nihilism44
trying my best
- May 2, 2021
- 79
I haven't posted here in a while.. I've been trying everything I can to make myself want to live, especially for my partner and my dad. I genuinely think it would ruin both of their lives if I ctb. I started taking new medication. I tried to start dieting and exercising. I was thriving at work for a few months. I always find myself back to the same place. Drinking alcohol/eating excessively and laying in bed all day, calling out of work, I stop cleaning my apartment, I stop showering, and I obsessively lurk this website daydreaming about ctb. I stop talking to everyone that I don't live with. I stop enjoying everything. I feel like such a burden. The worst part is when I get like this is I can barely even take care of my dog properly and he suffers for it, I can only find the motivation to take him for a walk once a day, if that. He pisses on the floor and my partner cleans up the mess half the time because I don't get up from my bed. I'm absolutely disgusting. I can't live like this and I can't make other people's lives difficult and confusing anymore. I don't know what else to do.