Welcome to the forum, though I am deeply sorry life has been so difficult and resulted in you contemplating the issues that lead one here in the first place. You don't have to answer my question if it's too intrusive, of course, but do you have something like vascular EDS or an autoimmune condition? It's really disheartening how much of a lack of awareness there is in this day and age about connective tissue diseases.
There are many chronically ill people here, at the very least, so hopefully you can feel less alone and reassured by the fact that we're all in this together and you can speak freely about your illness and the effect that it has on you here.
I'm pretty much in the same boat. When I first started experiencing health issues years ago, I would always hold out for the next test, treatment, whatever, thinking it would be "the one". Eventually I had to come to grips with the fact that I was never going to have a healthy body and always will struggle to function, but this is not so easy when you have an invisible illness and don't have a lot of people rallying behind you with support and accommodations.
Even then, I get told frequently that I just need to try more things. The amount of money that's been spent on private testing trying to ascertain what caused my physical health problems and experimenting with different things can't even be counted at this point. Something welled up and died inside me when I realized that I will be impaired in some capacity for the rest of my life and there's no way for me to fight it.
