Venting Autistic and rejected by fellow autistic

[Torturedsoul]

I've mainly just been lurking on this site but right now I don't know who or where to turn to. Not actively planning on ctb but I so wish I could just disappear from the face of this rotten earth and humanity.

So I was diagnosed with autism just last year. I am now on a short holiday in Berlin and was excited to have met a fellow autistic for the first time, in real life. This was really a chance encounter at the hostel. We had a good conversation and the revelation eventually came that we are both autistic, since we both observed certain oddities in each other.

This encounter honestly made me very happy and excited, like I've never been in a long while – even more so than the sightseeing. But, as with all things in life, happiness is ephemeral.

This morning, I noticed that my first IRL autistic friend I just made has blocked and unfriended me on FB.

I'm sitting here wondering what went wrong. There was no conflict throughout the few days that we got to know each other. In fact our conversations went so deeply about many things, and we share very similar life history. Was it something I said or did? Was it an inherent trait I cannot change, like my ethnicity or my refugee background?

I always thought autistic individuals are open minded and accepting. Maybe the whole world is just equally rotten. It's left me feeling so broken and I want to just cut short my trip and curl up in bed. Unfortunately it will cost more to go home now than if I stayed on. Suicide is never far from my mind, and has been for years.For me this is an eventuality rather than a possibility.

Oh and in case you're wondering, no I'm not "rich". I took this trip spontaneously and I spent most of my savings. Even here I'm living on a shoestring.

Today confirms that I simply don't belong here. That I'm just a fucking mistake. If I'm rejected by even "my own kind" then where do I belong...? Just end me...

 

[GoodPersonEffed]

People's actions are a reflection of them, not of you.

You didn't do anything, they did something that affected you and, unfortunately, you won't know why. You only knew this person a few days, there's no way of predicting their behaviors based on a few days. What they presented ended up not being an accurate predictor of their actions, and that happens a lot in knowing people only briefly.

I get that it hurts, I'm not negating that. I'm negating that you did something that motivated this person to block and unfriend you. It's their shit. Not yours. Their shit hurt you, you did not cause their shit and therefore hurt yourself.

 

[david1991]

Unfortunately social media brings out the worst in people i wouldnt bother with it

 

[Torturedsoul]

People's actions are a reflection of them, not of you.

You didn't do anything, they did something that affected you and, unfortunately, you won't know why. You only knew this person a few days, there's no way of predicting their behaviors based on a few days. What they presented ended up not being an accurate predictor of their actions, and that happens a lot in knowing people only briefly.

I get that it hurts, I'm not negating that. I'm negating that you did something that motivated this person to block and unfriend you. It's their shit. Not yours. Their shit hurt you, you did not cause their shit and therefore hurt yourself.

Well I'm 31 this year and I've gotten pretty immune to the "theatrics" of neurotypicals aka "normal people". Why it hurts so much this time is because he is the first autistic individual I met in real life in general and since getting diagnosed. And I was diagnosed late in life – just last year.

We really did have deep and meaningful conversations over the short few days. In a way it is also because autistic individuals tend to overshare, to the point of pouring out one's life story in one sitting – and I really don't mind listening to others and sharing mine. It is the quality and not the quantity, as some might say. And for me to have met a fellow autist in an unexpected, unassuming setting only adds to that.

I'm not sure if I've properly described the magnitude of it all. I hate myself so much... never thought I'd be posting on suicide forums again (though I visit this site practically daily).

Thanks for your response anyways. Wish you a great Sunday

 

[Deleted member 19654]

Just because you've been hurt by this one individual doesn't mean that the next person will be the same. There are a lot of people on this Earth and a lot of people who are also autistic and not everyone is the same. This is only the first person that you have met. Don't let this one experience deter you from trying again. Unfortunately rejection is just part of life. It happens to all of us and you gotta pick yourself up and try again. Also, you don't even know the reasons as to why they chose to cut you out of their life. It might not even have anything to do with you.

 

[StellaArtoix]

I've mainly just been lurking on this site but right now I don't know who or where to turn to. Not actively planning on ctb but I so wish I could just disappear from the face of this rotten earth and humanity.

So I was diagnosed with autism just last year. I am now on a short holiday in Berlin and was excited to have met a fellow autistic for the first time, in real life. This was really a chance encounter at the hostel. We had a good conversation and the revelation eventually came that we are both autistic, since we both observed certain oddities in each other.

This encounter honestly made me very happy and excited, like I've never been in a long while – even more so than the sightseeing. But, as with all things in life, happiness is ephemeral.

This morning, I noticed that my first IRL autistic friend I just made has blocked and unfriended me on FB.

I'm sitting here wondering what went wrong. There was no conflict throughout the few days that we got to know each other. In fact our conversations went so deeply about many things, and we share very similar life history. Was it something I said or did? Was it an inherent trait I cannot change, like my ethnicity or my refugee background?

I always thought autistic individuals are open minded and accepting. Maybe the whole world is just equally rotten. It's left me feeling so broken and I want to just cut short my trip and curl up in bed. Unfortunately it will cost more to go home now than if I stayed on. Suicide is never far from my mind, and has been for years.For me this is an eventuality rather than a possibility.

Oh and in case you're wondering, no I'm not "rich". I took this trip spontaneously and I spent most of my savings. Even here I'm living on a shoestring.

Today confirms that I simply don't belong here. That I'm just a fucking mistake. If I'm rejected by even "my own kind" then where do I belong...? Just end me...

Have you seen the thread '25th July' that was posted recently. You guys should talk as you could be a great support for eachother as the OP also shares he has Autism. Just a thought.

Have you seen the thread '25th July' that was posted recently. You guys should talk as you could be a great support for eachother as the OP also shares he has Autism. Just a thought.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers many yrs ago. Autism is something to be celebrated. We are unique, intelligent and gifted human beings. We see and experience things that many people not on the spectrum never get to experience. Individuality is great, that's what makes us who we are. I agree that it can be a real struggle at times and I believe the experience you had with the person that blocked you was that persons issue, not yours. Not everyone on the spectrum would react in that way. Hugs to you

 

[Simba]

I've mainly just been lurking on this site but right now I don't know who or where to turn to. Not actively planning on ctb but I so wish I could just disappear from the face of this rotten earth and humanity.

So I was diagnosed with autism just last year. I am now on a short holiday in Berlin and was excited to have met a fellow autistic for the first time, in real life. This was really a chance encounter at the hostel. We had a good conversation and the revelation eventually came that we are both autistic, since we both observed certain oddities in each other.

This encounter honestly made me very happy and excited, like I've never been in a long while – even more so than the sightseeing. But, as with all things in life, happiness is ephemeral.

This morning, I noticed that my first IRL autistic friend I just made has blocked and unfriended me on FB.

I'm sitting here wondering what went wrong. There was no conflict throughout the few days that we got to know each other. In fact our conversations went so deeply about many things, and we share very similar life history. Was it something I said or did? Was it an inherent trait I cannot change, like my ethnicity or my refugee background?

I always thought autistic individuals are open minded and accepting. Maybe the whole world is just equally rotten. It's left me feeling so broken and I want to just cut short my trip and curl up in bed. Unfortunately it will cost more to go home now than if I stayed on. Suicide is never far from my mind, and has been for years.For me this is an eventuality rather than a possibility.

Oh and in case you're wondering, no I'm not "rich". I took this trip spontaneously and I spent most of my savings. Even here I'm living on a shoestring.

Today confirms that I simply don't belong here. That I'm just a fucking mistake. If I'm rejected by even "my own kind" then where do I belong...? Just end me...

I'm sorry to hear what happened to you ,i can also relate. I was always in special ed my whole life and at 11-12 was diagnosed with autism. Being rejected by people you thought would actually understand you cause they have the same "difference's" or "disabilities" really sucks.. i can honestly say that i felt more discrimination in the autistic community than in neurotipycal one... That is rather unfortunate :(
I also tend to overshare ,it really depends on the mood. I was also diagnosed with Depression in 2015-16 and i had a class assistant that said to me "so this is what you chose ? To be sad ?" Like get real ,woman ! Anyways just wanted to let you know that i also understand as i also had people with autism try to idk ... "Boycott " me ? Or just block me and not talk to me all cause i made a stupid mistake :/ It went so bad to the point one of em wanted to go to the cops too :( so i sent pictures that weren't really pleasant ,big whoop :( i was called being manipulative and was also said on me that i tried to sexualy harass one of the members which never even happened and total bull :(
In the end some of em came around an let me back in to the Whatsapp group.. the ones that didn't come around still have me blocked and God knows what they're saying about me or maybe they're over it all who knows :/
I hope you're alright and not fall ill to Covid-19 :(

 

[Rook86]

I'm BPD, high probability is I'm aspergers as well, refugee and trans, life is nothing but hell for me

 

[Raminiki]

Fellow autistic here. I'm always up for a friendly chat if you want to share about how your quirks impact on your life. Please don't take one experience as all experiences. People ghost for many reasons or even lack thereof, and you have better things to think of than why. If they won't put the effort in with you, then you owe them nothing in grief.

I understand how difficult it is to find your people in a world with a majority of neurotypicals. I'm isolated from near everyone too, and it is hard. I have several autistic family members, have been informally adopted by another family with autistic members who are basically my best friends, my oldest online friend is autistic and has never given up on me, and I have an autistic partner. Don't give up hope. Your community is waiting for you to find it.

We have struggles to overcome, but our way of seeing the world differently is to be celebrated.

I hope you feel a little better knowing people here have your back. Suicide in autistic people is higher than in neurotypicals. We have to be here to support one another.

 

[Abgrundanziehung]

I'm sorry to hear that. I haven't been diagnosed yet, but I'm quite certain I'm autistic as well. The people who've had to live with me are quite certain too, lol. It's especially hard for people like us who are not always good at understanding both other people and how we come across to them. Then it feels totally catastrophic when they just don't want to be a part of our lives any more and we can't figure out why. There's quite a few of us on here to commiserate with each other at least

 

[Torturedsoul]

Hey everyone, I've read all your responses and will write back in due course. Trying to "think positive" (as cliched as it is) and enjoy this short vacay while it lasts. It's back to the daily grind next week when my classes resume.

 

[so tired or manic]

I've never been diagnosed autistic and don't exactly fit the traits, but with my brother was special needs and I grew up around a lot of autistic people. learned about the little quirks and what makes them tick differently and the best ways to react.

I had dated a guy who had textbook autistic traits, which I mentioned to him. he was nothing more than defensive. sometimes people don't want to be reminded and just want to live in a world that doesn't see them for their ailments. it's possible recognizing that he was autistic was all that was needed for him to not want to talk to you again.

 

[Torturedsoul]

Just because you've been hurt by this one individual doesn't mean that the next person will be the same. There are a lot of people on this Earth and a lot of people who are also autistic and not everyone is the same. This is only the first person that you have met. Don't let this one experience deter you from trying again. Unfortunately rejection is just part of life. It happens to all of us and you gotta pick yourself up and try again. Also, you don't even know the reasons as to why they chose to cut you out of their life. It might not even have anything to do with you.

Have you seen the thread '25th July' that was posted recently. You guys should talk as you could be a great support for eachother as the OP also shares he has Autism. Just a thought.

I was diagnosed with Aspergers many yrs ago. Autism is something to be celebrated. We are unique, intelligent and gifted human beings. We see and experience things that many people not on the spectrum never get to experience. Individuality is great, that's what makes us who we are. I agree that it can be a real struggle at times and I believe the experience you had with the person that blocked you was that persons issue, not yours. Not everyone on the spectrum would react in that way. Hugs to you

Thanks, I'll look up the '25th July thread'. I got back from the damned vacation on Saturday and am still recovering from what transpired. Objectively, not everything about the vacation was bad. Just my encounter with a fellow autistic (the very first one I met irl) tainted the entire trip.

I'm aware of our giftedness and intelligence but right now I just feel like a stupid loser. Nevertheless, I wish you well and you take care please.

Fellow autistic here. I'm always up for a friendly chat if you want to share about how your quirks impact on your life. Please don't take one experience as all experiences. People ghost for many reasons or even lack thereof, and you have better things to think of than why. If they won't put the effort in with you, then you owe them nothing in grief.

I understand how difficult it is to find your people in a world with a majority of neurotypicals. I'm isolated from near everyone too, and it is hard. I have several autistic family members, have been informally adopted by another family with autistic members who are basically my best friends, my oldest online friend is autistic and has never given up on me, and I have an autistic partner. Don't give up hope. Your community is waiting for you to find it.

We have struggles to overcome, but our way of seeing the world differently is to be celebrated.

I hope you feel a little better knowing people here have your back. Suicide in autistic people is higher than in neurotypicals. We have to be here to support one another.

Hey, thanks for your kind words. It's kinda weird that we are supporting each other on a suicide forum. At the time that happened (being blocked and unfriended by a fellow autistic), I really did want to disappear. Everything still feels like a daze, and I'm still trying to make sense of it all (don't know if I even should spend my time on that).

Well, I'm truly happy for you that your support circle consists of autistic people and that you've meet nice autistic people throughout your life.

Sure, I'm happy to connect with you and stay in touch. Just wanted to be sure that we aren't breaking the site rules by PMing each other?

 

[Raminiki]

'Sure, I'm happy to connect with you and stay in touch. Just wanted to be sure that we aren't breaking the site rules by PMing each other.'

As far as I know, it's fine as long as nobody solicits contact information and precautions to protect identity are taken. The irony of finding support on a suicide forum is notable, but I do find people here are very relatable and generally kind and respectful.