C
chronicallybroken
Student
- Jul 16, 2022
- 161
hi al
I've been attempting partial this week but cannot overcome SI. In my desperation post-attempt I told people close to me, believing I would never CTB, I guess I thought "well I obviously can't succeed at this so I'll have to live and suffer". Unfortunately I told a lot of people, had the crisis team called on me (they never contacted me though…) and I fear I've taken away my option of ever being left alone to try again. As well as other implications for any future I may have - this doesn't look good for the career I am training for.
The reason I've been trying again (tried a few times in the past few years) is a relationship breakdown, so I'm in mountains of emotional pain that nobody can do anything about.
I guess I'm just venting. Constantly lurking through this website has been almost soothing for me making me think there's hope I can CTB someday. But really I want it to be asap. I am in the uk so unlikely to be able to get SN or N unfortunately. I always thought when the time came I could CTB with partial, I have got to the point where I start to feel like I'm going and I can see how it works! But SI has always got the better of me
I've been attempting partial this week but cannot overcome SI. In my desperation post-attempt I told people close to me, believing I would never CTB, I guess I thought "well I obviously can't succeed at this so I'll have to live and suffer". Unfortunately I told a lot of people, had the crisis team called on me (they never contacted me though…) and I fear I've taken away my option of ever being left alone to try again. As well as other implications for any future I may have - this doesn't look good for the career I am training for.
The reason I've been trying again (tried a few times in the past few years) is a relationship breakdown, so I'm in mountains of emotional pain that nobody can do anything about.
I guess I'm just venting. Constantly lurking through this website has been almost soothing for me making me think there's hope I can CTB someday. But really I want it to be asap. I am in the uk so unlikely to be able to get SN or N unfortunately. I always thought when the time came I could CTB with partial, I have got to the point where I start to feel like I'm going and I can see how it works! But SI has always got the better of me