Help Backslides are a given, but how do you handle that?

[derpyderpins]

Not a theory post, I'm genuinely asking.

It's all so cyclical for me. I'm riding high and doing well and everyone's okay with me and I'm able to do my work and still have some energy left over, then I'm completely burned out and dragging along, behind on everything and working slowly on the stuff I am doing.

"You need a break. You need to rest and recharge." There is no rest, though. The world won't stop and wait for you. The gears will keep spinning with or without you if you try to catch your breath.

So I'm trying to double my efforts and catch up and tough it out and it's just not enough. It never is. Now I spiral until I get so lost I have to burn it down and start over.

How do you survive bad periods?

 

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Usually, people's posts here are relating to problems that are mostly internal. They could be caused by external factors of course, but they still need to look inward for answers.

Your post here, though, has a vibe of being almost entirely external(?)

You mention being "completely burned out" so the first thing I'd look at is... What factors are contributing to the burnout? Whatever those factors are, break them down in detail and then identify which ones you can stop doing, cut out, cancel, etc. You are a member on a suicide forum which implies this is very high stakes. So, unless something is vital to your existence or your very way of life, it (theoretically) can be cut out.

It might not be so easy to "just cut out" some of these factors. It may require sacrifices. It may require challenging conversations with loved ones or being vulnerable to supervisors at work, for instance, but in the longer term could be beneficial.

An alternative to cutting them out would be looking for ways to improve or make them less-stressful. For instance, there is cleaning around the house or cutting the lawn. These are small things but still take time and energy. What about a cleaning service or lawn care service instead? That takes money, so is there anything that could be sacrificed to redirect money towards those services? Little things like that which could possibly have big impact.

Sometimes, it's not necessarily what's happening that is affecting your mental state, but it could also be what's not happening. So, looking at whether anything is missing from your life that might be influencing this. Or maybe there is relationship strain somewhere, whether with a partner or a best friend or a coworker or a supervisor. Unresolved conflict of some sort.

Now, if the cause-and-effect is reversed here, then the answers would be very different. Even if the above-mentioned options improve the situation, you'd still need to look mostly inward for answers.

"You need a break. You need to rest and recharge."

How very easy it is to tell someone that they need a break, that they need to rest and recharge.

But actually, that is exactly the vibe I'm getting here, as in it sounds like that's exactly what you need. I know... easy to say, not so easy to do... which, I suppose, is kind of what I was getting at in trying to cut out as many expendable factors as possible... The thought being that, in doing so, you may be able to find more opportunities to get that precious rest-and-recharge time.

 

[derpyderpins]

Usually, people's posts here are relating to problems that are mostly internal. They could be caused by external factors of course, but they still need to look inward for answers.

Your post here, though, has a vibe of being almost entirely external(?)

You mention being "completely burned out" so the first thing I'd look at is... What factors are contributing to the burnout? Whatever those factors are, break them down in detail and then identify which ones you can stop doing, cut out, cancel, etc. You are a member on a suicide forum which implies this is very high stakes. So, unless something is vital to your existence or your very way of life, it (theoretically) can be cut out.

It might not be so easy to "just cut out" some of these factors. It may require sacrifices. It may require challenging conversations with loved ones or being vulnerable to supervisors at work, for instance, but in the longer term could be beneficial.

An alternative to cutting them out would be looking for ways to improve or make them less-stressful. For instance, there is cleaning around the house or cutting the lawn. These are small things but still take time and energy. What about a cleaning service or lawn care service instead? That takes money, so is there anything that could be sacrificed to redirect money towards those services? Little things like that which could possibly have big impact.

Sometimes, it's not necessarily what's happening that is affecting your mental state, but it could also be what's not happening. So, looking at whether anything is missing from your life that might be influencing this. Or maybe there is relationship strain somewhere, whether with a partner or a best friend or a coworker or a supervisor. Unresolved conflict of some sort.

Now, if the cause-and-effect is reversed here, then the answers would be very different. Even if the above-mentioned options improve the situation, you'd still need to look mostly inward for answers.


How very easy it is to tell someone that they need a break, that they need to rest and recharge.

But actually, that is exactly the vibe I'm getting here, as in it sounds like that's exactly what you need. I know... easy to say, not so easy to do... which, I suppose, is kind of what I was getting at in trying to cut out as many expendable factors as possible... The thought being that, in doing so, you may be able to find more opportunities to get that precious rest-and-recharge time.

Well, it's tough to distinguish internal/external when the external problem is a standard full-time job.

It's just work. Nothing at home is stressing me out. I love helping around the house for my wife to have a good home, I never get tired of that.

It's hard to identify what it is at work other than the fact that it's constant. I come in, I do great work on cases/assignments, people are happy with me, but then it seems like about 8-10 months into any of these firm jobs I just completely run out of motivation. I can't focus on things, so I get behind, so I stress about being behind, so I can't focus, etc. In the past, I've just stuck it out as long as I can then jumped ship, but I don't want to do that. I don't want to leave as my production is dwindling.

Spoiler: wrote more than I wanted to

I hit my full-year bonus target in 8 months. Clearly I am capable of doing the work from a skill prospective, but leading into my wedding last month and since then I'm slowing back down. I might not even get my monthly bonus for September, which is gross considering I charge almost double what other young associates do, so I only have to bill about half the hours that they do. So I'm not billing many hours, but then I just got told I billed way too many hours on one assignment. That's like the one thing this past week I've been able to focus on and bust my ass, but I went down a big rabit hole over one detail and got fixated on figuring something out that probably just should have been ignored.

I'm really only good at the creation aspect: coming up with a theory and making the argument. If it's the typical: repetitive, simple, monotonous - I suck.

I finally have an appointment with someone who can diagnose if I have autism. Either way I can stop thinking about that once I have an answer.

I don't think there's anything unresolved less what I don't have time for. I'd love to work more on my music and youtube vids but there seems to be no time for it.

Maybe I haven't gotten to talk about the dark stuff enough because my shrink cancelled my last appointment, so it's been like 2 months since I've had therapy. idk if it even helps though. Maybe I've adjusted to the pills and they don't have enough effect to patch me up anymore.

Maybe it's a blessing that I'm going to have to rest this weekend. I'm getting lasik. Wasn't going to talk about that until it's done but I'm hoping that can help with my brain fog/headaches because my vision sucks even with glasses thanks to my astigmatism.

Thank you for responding. I appreciate it.

 

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...then it seems like about 8-10 months into any of these firm jobs I just completely run out of motivation. I can't focus on things, so I get behind, so I stress about being behind, so I can't focus, etc.

This does make it sound more like something internal being the trigger.

Though you did mention meeting a 12-month bonus in only eight months, so I wouldn't quite rule out a factor of working so hard as to be unsustainable.

But multiple firm jobs... the same timeline... So, wonder what's happening at that 8-to-10-month mark, assuming it's not burning out purely through the work itself. Could it be something along the lines of not feeling challenged enough? It gets stale after a time? Wanting more responsibility? Not necessarily wanting "more work" but just more responsibility or something that feels more important? Or could it be something relating to the work environment or the dynamic with coworkers that starts weighing on you at a certain point? Could it be the profession itself -- maybe the trigger is one that's common for this line of work? Or maybe you're just wired in such a way to prefer going from one job to the next to the next, which is not an uncommon thing (only loosely using the term "prefer" here as this is clearly causing distress).

Just throwing out thoughts or possibilities. The standout aspect to me here is that if the 8-to-10-month mark is a clear pattern, that's probably an important consideration as far as figuring out what's happening here.

Thank you for responding. I appreciate it.

I'm all-in with you, my friend!

 

[whywere]

For me through the decades, like most things, I change up different modes and means in working with my emotions and mental health when I get in a real downer mood.

I do not drink alcohol; I do not smoke anything, and I have never tried street drugs. The street drug aspect is because back in the 1970's, I had a very good friend who used LSD all the time and seeing what it did to him scared the hell out of me and I said never ever from then on.

For me, I will take like a afternoon off in which ever city I am in, I travel for work, and site see, or just take a relaxing walk and see the sites.

I also am a motor mouth, so I always can strike up a conversation with a local as I walk and get a flavor for that city.

I also, at home have a huge light bar, that I keep by my workstation, I work from home, and that really helps in the winter months.

I always try and keep in my mind the fact that we as a species are all the same and I so enjoy helping others out and that is a go to for me, as bringing a smile on someone's face is pure heaven to me.

Lots of hugs and kind thoughts to everyone here, we are family.

Walter