Venting Bad Dads club. How did your parents mess you up?

[ghostspace]

(moms, caregivers, etc included)


mine is a manipulative, lying, abusive narcissist who'd prefer me to be dead than mentally ill.

 

[Mustkeyknow]

They're both dumb as fuck. They grew up a certain way thinking the same rules applied to me and my sister but of course they didn't. My sister is doing great and I'm stuck right now but I don't blame them 100%. They were just doing what they thought was the best for me, I'm sure they didn't mean no harm.

 

[Ardesevent]

My mom committed suicide, back when I was 11. I understand why she did it, and I'd be a hypocrite if I was upset with her about it.
My dad was just too depressed about it to raise me, and it ended up affecting my life a lot. We ended up having fast food 7 days a week, I was constantly missing doctor and dentist appointments, all of my clothes were ripped or too small for me, etc. He's a nice person, just not a good parent.

 

[Abaigh]

My dad was seemed to be a good dad until he revealed his true self. An pedophile who gave me ptsd. And my mother is a narcissist.

 

[BFishy]

Pretty much abandoned because their buisness came first. I can remember being alone after school since like 6. I had a sister that was 6 years older than me that who knows where she was but if she was around I usually got beat up, until I started fighting back. Always felt like an embarrassment to my parents because I was fat (had me on diet pills in 5th grade.) So what about 10 years old? That's just some of the stuff off the top of my head. Never feeling loved. Now I can't find anyone to love me either except my daughter. I would be much better off dead as some kind of fertilizer.

 

[Despondent]

My "father" was emotionally, verbally, mentally, and financially abusive. Everything I did on my own and did "well" in/with, he'd make it about him and would go around to others as if I was some form of award-winning trophy to him. Then behind closed doors he was an abusive and manipulative deadbeat. Ughh.. I could go on for days

 

[the box is empty]

Does no dad count as a bad dad?

In all seriousness my mother meant well but she's the reason I have a hard time asking people for help which is partially how I spiraled to where I am now. Asking for help was always viewed as weakness.

 

[a.n.kirillov]

My dad had lost his five year old son two years before I was born while he was still suicidally depressed (I suppose to fill a void). My mother is pretty damaged from her own upbringing.

They seperated when I was about five years old and bad-mouthed each other in front of me.

My mother, with whom I lived until the age of 14, was not very attuned to my emotions.

Both of them watched me fuck up my life and especially my dad watched me become a chain smoker at 13yo, drink myself into comas, get suspended from schools, etc...

My dad can't show his emotions, it was only possible in our household through extreme levels of sarcasm. He always blocked and went distant when I expressed any bad feelings.


Well what can I say, it's very hard not to fuck up a child because you need to make it into a functioning adult within a dysfunctional, fucked up world. If you're not highly educated, successful and privileged your child will have to be broken quite extensively to fit in. Only rich people can live as eccentrics.
.
Oh we have a lot of alcoholics, suicides and generally just many broken men, absent fathers and low life people within the family. But there is also a strong streak of liberalism from my dad's side (my grandpa was an outspoken atheist even though he lived in the US of A and came from a religious family and I always admired him for that) and a certain sensibility and sense of dignity I inherited from him which weighs up a lot of the crap.

 

[Throwmyselfaway]

Both parents alcoholics. Bad beat mom who in turn took it out on me. Both were emotionally and mentally abusive towards me. I was recently diagnosed with ptsd because of all that from over 30 years ago. It actually explains a lot.

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

My mom committed suicide, back when I was 11. I understand why she did it, and I'd be a hypocrite if I was upset with her about it.
My dad was just too depressed about it to raise me, and it ended up affecting my life a lot. We ended up having fast food 7 days a week, I was constantly missing doctor and dentist appointments, all of my clothes were ripped or too small for me, etc. He's a nice person, just not a good parent.

These nice person bad parent friend dads are the worst of the worst

 

[s1mplem3]

Mine just lost me somewhere in this world and don't want to find.

 

[Ghost2211]

Mine used starvation as his go to punishment. He had four giant snakes and it was my job to tell him when the bunnies he was Suffocating in Tupperware for the snakes were dead, so I would look them in the eye and watch the life fade out. . His cat had babies and he gave the kitten I bonded with away.

 

[lowres]

My mother is generally an emotional and bitter person but she tries hard and is financially supporting me so i cant talk too ill of her. My father is a miniserable cynic who is completely emotionally unavailable. Im human trash though. I have no reason to blame them for how i turned out today, im the only one responsible for my mess of a life

 

[Aeathelina]

No father but my mother and grandma were just the most bipolar people ever with a hefty dash of guilt tripping and neglect. We were not allowed to be upset over the poverty that was caused by their reckless spending. We could talk to one about what happens in the house or else. Basically wanted us to smile and wave 24/7.

 

[Fragile]

My father was an extremely mean drunk, my mother was basically his slave and was abused almost to the day that he died from cancer.
so much that through constant abuse and other issues i came out a bit earlier from her pregnancy, he threatened to kill me many times after i was born but i was too young to remember any of that.
then my mother had to fight a legal battle for years because we had nothing after he died, my older half brothers (even older than my mother) played some dirty lawyer tricks and wanted to take everything that he had left us, i remember them lying in his death bed telling him that they were going to take care of us and leave us the money after he passed.

the legal battle was bad, my mom had to spend days away from me and my brother and i grew up basically alone and poor after being rich from ages 1 to 6. not her fault of course, she suffered so much for us. i can't say anything bad about her even if i wanted to.

but it is because of his inheritances that i get to live a simple middle class life with a government pension, no need to worry about working which is a relief because i just can't do it.

 

[Beautiful_Disgrace]

Both my parents are emotionally manipulative narcissists. I was beaten and punished for things normal children did. They both hated each other but it took them 18 years to finally separate, which was my moms doing. I tried to have a relationship with both of them after I became an adult, but 10 years in I couldn't do it anymore. I don't talk to either of them, and even though they were so abusive and damaging I've never felt so alone.

 

[disabledandhopeless]

Both parents wished that I'm dead and also conveniently abandoned me outside a few times after I became physically ill and disabled. I never felt loved or had any emotional support from them my entire life. They are really good with emotional/verbal abuse as well. Mom is a lot more evil than dad (no compassion/no feelings/manipulative/can go all out just to hurt you & many more) JUST EVIL. I don't talk to her anymore.
Note that they actually appear to be "nice" to other people so every one else thought I have good parents.

Some people just shouldn't breed at all if they don't want to love their children. Now I'm left in this cruel place to live and die alone because of their selfishness.

 

[Beautiful_Disgrace]

Note that they actually appear to be "nice" to other people so every one else thought I have good parents.

This is the fucking worst feeling that I know all too well. Literally everyone just thinks I'm overreacting about my parents and tell me I'm being cruel because I choose not to talk to them. They will never understand because they have never seen what monsters my parents are.

 

[Deleted member 14386]

oh wow perfect timing, I was just going off on my parents in another thread.
Basically they had no plan, my brother is about 5yrs older than me, they were screaming at each other the entire time apparently. I couldn't see my dad since my mum took us away, so when I was 16 I moved in to live w/ my bro an dad. Then I found out he was an alcoholic/smoking weed all day erryday.
I did the same thing and never came out, I'm heroin free about 12 months now (yay!) but want to ctb more than ever
edit: oh yeah and ofc I get blamed for effing everything, name it and I'll have taken the blame for it

 

[lymestolemylife]

My mom committed suicide, back when I was 11. I understand why she did it, and I'd be a hypocrite if I was upset with her about it.
My dad was just too depressed about it to raise me, and it ended up affecting my life a lot. We ended up having fast food 7 days a week, I was constantly missing doctor and dentist appointments, all of my clothes were ripped or too small for me, etc. He's a nice person, just not a good parent.

I have an incurable illness and suffer with so much pain and am bedridden I have an 11 year old, Don't know how much longer I can hang in there. Did it crush you or did you understand why she left? I also have mental illness and so does she, will this be her fate too? I just can't suffer like this, I cant deal with the symptoms anymore.

 

[Emily123]

My dad was beating me everyday without even one day exception . He was breaking my personality in front of other people . He continued doing it as long as I started defending myself when I was a teenager . He is death now . Sometimes I feel guilty that I was fighting back . I spent all my childhood being the soldier of my dad and I never had a chance to think that I am not the person that my dad was trying to build from me . This is why I spent all my life in a room because I did not want people see me . This is why I started transition when I was not young anymore and I feel so disappointed and suicidal because no surgery can return my youthhood

 

[Lifeiswildsuperwild]

My father raised me- he was 50 years old when I was born. He was stuck in his old ways and just finished his third marriage with my mother... he let me do whatever I want. Which was cool at the time. But in the end I don't think it helped me. We didn't say much to each other really. "Just what do you want for dinner." I honestly can't remember him ever asking how was your day or anything like that. Not once in all those years.

he never grounded me- I got Fs growing up but never punished. I was never forced to do homework. He couldn't help me with it even if I needed it.

He was a nice guy- not a good father. My 3 half brothers I heard don't even talk to him/invited him to the weddings.

We are good now. I understand nowBut understanding now doesn't change the past. He chose to have a kid. Take responsibility. Help that kid. Talk to him- teach him things- get involved with his life.
It's hard not to put all the blame on him.

I know I should have probably spoken up as a kid- but how the hell was I supposed to know... we fought all the time... it sucks. I wish he talked to me about college. Not once. And guess what- ended up dropping out. I turned out fine career wise for my age. But just something has always felt missing..

don't get me wrong- it could be worse. No parents. No one to take care of me... But problems are different for every individual and if you compare with others you can always say "it could be worse" - while that may be true, the problems are effecting YOU and you're your first priority. And some people are not mentally capable of brushing off problems as well as others. I used to think I was invincible- I realized these days that I was wrong. It all hit me like a train.

I see now that I'm more fucked up than I thought. I never thought I would be on some suicide forum. But here I am. It's all fucking crazy.

i realize I'm probably on a tangent- but this is nice. It feels like I'm talking to someone who cares. I have friends... but I know if I talk to them about any of this I'll get "I'm sorry man".
I tried talking to a coworker about it. All I got from him was "it's all in your head"/"I just hear excuses"

edit: (tangent) I don't wanna put my faults on my father or anyone... My mistakes are my mistakes- I regret them all. I just wish everyone knew I was sorry and I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I turned into someone else at some point. It's like I'm two different people.

edit 2: or maybe that's my excuse for just being a shitty person- I honestly don't know anymore man. This is all crazy.

 

[Soulless_Angel]

My mother messed me up by bringing me into this world. She never wanted me, within hour's of having me, i was dumped on godparents. Everyone else came first for her. She left me with pedophiles, knew what was happening but turned a blind eye to it. She had no emotional warmth, recently she admitted she hates affection and hugs and things like that. She beat me regulary, and its only in past 6 months that i have learnt about narsassium (sorry for bad spelling) that i realise this is who she is. She didnt give a crap about me and wasnt afraid to show it. Things got worse as i got older but these are things i will not speak about at the moment

 

[ghostspace]

My father raised me- he was 50 years old when I was born. He was stuck in his old ways and just finished his third marriage with my mother... he let me do whatever I want. Which was cool at the time. But in the end I don't think it helped me. We didn't say much to each other really. "Just what do you want for dinner." I honestly can't remember him ever asking how was your day or anything like that. Not once in all those years.

he never grounded me- I got Fs growing up but never punished. I was never forced to do homework. He couldn't help me with it even if I needed it.

He was a nice guy- not a good father. My 3 half brothers I heard don't even talk to him/invited him to the weddings.

We are good now. I understand nowBut understanding now doesn't change the past. He chose to have a kid. Take responsibility. Help that kid. Talk to him- teach him things- get involved with his life.
It's hard not to put all the blame on him.

I know I should have probably spoken up as a kid- but how the hell was I supposed to know... we fought all the time... it sucks. I wish he talked to me about college. Not once. And guess what- ended up dropping out. I turned out fine career wise for my age. But just something has always felt missing..

don't get me wrong- it could be worse. No parents. No one to take care of me... But problems are different for every individual and if you compare with others you can always say "it could be worse" - while that may be true, the problems are effecting YOU and you're your first priority. And some people are not mentally capable of brushing off problems as well as others. I used to think I was invincible- I realized these days that I was wrong. It all hit me like a train.

I see now that I'm more fucked up than I thought. I never thought I would be on some suicide forum. But here I am. It's all fucking crazy.

i realize I'm probably on a tangent- but this is nice. It feels like I'm talking to someone who cares. I have friends... but I know if I talk to them about any of this I'll get "I'm sorry man".
I tried talking to a coworker about it. All I got from him was "it's all in your head"/"I just hear excuses"

edit: (tangent) I don't wanna put my faults on my father or anyone... My mistakes are my mistakes- I regret them all. I just wish everyone knew I was sorry and I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I turned into someone else at some point. It's like I'm two different people.

edit 2: or maybe that's my excuse for just being a shitty person- I honestly don't know anymore man. This is all crazy.

Your feelings are totally valid. There's emotional neglect as there is physical neglect and it has a severe impact on a child. My dad ignored me for weeks, I could do whatever I wanted and he wouldn't care at all. That's not good parenting and it made me wonder what it would take to make him care. Or if I was even worthy of it.

I can really relate to this and can assure you that you're not a shitty person. It's kind of a shock when you become an adult and realize your childhood was lacking things you desperately needed.

(My opinion, don't come for me) I think this might be controversial, but with my dad, I think, it IS his fault. He neglected and hurt me when my brain was still developing, when I was a child and needed consistency, love, and support. What you do now is your responsibility, but it wasn't your fault that you weren't cared for properly, or the direct effects of that.

I care. For real, I do.

 

[TheLastSacrifice]

Your feelings are totally valid. There's emotional neglect as there is physical neglect and it has a severe impact on a child. My dad ignored me for weeks, I could do whatever I wanted and he wouldn't care at all. That's not good parenting and it made me wonder what it would take to make him care. Or if I was even worthy of it.

I can really relate to this and can assure you that you're not a shitty person. It's kind of a shock when you become an adult and realize your childhood was lacking things you desperately needed.

(My opinion, don't come for me) I think this might be controversial, but with my dad, I think, it IS his fault. He neglected and hurt me when my brain was still developing, when I was a child and needed consistency, love, and support. What you do now is your responsibility, but it wasn't your fault that you weren't cared for properly, or the direct effects of that.

I care. For real, I do.

My dad was neither on mean person nor abusive. my mother died of cancer when I was 12 and my dad just let me run around and do whatever the hell I wanted he didn't teach me anything about money he didn't teach me anything about life or how to be a man honestly I resent him worse than a man who would put his hands on me and beat the s*** out of me I don't know which one is worse honestly forgive my lack of grammar and sentence structure I'm sorry guys but I don't have time for it I'm on text-to-speech

 

[TheEndof]

My dad abandoned me. My mom emotionally abandoned me when I was very young. Eventually "returned" but was emotionally abusive and overall just a narcissist.

 

[terry_a_davis]

My mother was great, still is. my father, not so much. he was very controlling to us all and unfaithful to my mum many times. he beat my brother when he was very young and i suspect this is part of the reason why my older brother is now schizophrenic and has tourettes. some of my earliest memories are of my brother screaming when he was being beaten. i'm not sure why he didn't beat me. he drank and smoked a lot and died from cancer when i was quite young. my mother blossomed once he died, his death was her escape.

 

[russian_roulette]

My dad is pedophile and very manipulative. My mother doesn't care and also depends on him. But they actually appear to be "nice" to other people too, so everyone thinks we are a great family.

 

[jr93jr]

My dad abandoned me when I was too young to really remember him. I feel like it stunted me emotionally. I reached out a few years back but he wouldn't admit that he abandoned me. No answer he gives can fix what already happened. He did a horrible thing and I'll never be okay from it.

 

[keiichidono]

My dad used to whip me whenever he got mad then he got bored and made me whip myself then he got bored and made me choose the belt I'd whip myself with and told me to whip harder and stop crying. My crime was usually playing with toy cars or crying because he was screaming at my mom all night which made it hard to sleep. Thanks dad, I hope you get whipped to death one day.

My mom used to talk to me about my feelings on things like the screaming or the beatings but she would make me feel guilty and focused the conversation on herself and how I was inconveniencing her or how her childhood was harder than mine. Thanks mom, I hope you end up alone like you wanted.