Argument with my therapist, is the third one giving up?

[noname223]

I wish I could have just whined about my shitty life in todays appoinment. Some shitty things happened this week and I like it to moan about these things in order not to be alone with it. But no. He wanted to speak about my future and how to solve my problems. He might lose his patience with me.

The problem is I do not have any solutions for my problems. Everything I tried failed. Soon I will have another trial to go to university and later find a job. I am very pessimistic about the outcome because the last time failed abysmally. I am still young but I have tried so much and I don't have alternatives to this. At this point my pessimism resembles the objective truth. But that's something my therapist does not wanna hear. He says I am always too pessimistic, negative and I have to change my attitude. I am mad at him because he thinks this is the problem why I fail. It is not my attitude. My illness just makes it impossible for me to work. I cannot cope with the stress and there is nothing that can change that. I've asked which alternatives does he think I have to this trial. He had no answer.

With all of this I just wanted him to show how desperate I am in order that he understands me better. However I think he more and more thinks I am treatment resistant like my 2 last therapists. He probably is damn right with that.
Then we argued about poverty. He claims welfare is not that awful. My last 2 therapists and me think I gonna ctb due to lack of money.
Someday I will tell him about my full suicidality. I think when I will do that he will finally give me up.

The therapy would be way easier if I just pretended everything was fine like at the start. But the more I reveal my inner abyss the more problems emerge. I just like to talk about my issues with a professional. I don't blame him that he cannot solve my problems. I think noone can fix them. I think suicide might be the solution for them.

 

[FTL.Wanderer]

I am mad at him because he thinks this is the problem why I fail. It is not my attitude. My illness just makes it impossible for me to work. I cannot cope with the stress and there is nothing that can change that. I've asked which alternatives does he think I have to this trial. He had no answer.

This is why I stopped "therapy." They inevitably tell you the source of your problems is your attitude. I think my attitude RESULTS from my problems--problems therapy can't fix. But they have the power. They're the ones who label us and decide what we must do. And threaten us (firing us as clients or imprisoning us) if we don't sufficiently tow the company line (showing "positive" mental health changes). It was exhausting being in so much pain but having to ACT the right way to satisfy their minimum behavioral criteria. Or being reprimanded like a child when I was honest. So I quit.

Not saying anyone else should quit, but therapy was worse than useless for me. It was harmful. They're often powerless to effect real change, BUT they demand we act change the way we feel/think about our legitimate life problems.

Hope something works out for you.