Discussion Asking for help, one last time.

[Anxieyote]

I haven't posted on the main forum in what feels like a lifetime ago. But here I am again.

Recently, some things have happened to me that are making my current circumstances unendurable. I would like to take my life tonight more than anything, but I have been unable to find a reliable method. But I am impulsive enough right now to use the methods at my disposal, and I may get hurt.

This is my cry for help. Please help me. If there's anything at all you can do for me tonight, I would appreciate it. Just anything you can think of that you can do from your computer or phone would be fine.

 

[whywere]

I wrap my arms around you and hug you tightly, as we ALL here ARE family.

It is all over SaSU about me, as I had a rough start, BUT did great and I want the VERY same for you.

That is the wonderment of SaSu is that we ARE family here to help each other.

Always around my good friend.

Walter

If I understand your header, I also am in the Midwest of the U.S.

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

do you want to talk about it? or talk about other things to distract? or anything else that can help?

 

[RiftbornVeil]

I haven't posted on the main forum in what feels like a lifetime ago. But here I am again.

Recently, some things have happened to me that are making my current circumstances unendurable. I would like to take my life tonight more than anything, but I have been unable to find a reliable method. But I am impulsive enough right now to use the methods at my disposal, and I may get hurt.

This is my cry for help. Please help me. If there's anything at all you can do for me tonight, I would appreciate it. Just anything you can think of that you can do from your computer or phone would be fine.

You are such a strong and courageous person. Words for moments like these never seem enough when I speak them.

Instead, I urge you to turn your attention to anything else. Anything else at all, no matter how mundane. Maybe there are stars in the night sky. Perhaps the moon is reaching a certain phase.

A cathartic way to release your emotion/pain may be through writing it out. Feel free to write for yourself, or vent as you please.

We're here for you <3

 

[Anxieyote]

It will be miraculous if I survive the night this evening. Thank you all for your kind comments. Something inside of me is broken and I can no longer handle it.

I am happy I made it to age 32. That is pretty far for someone like me who is disabled with autism. I wish things hadn't been so lonely in my final years. I met some great people online, but I never got to meet any of them in person. I deal with a great many anxieties and I will be relieved to be able to rest finally.

 

[Fadenself00]

you are awesome! all the best to u <3

 

[GodzillasBiggestFan]

im disabled with autism too, and i feel the same about myself. very lonely and a lot of anxiety and feeling broken. if you ever want to talk you always can. i hope you'll be okay.

 

[dontwakemeup]

I'm sorry life has got you to this point. If I had the golden secret to get you out of here I promise, I would tell you, but I don't. I think we all have been so desperate at some point that we would do anything, but it will only get you back here! Trying to ctb on impulse in never a good idea. If you are determined to go then, of course I wish you safe and fast travels! I just don't want you to do something that will add more to your suffering. If you ever need someone to vent or just talk to..I'm always here..I truly hope your day gets better.

 

[meddle]

im so so so sorry you feel that way. im proud that you have made it that far. please, write down your thoughts, it may soothe the pain at least a bit

 

[blumen]

im very sorry that this is happening to you, its an achievement that you have made it this far, and you certainly dont deserve the pain youre in.

i suggest distracting yourself and trying to relax: make a cup of tea or coffee, take a warm bath, watch a video, take a nap, read a book... you are not yourself in a state of such impulsivity. so please, whatever you do -- do not act on impulse

my advice may not be the best, but i experienced desperation to the point i would start shaking. in those moments, i would sit down on a chair and think. i would think about everything. think until i would start sobbing and my vision would go blurry. but it helps, its not the most conventional way to stop an episode, but it helps (for me at least). after one of those i would take a long, warm bath and a cup of tea. maybe you could try that if you think it can be useful.

i wish the best for you!

 

[Anxieyote]

I don't know what to say.

My brain feels really funny again, psych ward funny. Feel my brain "floating". It is a nice feeling.

I normally like to make observations and talk but right now I feel my body. My breaths going up and down. I never thought sadness can go deep, deep, even deeper.

My memories were formed on this website. Did you know I averaged 21 hours of screen time per day last week? SaSu was at 33 hours. Discord was at 55. Almost all of my time is spent online.

I thought I had a chance. I was wrong. I'm sorry to everyone that believed in me. I wanted to get better.

It's funny that I find myself in the same place as I was when I first went to the psych ward at age 26. Lying on the floor holding my stuffed wolf's paw. His paws. Her paws. I never settled on their gender.

Tonight I could go to sleep for a really long time. I just want to rest.

 

[Tired_birth_1967]

So perhaps it might be a good idea to take a break from social media, etc., before making any decisions. Personally, I try to be as rational as possible about this matter, even if it costs me more time and suffering. On the other hand, I perfectly understand that some situations are really complex, and I don't know what to say without knowing the full context of each one. As I said, in my case, I want it to be without impulse, but rational.

 

[Anxieyote]

Shaking shaking things are getting way scarier as night approaches. Sense of dread washing over me. Haha I haahhaha I'm sorry I don't normally feel this way. This thread feels safe, may do some voice calls with people. I don't want to be alone. I'm not handling anything well right now brain feels floaty and and weird. I don't want to have to go to the hospital but I have to remember that people on the internet can help a little, but not medical intervention if need be. Geez I don't want to go back to the psych ward. But tonight does feel very big and huge