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suicidesheep31

suicidesheep31

Specialist
Jun 27, 2020
348
I feel more than alone now.
Last Thursday, I started to drink because I had difficulties to deal with something.
I did hurt myself unvoluntary by opening beers.
I went in a psychiatric building to pee. I am human lol. (some humor is never bad).
But, unfortunately, I spread blood in the toilet.
I said to someone that they need to clean it.
But they bring me to the ER just next to the building.
I was fixed 5-points there because I had a scarf attached to a tree next to the building and they did not trust me. I even peed on myself.
Anyway, they let me go even though I was saying I will restart.
Now, the big mistake comes.
I went to my work place. Drank and wrote in a chat if everybody would be ok if someone was killing oneself in the coffee room.
I went in my office in the mean time, Some colleagues came because there were worried.
They found me sleeping on my office desk with on my screen a chat open to ask help related to suicide.
The point is that today, I was asked to not come back anymore in my office and laboratory.
It is difficult for my colleagues to see me so I have to leave.
I feel bed to have hurt them.
That is it.
Nothing else to say. Except that I really not wish to hurt again people.
I was asked to work from home.
 
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PDAnnie2610

Waiting for my bus.
Oct 27, 2019
701
I hope you are ok. What's making you feel bad?
 
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suicidesheep31

suicidesheep31

Specialist
Jun 27, 2020
348
I am just a bad/toxic person.
People are happier without me and it is not from now.
My mother and brother were also feeling better when I was not around.
They were laughing together.
And never with me.
My mother did hurt me but never hurt him. Because she did not want to repeat the same scheme
I just wish deeply to get help to stop hurting people
I think that killing myself will make them feel bad
 
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PDAnnie2610

Waiting for my bus.
Oct 27, 2019
701
Why did you think you are a bad person? Did something happen to make you feel that way?
 
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suicidesheep31

suicidesheep31

Specialist
Jun 27, 2020
348
I can only talk with you guys because you are not afraid of these thougths.
Why did you think you are a bad person? Did something happen to make you feel that way?
My colleagues found me on my office desk barely responsive and they got scared. I know they are deeply hurt
 
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PDAnnie2610

Waiting for my bus.
Oct 27, 2019
701
Because we see similar scary thoughts in our hearts too. What thoughts did you have?
 
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suicidesheep31

suicidesheep31

Specialist
Jun 27, 2020
348
'just' commiting suicide as I explained before
 
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PDAnnie2610

Waiting for my bus.
Oct 27, 2019
701
I know that specific thought very well.
 
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FuneralCry

FuneralCry

Just wanting some peace
Sep 24, 2020
44,190
I'm sorry you are suffering. It sounds like you are going through a lot. I know that this life can be unbearable when you are in so much pain. I wish you the best in whatever happens.
 
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