Venting Asking for help was the worst decision of my life

[AllThePsychMeds]

Four years ago, I reached what I considered, then, a crisis point. My scale has significantly shifted since then. I reached out and was kindly directed to a psych.

For the past 4 years, I have had my brain messed with in ways I didn't even know we're possible. I've been a guinea pig for the upper limitsbof dosage and for medical cocktails. I've had facial reconstructive surgery and have metal high up in my skull, but she wanted to try TMS anyways because "they're probably exaggerating". I SCREAMED for 5 minutes straight before she turned off the machine. Since no medicine has worked, guess what? I'm on the same crap my GP had me on before I began to see her.

I get a few days of benefit from ketamine treatments I can't really afford. They're a cruel tease. "Here, feel better... and now go away, go back."

It has been arranged for me to get a 30 minute consult with some university doctor. It took 3 weeks of running around to get the medical and pharmacy records. What the hell is the point of this?

I'm a grown woman in my 30s. I'm sitting at home crying until it's time to leave. What would they want? I've taken all the FDA approved drugs and then some. ECT? DBS? Sure, mess with my brain more? Inpatient? Before I go through that trauma again, I will CTB so fast you won't have time to blink.

So where am I? All this pain later, I'm exactly where my GP left me, on some maybe-useful meds I'd been on for a decade. Asking for help has been the worst decision of my life. It's ruined me financially, strained relationships, and left me with cognitive impairment. And I still feel as terrible as the day I cried for help. Well, no, not as terrible. I had hope back then. That fled..

 

[Mr2005]

I feel you. Once I got involved with mental health services my life was over. That was in 2005

 

[LMLN]

I'm so sorry for what you have gone through. I have not gone through anywhere near what you have, but I can relate. It seems the more things they have me try the worse I get. I'm back to square one. I'm not on anything now but am actually feeling better. At least not jumping out if my skin on the medicines they were giving me.
So sorry. ❤

 

[TAW122]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. For me, yeah "professional help" didn't do much for me and there were times where it was even risky, meaning that had I said the wrong things or if the person talking to me believed that I was a danger to myself or others (which is solely based on their 'professional opinion'), then my life would be even worse than it currently is now. So yes, at best it was a waste of time and energy for me, and at worst, I run the risk of ruining my life further (financially, socially, freedom wise, etc.).

 

[Brink]

I'm sorry to hear this. Thank you so much for sharing this because it's so important. x

 

[UpandDownPrincess]

There are good doctors out there. Go to the appointment in the hopes that you'll see one. The fact that he/she wants records is a good sign. Quacks make "cures" in fifteen minutes of talk. Good docs do their homework.

I know it's hard to believe, but there is the possibility that a good doc exists. I know. I had one, and he was wonderful. I only changed mine because I moved far away.

I think, in an awful way, that when we truly despair is the best time to see a new physician. Then they know what's really going on instead of a quiet, cleaned-up self that's just for show.

I do know how you feel. I've had my share of bumbling incompetence as well. But maybe today will be different. If you go in with low/no expectations, you might come out pleasantly surprised.

I wish you luck.

 

[Esc9434]

Medical help should be a partnership, not a one-sided conversation.

It is also our responsibility to educate ourselves to understand what is going on with us.

We should never put our fate in someone else's hands.

Any doctor who cannot accept push back should be dropped.

 

[tireddreamer]

Sorry you're going through that OP. The extent of my mental health treatment has been therapy and SSRIs. Neither has really helped.

 

[Deleted member 1465]

Sounds like a nightmare. Really sorry. I've had no success with doctors, I'm coming to the conclusion that most of them are in fact potatoes.

University/research hospitals can offer more promising results with tertiary care. They often have more progressive doctors who lecture on associated subjects and will be at the front of their field. It might be worth going to that consultation.

 

[AllThePsychMeds]

Thank you. I wish her to be good. I guess not thinking clearly leads to not writing clearly. I see this university doctor once and for 30 minutes. That's it. Forever. She doesn't take any patients at all.

So, in two weeks, I will return to my regularly scheduled appointment in which either nothing will happen or she'll come up with a new and inventive scheme.

 

[tireddreamer]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. For me, yeah "professional help" didn't do much for me and there were times where it was even risky, meaning that had I said the wrong things or if the person talking to me believed that I was a danger to myself or others (which is solely based on their 'professional opinion'), then my life would be even worse than it currently is now. So yes, at best it was a waste of time and energy for me, and at worst, I run the risk of ruining my life further (financially, socially, freedom wise, etc.).

This is really important for people to remember. If you tell a mental health professional that you're suicidal or that you have plans, you can be committed to an involuntary psych hold.

You can be honest to a therapist for the most part, but not about suicide. If they ask, you don't think about it and you aren't considering it.

 

[Ghost2211]

I'm sorry you went through all that. It's stories like this that make me refuse to talk to psych. I've heard too many horror stories about how people's lives get worse from "help".

 

[Esc9434]

My dad had a heart attack last February. He ended up being short of breath all the time.

His doctor recommended a CPAP mask to help heal his heart while sleeping, so the doctor prescribed him to participate in a sleep study.

At the sleep study, they gave my dad Ambien, which caused him to retain water and further damaged his heart.

He was given two choices: Stay permanently hooked up to an IV while being administered $1000-$2000 per month heart medicine or die.

He chose to die.

Lesson learned: Don't blindly take pills that any doctor give you. Someone should have known that Ambien was bad for heart patients. Educate yourself.

 

[Dear Flabby]

I am sorry that you were forced to have TMS with a metal plate in your skull. That is definitely medical malpractice!
You could have had a brain injury or a painful death.

TMS helped my depression and Fibromyalgia, but I couldn't afford to continue with it. Similar to your situation with ketamine, I had to stop because of finances. Very crushing.

I send you hugs and kind thoughts. So many people are here because they have been fighting for recovery for years or decades, only to be "given up on" by the mental health system that is dodgy at best.

 

[Esc9434]

My dad had a heart attack last February. He ended up being short of breath all the time.

His doctor recommended a CPAP mask to help heal his heart while sleeping, so the doctor prescribed him to participate in a sleep study.

At the sleep study, they gave my dad Ambien, which caused him to retain water and further damaged his heart.

He was given two choices: Stay permanently hooked up to an IV while being administered $1000-$2000 per month heart medicine or die.

He chose to die.

Lesson learned: Don't blindly take pills that any doctor give you. Someone should have known that Ambien was bad for heart patients. Educate yourself.

Funny thing. I think Ambien was completely unnecessary. They just blindly gave it to him because he was restless during the study.

My parents are fucking stupid putting their blind fate in other people's hands.

I tried to get my dad alternative treatment for years with his doctors permission, but my parents wouldn't hear of it because "Doctors cannot be questioned".

My dad finally agreed to alternative treatment on his deathbed. I finally got a list to his doctor, then my dad died the next day.

I'm mad at my parents and these human pill dispensers.

Edit: I could have gotten the list to his doctor a week earlier, but the doctor's head nurse was on vacation. My mom had the doctor's cell phone number, but didn't want to bother him. I mean my dad is dying, and this doctor ain't going to have shit to do with you once he dies. My mom is a retired nurse which probably played a part in her "love" for doctors.

 

[R_N]

Same. I am ruined and only sleep for a few minutes in total because the psych med ruined my brain. Ctb is my only way out.

 

[s1mplem3]

I understand, I don't trust any doctors, that's all bullshit, just do experiments and make money on us. What are you going to do now? Can I help?

 

[I_love_to_bake]

The mental health system is so greedy and corrupt. There are good therapists, and good doctors, but I feel like they just can't compete with the competition who are selfish, entitled, adept at lying.

The worst part is, unique to the mental health field, outsiders rarely listen to the client's opinion. It seems society doesn't view the opinions of people who struggle with mental health issues to be valid. I couldn't disagree with this more. It serves to further alienate us.

I hope we can pave the way for future generations to be able to trust the system.

Best of luck

 

[oopswronglife]

I hear you. Doctors ruined my life too...then took no responsibility and even worse victim blamed. Then the systems meant to help would not. When that happens people use all that bad expeirence as evidence YOU are the problem. Then we are stuck having to interact with them just to survive the pain they created and deny. It is my primary cause for being suicidal...so many years of suffering caused by "the professionals" and watching people all around me turn and blame in order to feel safer and better in their own lives.

 

[Dark days]

I feel your pain. Thank you for taking the time to share your story. Doctors and so-called 'professionals' have a lot to answer for. The system is so corrupt.

 

[hatelife]

doctors dont know more than us, they are just ppl like us trying to figure life out, they are not God

 

[needtogo]

Completely can relate. Had a solid doctor at school, got home ended up seeing a person that would literally send me to hell with the meds they gave. Horrible person. Disgusting that I expressed I had sexual anxiety and she told me I needed to take lexapro, which fully shut down my sexual system.

 

[Final Escape]

I feel you. Once I got involved with mental health services my life was over. That was in 2005

Me too, I had no idea that the psychiatric people are people not to trust. I figured I would be given treatment so I could finally have a decent life like other people. Hahahahaha! They instead just drugged me for many years and then I stopped most of them but the legal speed has been a challenge. Poor little me not realizing I have borderline personality disorder and complex ptsd. Of course they just ignored all that. I believe I tried to tell a GP I was sexually abused and possibly one of the psych doctors too but they just acted like ok and? Lol! Like hello? They just act like child abuse and neglect has nothing to do with why u have trouble with life. Let's skirt right on over that lol! Craziest part I didn't give up looking for therapy till I was like 36 or in late 30's because by this time my youth was gone. Any benefit I might have gained from years of therapy would have been needed before I screwed up my entire adulthood. Before I ended up aborting my kids, before I ruined myself with too many dicks lol!

 

[jussrav]

I feel you. Once I got involved with mental health services my life was over. That was in 2005

Same

 

[R_N]

I hope some of you get at least somewhat better so you don't suffer as much physically.

My condition improved a little but not completely. I am grateful that I can get at least some sleep and my brain is working. I was really scared at the time.

 

[Pidgeons_Sparrows]

im sorry that nothing you tried has helped
i reached out once aswell and immediately regretted it

 

[jussrav]

Same. I am ruined and only sleep for a few minutes in total because the psych med ruined my brain. Ctb is my only way out.

I am going to end it nyself