Discussion Are you addicted to drugs?

[Baskol1]

It seems many here are seriously addicted to drugs. Are you personally addicted to drugs? I personally do not consume any drugs, and stay away from drugs, because it would make my life only worse. Wht about you, did your drug addiction ruin your life? How bad is your drug addiction, how much drugs do you take, and what drugs?

 

[Mr2005]

Weed and it's both ruined my life and made me a better person. Whilst drugs aren't known for empathy I feel mines shot up whilst at the same time destroying my ego

 

[IsadoraBeauxdraps]

I had been 14 years on Paxil, and when I withdrew, the horror have begun.

 

[Skathon]

Alas. Though, I no longer consume any hard ones.

 

[Alpha_Draco_Pegasus]

I just relapsed on crystal meth a few days ago, after 90 days clean. Before that I had nearly 6 months clean, and before that I had a year. At this point I am treading on very thin ice; I have been lucky so far in that after each relapse I have rebounded back into productivity with very minor consequences, but soon enough that luck will turn.

I have not told anyone about any of my relapses, and figuring that I am anonymous on this site which I use to discuss an even more taboo topic being pro-choice suicide, I should use this thread as a means to admit my relapse. Over the past 2 years I have been living at a "half-way house" transitional sober-living community for the mentally ill, where there is frequent monitoring over the clients and the possibility of drug testing. After each of my 4 relapses here I was able to get it back together, go back to work and act normal to my social support network and my peers.

But fooling them will not help me manage my own life - it will only prevent them from intervening, which of course, is important too. I am about to move away from my family to rent my own apartment and live on my own. I will have more responsibilities such as higher rent and higher cost of health insurance. After this relapse I seem to be cognitively fractured - I am a more forgetful driver, for example, already I have almost caused accidents because I was inattentive to the rules of the road (right of way, forgetting I was in reverse when I thought I was in D, etc.). Crystal meth does very quick and severe damage to my brain evidently, after only a couple days use. I use to the extreme, taking 10-20 mega hits in a row until my brain can't handle any more.

I am already having cravings to use again but I can not afford to forfeit this opportunity for independence. Even if I have the money to afford a living and can avoid having others intervene (i.e. drug test me at work or at home), my impaired cognitive abilities will make it too difficult for me to do things such as drive and talk (it is much more difficult for me to have a conversation now, the precision of my communication feels frustratingly inconveyable and/or inarticulate) and therefore I feel very vulnerable to make a fatal mistake in life due to my diminished mental complexion.

So yes, to sum it up, my addiction is my worst enemy and will interfere with whatever goal I have in life, especially suicide. I will not be able to pull off a successful suicide if my meth addiction conquers me.

 

[fpeterson9]

Mostly weed. It's the only drug I have no desire to stop taking. It's the only drug that makes me feel like a complete fucking moron which really helps me relate to others and get through the days/nights. It makes everything just a little more tolerable. Last night, for example, I saw a mind-blowing concert, stoned out of my mind. I'm sure if I hadn't been it would have been the worst, stupidest thing I've ever seen. But there's a fine line there, I guess.

I'm a budding alcoholic. I feel like I could quit that at any time, but do I really want to? Not really. I can only spend so much time alone. Oddly, I didn't touch alcohol for the first 30 years of my life, but there's a whole back story there, mostly just related to my alcoholic parents. Now I don't give a fuck.

Klonopin. I've been on this shit for years at a high dose. That's a real physical addiction. I hate being dependent on it. If I'm even a few hours off my dose I'll start having minor convulsions.

I'm a big fan of recreational drugs. Aside from these, though, I don't do them often, mostly just because I can't keep friends, and the friends who had the good drugs are long gone. MDMA or MDA are my favorites. I'm pretty alone right now, these days, so I wouldn't even want to take them. Not good drugs to take alone when you're feeling sad.

 

[Sensei]

Well, sort of. It's quite innocent and pathetic, though. Nowadays I only use half a dozen so-called legal highs. They are not physically addictive, save for one, phenibut. They make my everyday life bearable and I wouldn't want to live without them, so I guess they are psychologically addictive to me as a collective. Sadly, it has become something of a hobby for me to buy them and find new ones. It could certainly have been worse, though.

 

[mathieu]

I'm only addicted to cigarettes but I take drugs sometimes. Heroin (or other opioids), or mdma usually. I guess I'm lucky not to get addicted. I can't afford to do enough for that to happen, I guess.

 

[MissNietzsche]

Nah, but food? Maybe.

 

[stellabelle]

I use marijuana to cope with my problems on a regular basis. It's not exactly a hard drug, and I can go without it, but I benefit from it. I've thought about not using it in the future, but I haven't quite got to that point yet. I had quit smoking cigarettes and then slipped up and started again, and I need to stop again

My goal is to get addicted to exercising and going to the gym. And I really hope I can get addicted to working a lot again. It's really hard having too much time but it's also really hard to go and do my job. It sucks. It's heartbreaking.

 

[Final Escape]

I just relapsed on crystal meth a few days ago, after 90 days clean. Before that I had nearly 6 months clean, and before that I had a year. At this point I am treading on very thin ice; I have been lucky so far in that after each relapse I have rebounded back into productivity with very minor consequences, but soon enough that luck will turn.

I have not told anyone about any of my relapses, and figuring that I am anonymous on this site which I use to discuss an even more taboo topic being pro-choice suicide, I should use this thread as a means to admit my relapse. Over the past 2 years I have been living at a "half-way house" transitional sober-living community for the mentally ill, where there is frequent monitoring over the clients and the possibility of drug testing. After each of my 4 relapses here I was able to get it back together, go back to work and act normal to my social support network and my peers.

But fooling them will not help me manage my own life - it will only prevent them from intervening, which of course, is important too. I am about to move away from my family to rent my own apartment and live on my own. I will have more responsibilities such as higher rent and higher cost of health insurance. After this relapse I seem to be cognitively fractured - I am a more forgetful driver, for example, already I have almost caused accidents because I was inattentive to the rules of the road (right of way, forgetting I was in reverse when I thought I was in D, etc.). Crystal meth does very quick and severe damage to my brain evidently, after only a couple days use. I use to the extreme, taking 10-20 mega hits in a row until my brain can't handle any more.

I am already having cravings to use again but I can not afford to forfeit this opportunity for independence. Even if I have the money to afford a living and can avoid having others intervene (i.e. drug test me at work or at home), my impaired cognitive abilities will make it too difficult for me to do things such as drive and talk (it is much more difficult for me to have a conversation now, the precision of my communication feels frustratingly inconveyable and/or inarticulate) and therefore I feel very vulnerable to make a fatal mistake in life due to my diminished mental complexion.

So yes, to sum it up, my addiction is my worst enemy and will interfere with whatever goal I have in life, especially suicide. I will not be able to pull off a successful suicide if my meth addiction conquers me.

I have addiction to stimulants too. Still take adderall or dex and I came off once for like 4 maybe 5 months. Finally I relapsed but I can't remember what the trigger was. I sort of remember what things caused me to fail. I did not have all the bases covered to set myself up to stay sober. Planning for the potential triggers. I felt kind of good after some months off. I thought for sure I was done but I relapsed again.

 

[notjustyetagain]

i took LSD, DXM, and ketamine consistently throughout my early teens. briefly cannabis. then alcohol, heroin, back to heroin. dabbled with benzos. now i'm only on softer opiates and GABA-ergics. the one class of drug i cannot stand is stimulants. it's been so long since i had a prolonged period of sobriety that i honestly can't fathom what it's like. alcohol, by far, did the most damage. i've just run out of opiates; next couple of days are going to be unpleasant. in combination with a dissociative disorder, addiction trashed my life... but other factors have trashed it too.