Are you here for someone else?

[Illcryaboutitlater]

I havent been here in a few weeks. Im here today as its the 5 year anniversary of my close young friend ctb.

I had a bunch of stuff to do this morning but i keep thinking about him. I always think about him but it always surprises me every year when this date comes.

Ive been trying to be good, my girlfriend asked that i not do anything but idk, obviously not today but like i just have no reason you know?
Ive been trying to gage my mood and i feel like i have just been having SI and not the depression. Does that happen?

Have you ever decided to stay around for other people, i feel like its always for others and not really ever for myself more so since last year. Nothing has gone well, no plan i have made has come to fruition.

The part i hate the most is i was encouraged last year to do this for her by my counselor and deep down i know this is going to fuck me up when shes done with me. She recently started a new med, shes like an even better version and im like basically waiting for her to be like ew you are always S and i dont wanna be around that. Idk if she will be like that she just seems so different.

I just can see myself just working these dead end jobs and i know that this will end one day but when is that day.

 

[Sherri]

I'm here to try and help the broken and depressed like I was sometime ago. I respect all ways and ideias people have about life or death. Either if you wanna live or die I wanna be there for a caring word and show someone that i care about them like most members on this community. I m lorry about your friend I also lost a few. This is a new invisible battle that people don't want to talk about more and in more debt.

 

[Illcryaboutitlater]

I'm here to try and help the broken and depressed like I was sometime ago. I respect all ways and ideias people have about life or death. Either if you wanna live or die I wanna be there for a caring word and show someone that i care about them like most members on this community. I m lorry about your friend I also lost a few. This is a new invisible battle that people don't want to talk about more and in more debt.

In February will be two years for my bestfriend, it os something that people dont talk about. I guess i just keep trying to find reasons but i honestly dont have any that are for sure.

 

[Sherri]

They only talk about in the funeral and then go back to their lives, and say things like she or he had it all I don't understand for example in a funeral I went, my recent friend that CTB was a year ago, followed by a long distant friend. 2 souls lost in less than 3 months apart. One was not from this site.

 

[Illcryaboutitlater]

They only talk about in the funeral and then go back to their lives, and say things like she or he had it all I don't understand for example in a funeral I went, my recent friend that CTB was a year ago, followed by a long distant friend. 2 souls lost in less than 3 months apart. One was not from this site.

Omg so true! Some people posted about him on fb today but like its just for show. I really hate it cause people didn't even say happy birthday to them but on their anniversary they "care"

 

[Sherri]

Omg so true! Some people posted about him on fb today but like its just for show. I really hate it cause people didn't even say happy birthday to them but on their anniversary they "care"

To one of my friends i had to write to FB and say she was dead, the family didn't even bother doing that, so now her page says Remembering and her name. Was the least I could do.