothing is every ok. It's one struggle after another. I know my problems are insignificant compared to many of yours (my mental health problems are just depression/anxiety/PTSD) and I feel stupid for feeling this bad... but I also feel stupid for thinking maybe I could just sit in the boat, very still, and manage to keep it from sinking.
Oh, and it's the election today. I can't.
