Autism

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

How many of you also have Autism/Aspergers Syndrome?

It is estimated that between 7 and 15% of psych hospitalizations in the UK are autistic people, the majority of these cases being suicide attempts. Autistic people are 28x more likely to attempt or carry out suicide.

It varies by country, but the unemployment rate for autistic people seems to hover anywhere from 20-60% with the consensus being most of us are unemployed.

That being said, does autism make you want to ctb? I know some people on this site loathe the use of the word normies, but it is the Neurotypical, normie world that erects the barriers that are keeping autistic people out.

Has the support you've gotten for autism ever helped you? There has never been any support available where I lived and I've spent several years now being sneered at by normies for having strange interests, having visible speech issues, and suffered from being underemployed in the past because I could not keep up the social rapport in the workplace, process information fast enough, or ace interviews. I also have sensory issues that make wearing tight, formal clothing am issue and I'm allergic to most makeup, so normies don't like that.

Now I am at uni again and it is pure hell for an autistic person. This world truly wasn't made for people like us. Other health problems are my main reason for ctb but being shunned by the NT world for having autism is another contender for one of the top spots on the laundry list of reasons.

 

[Wrennie]

I have autism too (stemming from untreated PANDAS in my youth) and it is literal Hell. I've always felt suicidal throughout my life, but my autism in and of itself wasn't enough to make me take action. It's only when my problems became physical that I reached the point of no return.
Though I do believe that just having autism on its own is a totally valid reason to CTB. Maybe if I were a normie that actually enjoyed interacting with others and partaking in this society then my physical problems wouldn't be as utterly incapacitating to me? Ultimately I'll never know.

 

[Deleted member 17949]

I was only recently told by a psychiatrist that I likely have ASD (within the last few months) and have only now started to consider how much of a role it has likely played in my mental health declining.

This is absolutely a normie society we live in; neurotypical behavior is ingrained deeply into so many simple things that when you are not neurotypical is can get real hard to navigate the world. My ASD would be considered quite mild. I do not suffer from severe sensory issues and am still okay when it comes to interacting with people (I can kinda hold a brief conversation and buy things at a shop), but I do suffer a lot from burnout and I become quite isolated due to problems socializing.

Overall I would say this has made life quite a bit harder even at this level. I have not really been offered any support now and it feels like I should have just dealt with it when I was little and it is too late to do anything now. I can't hold jobs due to how hard it is to fit into the social environment and focus on the tasks there. I find the same with education at the moment. It's hard to function and I am quickly drifting towards being a lonely NEET dude.

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I have autism too (stemming from untreated PANDAS in my youth) and it is literal Hell. I've always felt suicidal throughout my life, but my autism in and of itself wasn't enough to make me take action. It's only when my problems became physical that I reached the point of no return.
Though I do believe that just having autism on its own is a totally valid reason to CTB. Maybe if I were a normie that actually enjoyed interacting with others and partaking in this society then my physical problems wouldn't be as utterly incapacitating to me? Ultimately I'll never know.

PANDAS sounds like hell. To get sick as a young child and then have your neurology altered by the bacterial infection is just crushing. I hate that happened to you.

I feel the same way about my physical illnesses too! Before I got chronic pain I tried my best to cope with autism and being an outcast in society, to no avail. I endured being left out of everything, being taken advantage of by men who recognised I was vunerable, constantly being teased or mistreated by family, classmates, and coworkers, then I had to get sick on top of all of that??

Now I can barely cope, because I have no energy to mask or make myself more presentable to the Neurotypical audience. All my efforts go into simply trying to get up and do things while my body attacks me for it. When it rains, it pours.

 

[Wrennie]

PANDAS sounds like hell. To get sick as a young child and then have your neurology altered by the bacterial infection is just crushing. I hate that happened to you.

I feel the same way about my physical illnesses too! Before I got chronic pain I tried my best to cope with autism and being an outcast in society, to no avail. I endured being left out of everything, being taken advantage of by men who recognised I was vunerable, constantly being teased or mistreated by family, classmates, and coworkers, then I had to get sick on top of all of that??

Now I can barely cope, because I have no energy to mask or make myself more presentable to the Neurotypical audience. All my efforts go into simply trying to get up and do things while my body attacks me for it. When it rains, it pours.

I became afflicted with PANDAS at 18 months old, and it took until I was 17 years old to get a proper diagnosis. Back then nobody knew what on earth it was and the doctors just dismissed my behavior as being "attention seeking" and labeled me a problem child. I developed horrific OCD and a strange tic where I had to wave my arms around every few seconds as though I were an earthbound bird trying to take flight. Everyone concluded that I was mentally ill rather than entertaining the idea that I might have a disease with physical roots. That's when my parents started putting me on heavy-duty psychiatric drugs as a band-aid solution (which simply caused my health to deteriorate even further.)

I'm so sorry to hear of what happened to you. It truly breaks my heart that you are having to suffer physically in addition to mentally. There's just no end to the pain, is there? I wish we lived in a world that was more accepting of the neurodivergent but it seems more and more like our society acts solely to weed us out and drive us to our deaths. If that weren't awful enough, it mirrors that attitude in its treatment of people with physical disabilities as well. We humans like to believe we're above it all, but in the end the system we've created is just a glorified form of natural selection.

 

[262653]

Never have been diagnosed with autism or anything listed in psychiatry textbooks as a disease or a disorder, but I find it easier to relate with people diagnosed with autism/Aspergers. Social issues with most people. It feels like there is some non-cognitive way people make connections, evaluate and identify each other, and this way remains imperceptible to me, like a channel I'm not tuned in.

 

[greyhound]

I've never been formally diagnosed but fairly certain I have ASD/Aspergers. I've had sensory processing issues since I was a child. School, university and later work has basically been a complete grind to try to exist in a world built for neurotypical people.

I also have had Lyme since my teens so not sure exactly what is causing what. I had some symptoms of Autism pre Lyme when I was a young child. But my sensory issues got way worse upon contracting Lyme, and have gotten a lot better since treating it.

Since adulthood I've basically cycled through phases of working in high pressure jobs, and then burning out and taking a couple of years off. Again this has been compounded by illness but I think just trying to function in these hyper social/political corporate environments is a big part of the issue.

🔥 Autistic Burnout: The Cost of Masking and Passing

AM AR BS FA-AF HI MS FA PS SR SO SW TL TA UR  Ear readers, press play to listen to this page in the selected language. Autistic burnout is a state of physical and mental fatigue, heightened stress, and diminished capacity to manage life skills, sensory input, and/or social interactions, which...

boren.blog

 

[Ruinedlifex]

I am severely autistic and because of it, I have very few friends and alot of issues in relationships (including my own family). My brain just cannot relate to normal people. Whenever I'm around normal people, I'm either awkward as fuck or I inevitably end up offending them.

My autistism is probably a huge factor in why I want to CBT now that I think about it...

 

[reticen]

I can't say that autism makes me want to CTB. I am the autism and the autism is me. Being me makes for CTB.

 

[WatermelonMel]

How many of you also have Autism/Aspergers Syndrome?

It is estimated that between 7 and 15% of psych hospitalizations in the UK are autistic people, the majority of these cases being suicide attempts. Autistic people are 28x more likely to attempt or carry out suicide.

It varies by country, but the unemployment rate for autistic people seems to hover anywhere from 20-60% with the consensus being most of us are unemployed.

That being said, does autism make you want to ctb?

Yes it's the reason I plan to CTB, people outside the forum don't understand how hard it is to live with

 

[Yiyo123]

I have autism / Asperger Syndrome. I was diagnosed as a mature adult. It made my working experience a living hell. I was constanly bullied because of my behavior. I worked in the same company for more than 27 years. My major depression disorder, my high anxiety, pychosis and paranoia didn't help either. So I decided to resign for my health. My conditions are not better despite theraphy and medications. Is hard leaving like this. People don't take mental
illnesses seriously.

I simply gave up. I don't find any reason to live anymore. My wife is holding me back. I love her so much. But I feel so empty... no empathy, no emotions. It's like not habing a soul. So was the purpose of leaving a meaningless life. I can't CTB right now because I have to take care of some things first. Bit i think time will tell and someday in the near future i'll be ready and prepared to finally go. Thanks for reading!!!

 

[Deleted member 22624]

I seriously relate to everything except for the physical problems which were recent and intermittent. Autism is at the root of most of my problems, and it's too late to fix everything. I was only diagnosed recently at 40, social and communication problems stopped me fitting in much, and now I'm getting bad sensory problems that I can barely handle by themselves. Too much to fix, too much that can't be fixed. Add that to the rest of life and I'm absolutely out if here

 

[KuriGohan&Kamehameha]

I seriously relate to everything except for the physical problems which were recent and intermittent. Autism is at the root of most of my problems, and it's too late to fix everything. I was only diagnosed recently at 40, social and communication problems stopped me fitting in much, and now I'm getting bad sensory problems that I can barely handle by themselves. Too much to fix, too much that can't be fixed. Add that to the rest of life and I'm absolutely out if here

You and a lot of others have mentioned how much worse it is receiving the diagnosis as an adult, and I completely agree. I was not diagnosed with autism until I was in my late teens, slipping through the cracks because of fallicious beliefs in the medical system about girls not having autism.

I can't help but feel envious of some others I know who were diagnosed at an early age, received interventions, and now lead functional, unscathed lives. One individual in particular that I know went through intense speech therapy and such as a child and turned out pretty much normal in the end.

When we aren't given the proper resources to aid in developing social skills, it seems many of us fall flat and struggle immensely. Of course, there are essentially 0 resources for autistic adults to get help. Zilch. Nada. You're expected to trudge on functioning in society even if your parents, teachers and peers completely neglected you and left you with selective mutism and stints of solely nonverbal communication up till the bitter end of your adolescence.

One thing I did attend in my home country was a center for disabled adults to assist them in getting jobs, and it was completely useless. They just smiled and giggled when I didn't make eye contact with them or fidgeted. Told me to come back when I had a degree, then gave me no social or monetary assistance in obtaining said degree.

 

[NodusTollens]

I don't have a formal diagnosis, but over the last two years, I can't shake the fact that it just fits. Explains a lot in my childhood & the issues I have with socializing.

 

[Deleted member 25508]

i am probably autistic. i "stimmed" when i was a kid, and i had special interests. i was very reserved and couldn't connect with anyone. very rigid, proper vocabulary that was unusual for my age—typical aspie behavior. i actually tried getting a diagnosis as an adult multiple times, but they usually say something along the lines of "you're too old to get diagnosed with it," which doesn't make any sense. i guess they assume that i had good parents who would've taken responsibility for something like that when i was younger, but when i try to explain that not everybody has good parents, i just get a blank stare in return.

 

[elfgyoza]

I was diagnosed a while after my first attempt. I think burnout was a big factor in the build up of my depression, I'm not at all surprised to hear the suicide and hospitalisation rate is so high. It's so isolating to grow up so different to your peers, worse if you don't even know why. Even with support it's still a difficult life when everything is overwhelming and it's harder to communicate with others. The diagnosis helps people understand why I'm different, they're more patient and willing to make accommodations, but it only helps you cope, the issues will never go away

 

[Gnip]

Yes, something I obtained a formal diagnosis of upon my own initiative. Asperger's is rightly deemed as grounds for psychiatrist administered euthanasia in the nations where psychiatrist administered euthanasia is legal and practiced. I expect the United States to also implement it for Asperger's sometime within the next four years.

We live in a world where "suspicious behavior" is criminalized, outlawed and prosecuted, where one is held responsible for the subjective "uncomfortable feelings" of others.

On a couple of occasions in my life, I have experienced spontaneous rapport so vivid it has lingered in my recall ever since. Neuro-Linguistic Programming purports to teach it, but neither Tony Robbins or Richard Bandler were able to achieve rapport with me. (Neither was Marshall Duke, the co author of "Helping the Child who Doesn't Fit In," and "Will I Ever Fit In?" and along with Stephen Nowicki, Duke coined the term "dyssemia" for the social aspect of nonverbal learning disorder.)

 

[Acopia]

Aspie here.. yep, I don't process the world the way I'm "supposed to", the way other people do. I have to really make a conscious effort to process the world around me the way I should, and it's exhausting, and it burns me out. Sometimes I love my brain, I can see things that other people can't (like patterns or solutions to problems, not dead people) but equally I hate that I have to work so much harder to function in society and I miss social cues, or my behaviour is not in keeping with the regular folk. MH services do not want to know, I am bounced from MH service to Autism service a lot, both claiming that it's within the other's remit to treat me. As a result, I get no help for SH & suicidal impulses, when all I want is the help to make everything okay. Having ASD is a lonely existence, I don't have a huge social circle (nor am I inclined to build one). I find it much easier to comfort people and build relationships online, and contrary to popular belief I care deeply for other people and I feel a lot of empathy towards others. I do wish I were able to cope better with life, but that's just not the way I was made.
Maybe when I die, they'll list my cause of death as: suicide, secondary to ASD. That'd be accurate.
Nice to know I'm not alone though.
-Acopia

 

[NodusTollens]

I have to really make a conscious effort to process the world around me the way I should, and it's exhausting, and it burns me out.

Omg, this! This is so true, the amount of times I've gotten into situations just because I was unaware of what was going on, until it was too late.

I find it much easier to comfort people and build relationships online, and contrary to popular belief I care deeply for other people and I feel a lot of empathy towards others.

Yes! It's FAR less stressful to support people online than in person. I feel like I'm put on the spot, struggling to keep my emotions in check while I panic internally.

 

[lugerepair]

I'm autistic but it is not the primary cause of my suicidal thoughts. The primary cause is PMDD, which is a mood disorder. Actually, being autistic is pretty bearable as long as I'm able to spend plenty of time on my own, I'm not forced to interact with people too often, I'm not forced to be in environments that are not adapted to my sensory needs, etc. If tomorrow I was forced to take a job that required social interaction and going outside, all of this would probably change. I would probably start feeling a lot worse. But right now? Well, right now I've somehow lucked into a situation where I'm unemployed and I still have food and shelter and can live on my own. Probably not viable for that much longer but who knows. But bottom line is, autistics would have much better lives if society provided all of us with the means to live the way I currently live, which is to say, without being forced into situations that are harmful to us.