Venting Avoiding people or talking, being afraid of people

[Szarur-abi]

For a long time i was trying my best avoid talking to people or avoid in general in workplaces or schools ive been in.

Like after lectures end to avoid walking/meeting/talking with anyone i would close myself in bathroom and wait for like 15 minutes when everyone goes their way so there is no risk on bumping into someone... And avoid smalltalk or talking about future and shit like this ,_, Alternatively i would just speed from lecture room just to be ahead of everyone and be first on tram stop and then pretend i dont see anyone put headphones and zone out in my world.

Im now in work and im thinking how to not bump into coworkers after shift ends, i just want to be alone on my way home tbh and im usually awkard in social situations unless im in good mood or st.

Sometimes im quite talkative tho, especially with people i like but most of times my head is empty and i dont know what i should say in casual conversations and do smalltalk... Like i could talk about traffic engineering, social engineering, politics, philosophy, games, movies or most things but i absolutely suck and hate smalltalk and thats what i try to avoid by avoiding people cause most people prefer smalltalk, gossiping and other things that i dislike ,_,

Im not coherent, i dont even know what i try to communicate... ,_,

The thing is i was bullied for 10 years straight and from it im afraid of most people even random people on streets hate me or laughts at me in their heads, yesterday i was returning in bus and there was on back the group of loud teenagers and for entire road my heart was pumping fast and i was feeling sick and was sure that they were laughing at me or actively mocks me in their talks... When i think of it i know its absurd but my body and my mind thought otherwise, even when i pass people on the streets im sometimes afraid of them... What is funny im tall men so i shouldnt be afraid i guess, but i have experienced enough bullying and violence to know that this isnt true? Iiiii dont know really...

i would like to close myself in my room and quit job and idk rot in bed, but probably my parents would kick my ass for it

 

[Overwhelmed52]

For a long time i was trying my best avoid talking to people or avoid in general in workplaces or schools ive been in.

Like after lectures end to avoid walking/meeting/talking with anyone i would close myself in bathroom and wait for like 15 minutes when everyone goes their way so there is no risk on bumping into someone... And avoid smalltalk or talking about future and shit like this ,_, Alternatively i would just speed from lecture room just to be ahead of everyone and be first on tram stop and then pretend i dont see anyone put headphones and zone out in my world.

Im now in work and im thinking how to not bump into coworkers after shift ends, i just want to be alone on my way home tbh and im usually awkard in social situations unless im in good mood or st.

Sometimes im quite talkative tho, especially with people i like but most of times my head is empty and i dont know what i should say in casual conversations and do smalltalk... Like i could talk about traffic engineering, social engineering, politics, philosophy, games, movies or most things but i absolutely suck and hate smalltalk and thats what i try to avoid by avoiding people cause most people prefer smalltalk, gossiping and other things that i dislike ,_,

Im not coherent, i dont even know what i try to communicate... ,_,

The thing is i was bullied for 10 years straight and from it im afraid of most people even random people on streets hate me or laughts at me in their heads, yesterday i was returning in bus and there was on back the group of loud teenagers and for entire road my heart was pumping fast and i was feeling sick and was sure that they were laughing at me or actively mocks me in their talks... When i think of it i know its absurd but my body and my mind thought otherwise, even when i pass people on the streets im sometimes afraid of them... What is funny im tall men so i shouldnt be afraid i guess, but i have experienced enough bullying and violence to know that this isnt true? Iiiii dont know really...

i would like to close myself in my room and quit job and idk rot in bed, but probably my parents would kick my ass for it

I have similar issues. I definitely avoid talking to people because I'm worried about being judged, what if they wonder why I'm talking to them, do they think I'm strange, etc. I was bullied at home by my mother growing up, and I think that definitely contributes to my feelings. I've found, though, that a lot of people have been offended when I didn't say hello or make small talk (I thought I was doing a favor by leaving them alone), so I should make myself do it. I'm older and have already isolated myself, but you're still young and can make connections.

 

[alltoomuch2]

For a long time i was trying my best avoid talking to people or avoid in general in workplaces or schools ive been in.

Like after lectures end to avoid walking/meeting/talking with anyone i would close myself in bathroom and wait for like 15 minutes when everyone goes their way so there is no risk on bumping into someone... And avoid smalltalk or talking about future and shit like this ,_, Alternatively i would just speed from lecture room just to be ahead of everyone and be first on tram stop and then pretend i dont see anyone put headphones and zone out in my world.

Im now in work and im thinking how to not bump into coworkers after shift ends, i just want to be alone on my way home tbh and im usually awkard in social situations unless im in good mood or st.

Sometimes im quite talkative tho, especially with people i like but most of times my head is empty and i dont know what i should say in casual conversations and do smalltalk... Like i could talk about traffic engineering, social engineering, politics, philosophy, games, movies or most things but i absolutely suck and hate smalltalk and thats what i try to avoid by avoiding people cause most people prefer smalltalk, gossiping and other things that i dislike ,_,

Im not coherent, i dont even know what i try to communicate... ,_,

The thing is i was bullied for 10 years straight and from it im afraid of most people even random people on streets hate me or laughts at me in their heads, yesterday i was returning in bus and there was on back the group of loud teenagers and for entire road my heart was pumping fast and i was feeling sick and was sure that they were laughing at me or actively mocks me in their talks... When i think of it i know its absurd but my body and my mind thought otherwise, even when i pass people on the streets im sometimes afraid of them... What is funny im tall men so i shouldnt be afraid i guess, but i have experienced enough bullying and violence to know that this isnt true? Iiiii dont know really...

i would like to close myself in my room and quit job and idk rot in bed, but probably my parents would kick my ass for it

I'm similar. I use noise cancelling headphones where I may see people so they don't try to speak.

 

[yowai]

I've been struggling with same thing all my life, it's called avoidant personality disorder. Even the teenagers laughing in groups as I pass by make me self conscious sometimes lmao. But they're just silly teens that could be laughing about anything, once when I was riding my bike some boy screamed at me that his friend is looking for a girlfriend to embarrass him Try to talk as much as you can online it'll help a bit with overcoming anxiety, you can always delete your account later or something, that's what helped me. Also my partner changed my life when he started taking me out to spend time with his friends, I was home schooled before meeting him and it made me realize that even if people say some stupid shit and are awkward life goes on and their friends won't immediately turn on them haha. Most people are worried about themselves, they also worry what you would think of them and how they look. It's okay to be awkward and introverted, it can be even charming to someone else! As for the bullying you should try finding a therapist that will help you work through, so that those memories won't have to haunt you to this day or turn into something toxic

 

[daley]

When I was university ( a long time ago ) I would avoid seeing any of the professors, so
I wouldn't have to say hello. Also, like @Szarur-abi I hate small talk, and talking doesn't come
naturally to me at all. Over the years, I have matured, and although still quite anti-social, I can talk if needed.

To me, the single most important issue was that I could not make eye-contact. The way
that resolved for me, is that I went to a course at "The Landmark Forum". Actually, this
particular exercise was during their "advanced" course. They had all of the participants stand
up and look at each other in various configurations. In some configuration, a row of people
would stand up on stage, and look to the crowd. In other configurations, two rows of
people would face each other and look into each other eyes. Each time this was done for
several minutes about 5 minutes which is enough time for the awkwardness to subside
for most people. At the beginning some people were embarrassed or would laugh
nervously, but at the end you get used to it. So this is just a forum of "exposure
therapy" ( if that's the name of it) , for eye contact in personal communication
and to overcome stage fright.

After doing this exercise, making eye contact wasn't a problem for me, and although
I still had other issues, this really made social interaction possible, and
allowed me to improve other aspects.

I suppose beyond this exercise, I just employed the other tropes of
conversation - ask questions about the other person and just let them talk,
from time to time interject some personal experience related to the conversation, but mostly
I keep the discussion about the other person. I don't like to talk about myself anyway.
With these simple principles, I manage to get by.

 

[Redacted24]

Joining the chorus of posters that struggle with this - and with making small talk.
I can be eloquent on many topics and enjoy a good thoughtful discussion in a very small group. But I avoid parties and large groups assiduously.

I'll even wait at work until I'm pretty sure everyone's gone to avoid walking with them. I don't know what to say to them.

But when I must, I try to keep something easy in my head that might be able to lead to something more interesting.. like travel, or history, something funny I know...
It amazes me that some times I find something in common with them. Then I kind of feel connected, as a person.