It makes me sad that you thought you would get hate here for not following through with CTB. I can promise you that that will absolutely NEVER happen here. Taking your own life is its own special kind of hard, and it's soooo common to not be able to when push comes to shove. It does not make you ANY less of a person, or weak, or a failure by not jumping. Survival instinct is there, and it's one of the hardest things to get over. Suicide isn't something to take lightly, and if you're going to do it, you want to make sure you're 110% ready, with no hesitation or regrets.
The fact that you didn't do it shows that it simply wasn't your time. And that's okay. Give yourself some grace and be kind to yourself. CTB isn't a race, and there are always other opportunities if you decide to attempt again.
Thank you for being brave and coming back to us. I'm glad you're here, and I'm proud of you for coming forward when you assumed the worst. We're a family here. No hate, only love and support.
Welcome back.