Asperges and Depression

[DiiDii]

hey, new member here. Was just wondering if there's any fellow autists or aspies in the forums, and if you guys are willing to talk about your problems and how your autism may also affect it. Personally I think my depression and by extension suicidal tendencies are caused almost solely from my desire to be neurotypical. I hate being asperges and being unable to socially communicate with people. Women seem to like me a lot due to my sexually attractive appearance, but usually leave me within a month or so when they can't deal with me. Furthermore I find it hard to make friends and I usually push others away for little to no reason. Although all these things are not directly my fault it still doesn't change the fact that I hate myself and who I am. It's because of this hatred that I usually want to die a lot. I always feel lonely and don't connect with others including my own family. I've only ever managed to have one long term relationship in my life but this just lead to almost 3 years of extreme suicidal and depressive thoughts after the break up.
Sorry if my rant seems quite self-pitiful and pathetic, I know at the end of the day I chose to put myself through that even though I knew the relationship wouldn't last due to my inability to keep long term connections with people.
I'd like to hear about other peoples lives who experience Aspergers/autism or have had similar experiences such as relationship and friendship issues. Also neurotypicals (non-autistic people) are welcome to join in on the thread. If you also know any autistic people and have storiesi'd like to hear them.

TL;DR: got apserges can't keep friendships/relationships- want to talk to other autists or people with friendship/relationship issues

-DiiDii

 

[Squiddy]

I don't have Aspergers, but my very first therapist thought I did when I was 14 because I had a difficult time making friends

 

[DiiDii]

I don't have Aspergers, but my very first therapist thought I did when I was 14 because I had a difficult time making friends

That sucks man, do you still have problems making friends now? and before I got my asperges diagnosis, my camhs worker thought I had borderline personality disorder. The guy was creepy as hell though, had him changed after my third appointment

 

[Squiddy]

That sucks man, do you still have problems making friends now? and before I got my asperges diagnosis, my camhs worker thought I had borderline personality disorder. The guy was creepy as hell though, had him changed after my third appointment

Now, I can make friends pretty easily now that I'm out of that horrible middle school. My diagnosis is borderline personality disorder, bipolar and anxiety

 

[DiiDii]

Now, I can make friends pretty easily now that I'm out of that horrible middle school. My diagnosis is borderline personality disorder, bipolar and anxiety

That sucks man, I'm really happy to hear that you have friends now. Do you take medication for your bipolar?

 

[Squiddy]

That sucks man, I'm really happy to hear that you have friends now. Do you take medication for your bipolar?

Yeah I do. I'm currently on Invega Sustenna, Trileptal, Vistaril, Wellbutrin, Naltrexone and recently dropped Trazadone and added Lithium

 

[Jean4]

Yeah I do. I'm currently on Invega Sustenna, Trileptal, Vistaril, Wellbutrin, Naltrexone and recently dropped Trazadone and added Lithium

Keep up the bloodwork on the Lithium. I'm on Wellbutrin.

 

[Squiddy]

Keep up the bloodwork on the Lithium. I'm on Wellbutrin.

I haven't taken it yet and I'm gonna ask my doctor about that because he never ordered any bloodwork or anything

 

[Jean4]

I haven't taken it yet and I'm gonna ask my doctor about that because he never ordered any bloodwork or anything

You will need bloods. And I don't think you are borderline. ;)

 

[Squiddy]

You will need bloods. And I don't think you are borderline. ;)

Thanks, but I do fear abandonment and have some of the other symptoms :)

 

[Jean4]

Thanks, but I do fear abandonment and have some of the other symptoms :)

Yes I know. But that is also part of the BiPolar and Anxiety. Just my opinion. Once you start to feel more comfortable, you come out of your shell. Borderline's don't generally. It's too harsh of a diagnosis. People tend to over diagnose. Heck. I was over diagnosed as a kid. Now I know my diagnosis.

 

[Squiddy]

Yes I know. But that is also part of the BiPolar and Anxiety. Just my opinion. Once you start to feel more comfortable, you come out of your shell. Borderline's don't generally.

Oh

 

[Jean4]

Oh

No worries. Just remember. A diagnosis is just a word. You are you. Not a diagnosis, and I think you are great. How can you not be? You bring desert!

 

[Squiddy]

No worries. Just remember. A diagnosis is just a word. You are you. Not a diagnosis, and I think you are great. How can you not be? You bring desert!

Haha thanks

 

[Retard]

Hey there,
Sorry to hear you're in a bad place right now. You're absolutely right with regards to autism and depression being linked. From the statistics I've seen in the past, those with autism are 9x more likely to commit suicide than those without autism.
I was diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) a couple of years ago at age 23 (had suspected it from a young age but didn't pursue a formal diagnosis at the time as I was too worried about it ostracising me further), so I completely relate to the self-loathing and wanting to connect with people, but being unable to.
I read a number of body language & social interaction books and used to go to a lot of social events/clubs to try and make friends (even clubs for those with ASD) but it was just exhausting and never seemed to really work out or lead to anything outside of that environment, so eventually I just stopped going to them and have become much more reclusive over time. I was in a relationship with somebody I met through work for a couple of years, but after that ended my suicidal thoughts became a lot more intense as well, and suicide attempts became more frequent.
As you're fairly younger than me, I'd like to say it gets easier or better over the years, but I'm afraid that hasn't been my experience. I really hope things work out for you though - whatever that may look like for you; whether it's "getting past" the idea of wanting friends and becoming satisfied with your own company, or managing to finally connect with people. I've heard that psilocybin can help those with autism suffering from depression, however I'm anxious about trying it myself for fear of a 'bad trip', and it leading to making daily life more difficult.
Any questions you might have about scenarios, experiences, etc, I may have encountered that might be helpful for you, just let me know. Much love to you.

 

[KiraLittleOwl]

I definitely have:
Severe AHDH-PI
GAD
SAD
OCD
BPD traits
And something always was very wrong with my social abilities and making connections with other people.
I was diagnosed with SPD once, maybe that fits - idk, it has very vague diagnostic criteria.
I thought maybe it's Asperges but I don't have special interests and steeming.
It doesn't matter what I have because there's no treatment for such a fuck up like me.
I even can't take anything for ADHD because it worsening my anxiety
But all of this is not the reason I don't want to live

 

[mediocre]

I am an aspie with severe depression and my social skills are nonexistent. Was diagnosed at 12. I've struggled on since then living a miserable existence...

 

[DiiDii]

Hey there,
Sorry to hear you're in a bad place right now. You're absolutely right with regards to autism and depression being linked. From the statistics I've seen in the past, those with autism are 9x more likely to commit suicide than those without autism.
I was diagnosed with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) a couple of years ago at age 23 (had suspected it from a young age but didn't pursue a formal diagnosis at the time as I was too worried about it ostracising me further), so I completely relate to the self-loathing and wanting to connect with people, but being unable to.
I read a number of body language & social interaction books and used to go to a lot of social events/clubs to try and make friends (even clubs for those with ASD) but it was just exhausting and never seemed to really work out or lead to anything outside of that environment, so eventually I just stopped going to them and have become much more reclusive over time. I was in a relationship with somebody I met through work for a couple of years, but after that ended my suicidal thoughts became a lot more intense as well, and suicide attempts became more frequent.
As you're fairly younger than me, I'd like to say it gets easier or better over the years, but I'm afraid that hasn't been my experience. I really hope things work out for you though - whatever that may look like for you; whether it's "getting past" the idea of wanting friends and becoming satisfied with your own company, or managing to finally connect with people. I've heard that psilocybin can help those with autism suffering from depression, however I'm anxious about trying it myself for fear of a 'bad trip', and it leading to making daily life more difficult.
Any questions you might have about scenarios, experiences, etc, I may have encountered that might be helpful for you, just let me know. Much love to you.

I've been experimenting a lot with ket and mdma and have found them to help a lot however i'm really scared about getting adddicted or going down a dark path because of them. I've not heard of psilocybin before however i've concidered trying lsd and shrooms before so i'll try and get those specific shrooms if I can. Also thank you for your show of support and i'm glad to know i'm not the only one (although i'm still saddened that other people suffer like I do). I've tried going to autism clubs and the like before but generally found them to be a waste of my time. I usually spend most of my time playing video games as a form of escape but i'm starting to feel like they're not working anymore- probably due to my increasing depression. If I have any questions i'll be sure to ask :)

I definitely have:
Severe AHDH-PI
GAD
SAD
OCD
BPD traits
And something always was very wrong with my social abilities and making connections with other people.
I was diagnosed with SPD once, maybe that fits - idk, it has very vague diagnostic criteria.
I thought maybe it's Asperges but I don't have special interests and steeming.
It doesn't matter what I have because there's no treatment for such a fuck up like me.
I even can't take anything for ADHD because it worsening my anxiety
But all of this is not the reason I don't want to live

That really sucks. I hope you manage to find some support for your issues. I don't have special interests either tbf and i've always questioned if my asperges diagnosis is 100%. Although I do definitly think im some kind of autist. Also i'm sure theres ways for you to get better over time. I won't go into deep details as lets be honest we're all here to avoid hearing that sort of stuff.

I am an aspie with severe depression and my social skills are nonexistent. Was diagnosed at 12. I've struggled on since then living a miserable existence...

got mine at 13. I know the pain- honestly I wish you the best friend. Do you have anyone to talk to? if not maybe we could become friends?

 

[Squiddy]

I've been experimenting a lot with ket and mdma and have found them to help a lot however i'm really scared about getting adddicted or going down a dark path because of them. I've not heard of psilocybin before however i've concidered trying lsd and shrooms before so i'll try and get those specific shrooms if I can. Also thank you for your show of support and i'm glad to know i'm not the only one (although i'm still saddened that other people suffer like I do). I've tried going to autism clubs and the like before but generally found them to be a waste of my time. I usually spend most of my time playing video games as a form of escape but i'm starting to feel like they're not working anymore- probably due to my increasing depression. If I have any questions i'll be sure to ask :)


That really sucks. I hope you manage to find some support for your issues. I don't have special interests either tbf and i've always questioned if my asperges diagnosis is 100%. Although I do definitly think im some kind of autist. Also i'm sure theres ways for you to get better over time. I won't go into deep details as lets be honest we're all here to avoid hearing that sort of stuff.


got mine at 13. I know the pain- honestly I wish you the best friend. Do you have anyone to talk to? if not maybe we could become friends?

Psilocybin is what's in shrooms

 

[NoSuprises]

I've always struggled with 'fitting in' and making friends. My mind essentially goes blank in many social situations or I say something stupid and awkward. This has led me to become a semi shut-in and is the main cause of my depression. I'm really starting to wonder if there's a chance that I may be autistic, despite the fact I don't really identify with the other traits such as special interests or need for routines.

 

[Retard]

I've been experimenting a lot with ket and mdma and have found them to help a lot however i'm really scared about getting adddicted or going down a dark path because of them. I've not heard of psilocybin before however i've concidered trying lsd and shrooms before so i'll try and get those specific shrooms if I can. Also thank you for your show of support and i'm glad to know i'm not the only one (although i'm still saddened that other people suffer like I do). I've tried going to autism clubs and the like before but generally found them to be a waste of my time. I usually spend most of my time playing video games as a form of escape but i'm starting to feel like they're not working anymore- probably due to my increasing depression. If I have any questions i'll be sure to ask :)

I've never tried ketamine or MDMA but I'm really glad to hear you've found them helpful so far. The reason I haven't tried either of those is because they seem like short-term solutions which could lead to a downward spiral of addiction as you mentioned - but sometimes it's just about using what you can to get through the day. In contrast however, something like psilocybin (the psychoactive compound in magic mushrooms) would be a one-off use (or at least once every few months at most) as it apparently has much longer-term effectiveness. Regarding LSD, my understanding is that it's largely for hallucinogenic purposes as opposed to the more contemplative effects of magic mushrooms, but of course different people may have varying experiences with both of them.
Can totally relate to the escapism of video games. I was heavily addicted to one game (an MMORPG) for a number of years, which was kind of helpful as it provided an outlet and was actually a decent source of income, until that particular game was eventually shut down by the developers due to decreasing popularity over time. Haven't had the urge to play any games since then, which would have been around 2010 or so. Took up weightlifting instead at that point (gotta replace one addiction with another!) due to being sick of being scrawny from just using computers all the time and doing nothing else. If video games aren't doing it for you any longer, maybe something like that could be helpful? Combined with the right diet (which is obviously hard if, like me, you don't have much of an appetite), weightlifting offers tangible results in the form of strength/size increases that you can track over time which might appeal to your autistic side :) I don't enjoy it, and it can feel unbearable when you have had a bad sleep, but at least it provides a routine and some exercise.

 

[DiiDii]

I've always struggled with 'fitting in' and making friends. My mind essentially goes blank in many social situations or I say something stupid and awkward. This has led me to become a semi shut-in and is the main cause of my depression. I'm really starting to wonder if there's a chance that I may be autistic, despite the fact I don't really identify with the other traits such as special interests or need for routines.

I have neither special interests or the need for routines. A lot of people with Aspergers only have a few traits. I only know one other autistic person who likes routines (And I know about 5 or 6 from my old secondary school). So you could still have it or just have some kind of personality/anxiety disorder

I've never tried ketamine or MDMA but I'm really glad to hear you've found them helpful so far. The reason I haven't tried either of those is because they seem like short-term solutions which could lead to a downward spiral of addiction as you mentioned - but sometimes it's just about using what you can to get through the day. In contrast however, something like psilocybin (the psychoactive compound in magic mushrooms) would be a one-off use (or at least once every few months at most) as it apparently has much longer-term effectiveness. Regarding LSD, my understanding is that it's largely for hallucinogenic purposes as opposed to the more contemplative effects of magic mushrooms, but of course different people may have varying experiences with both of them.
Can totally relate to the escapism of video games. I was heavily addicted to one game (an MMORPG) for a number of years, which was kind of helpful as it provided an outlet and was actually a decent source of income, until that particular game was eventually shut down by the developers due to decreasing popularity over time. Haven't had the urge to play any games since then, which would have been around 2010 or so. Took up weightlifting instead at that point (gotta replace one addiction with another!) due to being sick of being scrawny from just using computers all the time and doing nothing else. If video games aren't doing it for you any longer, maybe something like that could be helpful? Combined with the right diet (which is obviously hard if, like me, you don't have much of an appetite), weightlifting offers tangible results in the form of strength/size increases that you can track over time which might appeal to your autistic side :) I don't enjoy it, and it can feel unbearable when you have had a bad sleep, but at least it provides a routine and some exercise.

weirdly enough i've gone through extremely similar experiences. The main games I used to play were the elder scrolls and fallout games, with me spending a majority of my life playing The Elder Scrolls Online. I never managed to make an income off it though, because I only really played it for fun and I dislike power levelling and min/maxing as I find it tedious and dull (which I think is quite funny given the fact that this is something that most Aspergers people would enjoy doing). Instead of weightlifting I go rock climbing a lot and despite still being quite scrawny, I do have abs and muscles on my arms + legs. Sadly im under police curfew at the moment so I can no longer go rock climbing as it starts at 7pm- 9pm which is outside my curfew. Also totally relate to the issues with appetite however, when I was much younger I used to over eat a lot but still stayed skinny due to my cursed metabolism. I get a lot of shit off people for saying that I hate my quick metabolism, with most people saying i'm gifted and blessed for it- but it really sucks when I just want to put on weight so I don't look like a stick. When I take my top off most people are taken back by my muscular body just because of how skinny I am especially when the muscle is hidden by clothing. I think that I might try and get into weightlifting though as it's something I could do at home that doesn't have to work around my curfew

 

[Retard]

I've always struggled with 'fitting in' and making friends. My mind essentially goes blank in many social situations or I say something stupid and awkward. This has led me to become a semi shut-in and is the main cause of my depression. I'm really starting to wonder if there's a chance that I may be autistic, despite the fact I don't really identify with the other traits such as special interests or need for routines.

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate experiences; I can totally relate to feeling foolish in social situations. I often practise or simulate conversations before going into them so that I have prepared comebacks/responses if needed. If things go badly I tend to dwell on it for a long time. There are situations that occurred well over a decade ago that I still haven't gotten over.
If you're genuinely curious about seeking a potential diagnosis, I'm unsure which country you're based in, however within the UK, if you visit your GP (General Practitioner, i.e. doctor) and mention the possibility of having autism, they will probably ask you to complete an AQ10 (Autism Quotient) assessment. If, based on the results of the assessment, you have enough traits that would likely "qualify" you as being autistic, they will refer you to a psychologist to begin the process of a formal diagnosis. The process can take quite a while though (around 2 years from initially being referred to being formally diagnosed in my case). I know you mentioned that you don't necessarily have special interests or a need for routines, but not all autistic people have these traits; hence it's often referred to as a 'spectrum' and so there are varying degrees of autism extremity.
All the best to you.

 

[DiiDii]

I've never tried ketamine or MDMA but I'm really glad to hear you've found them helpful so far. The reason I haven't tried either of those is because they seem like short-term solutions which could lead to a downward spiral of addiction as you mentioned - but sometimes it's just about using what you can to get through the day. In contrast however, something like psilocybin (the psychoactive compound in magic mushrooms) would be a one-off use (or at least once every few months at most) as it apparently has much longer-term effectiveness. Regarding LSD, my understanding is that it's largely for hallucinogenic purposes as opposed to the more contemplative effects of magic mushrooms, but of course different people may have varying experiences with both of them.
Can totally relate to the escapism of video games. I was heavily addicted to one game (an MMORPG) for a number of years, which was kind of helpful as it provided an outlet and was actually a decent source of income, until that particular game was eventually shut down by the developers due to decreasing popularity over time. Haven't had the urge to play any games since then, which would have been around 2010 or so. Took up weightlifting instead at that point (gotta replace one addiction with another!) due to being sick of being scrawny from just using computers all the time and doing nothing else. If video games aren't doing it for you any longer, maybe something like that could be helpful? Combined with the right diet (which is obviously hard if, like me, you don't have much of an appetite), weightlifting offers tangible results in the form of strength/size increases that you can track over time which might appeal to your autistic side :) I don't enjoy it, and it can feel unbearable when you have had a bad sleep, but at least it provides a routine and some exercise.

Also in regards to ket and MDMA. MDMA is extremely useful for using two - three times a year when spaced out correctly. It can help a lot with empathy and generally improving mood. The comedown on day 3 can be very depressing for some people although personally I don't get these feelings of depression from it and I find that using MD prevents me from feeling depressed for about 1-2 months. And ket is something I only use as a last resort as I dislike the way it feels. I only ever use it when im suicidal, and I do it instead of attempting to commit no longer breathing. I do this because I read online that ket prevents suicidal feelings and it does actually work to be fair. Although I really don't like the ket high so I only use it as a last resort to stop me killing myself

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate experiences; I can totally relate to feeling foolish in social situations. I often practise or simulate conversations before going into them so that I have prepared comebacks/responses if needed. If things go badly I tend to dwell on it for a long time. There are situations that occurred well over a decade ago that I still haven't gotten over.
If you're genuinely curious about seeking a potential diagnosis, I'm unsure which country you're based in, however within the UK, if you visit your GP (General Practitioner, i.e. doctor) and mention the possibility of having autism, they will probably ask you to complete an AQ10 (Autism Quotient) assessment. If, based on the results of the assessment, you have enough traits that would likely "qualify" you as being autistic, they will refer you to a psychologist to begin the process of a formal diagnosis. The process can take quite a while though (around 2 years from initially being referred to being formally diagnosed in my case). I know you mentioned that you don't necessarily have special interests or a need for routines, but not all autistic people have these traits; hence it's often referred to as a 'spectrum' and so there are varying degrees of autism extremity.
All the best to you.

really good advice here. Also i'd add that for me it took 6 months after camhs suggested the possibility of asperges for me to get a diagnosis, and it only took one session for me. I got the diagnosis in the mail about one month after this appointment, although I wouldn't get your hopes up as it usually takes more than 6 months to see the autism teams and they may do more than one session with you if your autism is less visible (ie: you don't pull strange faces when thinking and you can make eye contact etc.)

 

[Retard]

weirdly enough i've gone through extremely similar experiences. The main games I used to play were the elder scrolls and fallout games, with me spending a majority of my life playing The Elder Scrolls Online. I never managed to make an income off it though, because I only really played it for fun and I dislike power levelling and min/maxing as I find it tedious and dull (which I think is quite funny given the fact that this is something that most Aspergers people would enjoy doing). Instead of weightlifting I go rock climbing a lot and despite still being quite scrawny, I do have abs and muscles on my arms + legs. Sadly im under police curfew at the moment so I can no longer go rock climbing as it starts at 7pm- 9pm which is outside my curfew. Also totally relate to the issues with appetite however, when I was much younger I used to over eat a lot but still stayed skinny due to my cursed metabolism. I get a lot of shit off people for saying that I hate my quick metabolism, with most people saying i'm gifted and blessed for it- but it really sucks when I just want to put on weight so I don't look like a stick. When I take my top off most people are taken back by my muscular body just because of how skinny I am especially when the muscle is hidden by clothing. I think that I might try and get into weightlifting though as it's something I could do at home that doesn't have to work around my curfew

Oh I've heard of those but they were "after my time" so to speak :) The game I played was fairly niche so I daren't mention it for fear of someone recognising me - I tend to get extremely paranoid about these things. It's a small island after all!) I agree that power levelling can be laborious; I did do that for a while but mostly profited from PvP tournaments and sourcing/trading extremely rare items, then selling the digital currency to other players for dollars/pounds.
That's really cool, I had thought about rock climbing in the past but there aren't any facilities (either indoor or outdoor) near where I live. You must indeed be strong & ripped to be able to do that, and I imagine having a lighter frame is an advantage in that sport too. Damn, it's a shame that you can't go to it at the moment, but as you say, at least with weightlifting you don't have to leave the house. I found that, to an extent, metabolism can change over time so eventually you may find that gaining weight becomes easier, but I also believe that people tend to have a 'baseline' weight that they naturally return to if the diet/weightlifting routine isn't closely monitored. I went from 8.5 stone to 16 stone over a few years, then dropped back to 10 after the relationship ended; didn't exercise for quite a while and I stopped tracking calories completely for over a year afterwards. Currently back at around 15 stone now though.

Also in regards to ket and MDMA. MDMA is extremely useful for using two - three times a year when spaced out correctly. It can help a lot with empathy and generally improving mood. The comedown on day 3 can be very depressing for some people although personally I don't get these feelings of depression from it and I find that using MD prevents me from feeling depressed for about 1-2 months. And ket is something I only use as a last resort as I dislike the way it feels. I only ever use it when im suicidal, and I do it instead of attempting to commit no longer breathing. I do this because I read online that ket prevents suicidal feelings and it does actually work to be fair. Although I really don't like the ket high so I only use it as a last resort to stop me killing myself

Oh that's really interesting; thanks for sharing. I'd heard that MDMA is fantastic for helping in social situations but I wasn't aware that it could help to improve mood for the longer term too. The anecdotes I'd heard were probably from people without existing conditions like depression so it's great to hear your perspective on it.
With regards to the last resort thing, I get what you mean. I used to take a few zopiclone pills when I was feeling suicidal just to knock myself out for a few hours, but I eventually became agitated with the cycle of it all and now I try to hang myself when the mood takes me as it feels inevitable regardless. Have never been able to do it successfully (obviously ) as like a few others here have reported, compressing the carotid artery just doesn't seem to have the desired effect. Have tried various degrees of pressure and even when squeezing it to the point where I can't breathe, it just doesn't render me unconscious, and survival instinct kicks in. I'm probably doing something wrong but just can't figure out what it is.

 

[NoSuprises]

Sorry to hear about your unfortunate experiences; I can totally relate to feeling foolish in social situations. I often practise or simulate conversations before going into them so that I have prepared comebacks/responses if needed. If things go badly I tend to dwell on it for a long time. There are situations that occurred well over a decade ago that I still haven't gotten over.
If you're genuinely curious about seeking a potential diagnosis, I'm unsure which country you're based in, however within the UK, if you visit your GP (General Practitioner, i.e. doctor) and mention the possibility of having autism, they will probably ask you to complete an AQ10 (Autism Quotient) assessment. If, based on the results of the assessment, you have enough traits that would likely "qualify" you as being autistic, they will refer you to a psychologist to begin the process of a formal diagnosis. The process can take quite a while though (around 2 years from initially being referred to being formally diagnosed in my case). I know you mentioned that you don't necessarily have special interests or a need for routines, but not all autistic people have these traits; hence it's often referred to as a 'spectrum' and so there are varying degrees of autism extremity.
All the best to you.

Yeah, I've often tried to do that as well but I find it doesn't really work for me because human interaction seems far more dynamic than having pre-prepared things to say. I think the fact that I've isolated so much over the last few years has caused my already poor social skills to atrophy further. I'm definitely the same with ruminating over past mistakes in social situations. I sit around torturing myself with them all day.

Thanks for the info, I'm from the UK too, I'm currently seeing a therapist for CBT (which is pretty unhelpful) and was seeing a GP but stopped because I hate SSRI's and she kept trying to push them on me. I'll look up the AQ10 and see how I score on it.

 

[TAW122]

I got Aspergers syndrome, and was diagnosed with it around age 16 or so. I always had difficulty picking up non-verbal cues and sometimes even understanding implied meanings and social norms. I also have a narrow interest in various topics that people don't have much of an interest in and tend to delve really deep into them. I suppose one of my advantages is being able to be really detailed and thorough with something, but I'd rather be NT just to get around in life easier and not have a day to day challenge of just communication and dealing with people. Most people without Aspergers or autism, tends to deal with things easier and the things that they take for granted, is really a chore for people like me.

This is one of the passive reasons for wanting to CTB. While I won't CTB solely on Aspergers alone, it does contribute towards the myriad of reasons that I have for wanting to CTB.

 

[Azzy69]

I don't have Aspergers, but my very first therapist thought I did when I was 14 because I had a difficult time making friends

That literally happened to me at the same age. Stupid therapist made my mother complete a test on my second appointment. She emailed her a week later and tried to say I was on the spectrum. She didn't even take the time to talk to me or ask any necessary questions. Never went back either

 

[DiiDii]

I got Aspergers syndrome, and was diagnosed with it around age 16 or so. I always had difficulty picking up non-verbal cues and sometimes even understanding implied meanings and social norms. I also have a narrow interest in various topics that people don't have much of an interest in and tend to delve really deep into them. I suppose one of my advantages is being able to be really detailed and thorough with something, but I'd rather be NT just to get around in life easier and not have a day to day challenge of just communication and dealing with people. Most people without Aspergers or autism, tends to deal with things easier and the things that they take for granted, is really a chore for people like me.

This is one of the passive reasons for wanting to CTB. While I won't CTB solely on Aspergers alone, it does contribute towards the myriad of reasons that I have for wanting to CTB.

I'd literally sell my soul to the devil to be a NT. I hate my Aspergers, and I especially hate when NTs try and tell me it's a gift or they try and sugar coat things. I might be autistic but im not dumb.
In regards to your narrow interest topics I can kind of relate but not fully. I definitely don't have obsessions or special interests per say, but I do have a shit ton of video game knowledge and I can get quite excited when talking about them

 

[Science Is Scary]

You're in good company. The stats suggest about 16% of active members on this forum may have autism.

For me personally it was more ADHD symptoms than autism symptoms that made me want to die. I have a mountain of unfinished projects, and I've had similar troubles while I was at work. My ADHD symptoms are somewhat treatment resistant.

I'm fortunate to be one of the more high functioning people with an autism spectrum diagnosis. Dale Carnegie's book helped me somewhat with social skills, but I feel a bit like a theater performer. I don't know if I'm living a lie or if my social skills have genuinely improved. It feels like a question for the philosophers. I'm still largely a loner, mostly by preference.

My special interests have varied as well. Most recently I became obsessed with researching and strategizing, particularly for suicide methods. With the help of a recovery partner I met by accident, I'm trying to turn my research obsession into an income. A bit like Temple Grandin.

Will I succeed or will I add another failed project to the pile? I don't know.