Discussion Are we self-obsessed?

[PlannedforPeru]

Stumbling through a form about the suicide note left by Kurt Cobain, one comment hasn't been able to leave my head. Paraphrasing, it read something like "Depression is a bitch, I've seen it turn the most compassionate and caring people into self-obsessed babies." Many of the replies came to the defense of the described depressed people with compassion but still maintained a similar air of infantilization (i.e. sick, impaired, devoid of rational thought, etc...).

Suicide and opinions around it are deeply personal and as a result I think CTB is a self-focused decision. However, I'm of the opinion that being self-focused is intrinsic to the human condition and pursuits where you can prioritize others can only really follow a situation where all of your own individual needs are met.

I'm curious what your thoughts are about this?

 

[Nikki_Music]

Speaking for myself, I think I am self-obsessed and selfish in a sense due to my depression and suicidal thoughts. It is very true that people who think this way often act in their own self-interest and disregard others feelings and viewpoints, especially those in their life. The most selfish thing that it comes down to is simply the fact that I don't care. I really don't care that my friends and family would miss me or there's a chance I would be making their lives worse. The pain is simply too much to live with. Many people will certainly call it selfish or self-obsessed, but I can not find it in me to care.

 

[aipuweth]

I don't care if it's selfish or not. I don't give a fuck about the other people, it's my pain and it's my life. Who the hell are you to make decisions about my life? So yeah. Maybe it's selfish, but wanting someone to live by force is way more selfish.

 

[cohomology]

The destruction of the self seems like the opposite of selfish but maybe that's just me.

 

[Forever Sleep]

I'm extremely self obsessed but then, I don't have dependants and my family and friends are hundreds of miles away.

I think you were so accurate when you said that: 'pursuits where you can prioritize others can only really follow a situation where all of your own individual needs are met.' I think you have to be reasonably ok yourself to be very supportive and strong for other people.

I'd also imagine that a lot of people here are isolated. They maybe don't have all that many people who care about them. So- when we don't have that, it seems kind of natural that we would try to look out for ourselves and we may not be too concerned about other people that didn't bother giving us their time. It can be a defense mechamism I think. When people let you down enough, you start to deliberately not rely on them, to not have them in your life. It can work out less painful that way.

I suppose I have to wonder. Of those people who have people that rely on them. That they feel an obligation to. Selfless people. Does that make them immune from ideation or depression? I don't think it does. They may even have people that love and care about them deeply. They may well reciprocate that. They may love them more than they love themselves. I'm not sure that eliminates depression or ideation though. There are people here who have partners, siblings, children even that they are worried to leave yet, they still want to CTB.

 

[-Link-]

I don't think depression or suicidality make a person any more or less self-focused than the average person.

The comment quoted in the OP sounds founded in ignorance, and it seems (perhaps ironically) void of compassion and caring.

Whether CTB is a self-focused act: I wouldn't be inclined to pass judgement on any individual decision without being able to know the whole context of that decision.

 

[brokeandbroken]

Stumbling through a form about the suicide note left by Kurt Cobain, one comment hasn't been able to leave my head. Paraphrasing, it read something like "Depression is a bitch, I've seen it turn the most compassionate and caring people into self-obsessed babies." Many of the replies came to the defense of the described depressed people with compassion but still maintained a similar air of infantilization (i.e. sick, impaired, devoid of rational thought, etc...).

Suicide and opinions around it are deeply personal and as a result I think CTB is a self-focused decision. However, I'm of the opinion that being self-focused is intrinsic to the human condition and pursuits where you can prioritize others can only really follow a situation where all of your own individual needs are met.

I'm curious what your thoughts are about this?

I think my life is a giant rorsach inkblot test. You see what you want to see. To those who are self-obsessed I am probably self-obsessed and to those who aren't I am probably not.

 

[dust-in-the-wind]

Self focus is a healthy necessity for our survival. But that differs from being self obsessed. I suffer from major depressive disorder and I can't get out of my own head. All I think about is myself all day to the point I am not functioning.
That being said, I don't think everyone that cbts is self obsessed, as not everyone is depressed.

 

[wildflowers1996]

I think I am self obsessed and ironically, the more I worry about being self obsessed, the more self obsessed I'm being
I worry that I'm not a good person, if I do something "good" I worry my motivations were selfish; I feel I cannot win
I wish there were clear, universally agreed on rules on how to be a decent person so I could feel I knew what I was doing

 

[ladylazarus4]

I am definitely self obsessed because I hate myself constantly. But I still have compassion. I do get extremely irrational when I'm at my worst. But not all depressed/suicidal people hate themselves.

 

[doneforlife]

Stumbling through a form about the suicide note left by Kurt Cobain, one comment hasn't been able to leave my head. Paraphrasing, it read something like "Depression is a bitch, I've seen it turn the most compassionate and caring people into self-obsessed babies." Many of the replies came to the defense of the described depressed people with compassion but still maintained a similar air of infantilization (i.e. sick, impaired, devoid of rational thought, etc...).

Suicide and opinions around it are deeply personal and as a result I think CTB is a self-focused decision. However, I'm of the opinion that being self-focused is intrinsic to the human condition and pursuits where you can prioritize others can only really follow a situation where all of your own individual needs are met.

I'm curious what your thoughts are about this?

Depression is still a matter of RnD. It has not yet been concluded medically what exactly causes it. I find it rather dismissive and irresponsible journalism when a known figure commits suicide and the headlines hit the entire globe.."xyz commited suicide due to depression". It could have been planned murder , accidental overdose , impulsive reaction to a bitter fight ..but yeah depression is the culprit.

 

[depthss]

i think when you CTB you focus mostly on yourself and your priorities, so i guess in a way it is, though i dont think thats a bad thing in this case. though i also agree with cohomolgy at the same time. getting rid of yourself is possibly one of the least selfish things you can do. its impossible to be selfish if there is no longer a self to focus on

 

[ChaiTea]

just imo and i'm kinda in my own head rn, don't take me seriously lmao

i like to think that it's in our human nature and simple biology to be what we deem as selfish. the more that someone thinks about their happiness, the less happy they'll be. and that concept applies to most things i can think of.

i like to believe that the pursuit of anything is pointless unless you're unaware of it. from my experience, the most depressed people are the most self aware. not sure if any of this makes sense

 

[Trav1989]

Kurt Cobain was hardly a scholar, just being honest. I wouldn't read too far into it and draw conclusions is all I'm saying.

 

[landslide2]

I don't think depression or suicidality make a person any more or less self-focused than the average person.

The comment quoted in the OP sounds founded in ignorance, and it seems (perhaps ironically) void of compassion and caring.

Whether CTB is a self-focused act: I wouldn't be inclined to pass judgement on any individual decision without being able to know the whole context of that decision.

I couldn't have said this better. It's immature, simplistic and lacks empathy or compassion.
(*edit not quote from Kurt)

 

[PlannedforPeru]

I love Nirvana but couldn't have said this better. I get what Kurt Cobain is trying to get at, which is how debilitating depression can be. But he finished that rather poorly. It's immature, simplistic and lacks empathy or compassion.

My bad, I wish I could go back and edit the original post since I didn't clarify properly but luckily it wasn't Kurt Cobain who made that comment, just a random commenter responding to his suicide note. The commentor was vocalizing their displeasure with Kurt's (and other depressed people's) behavior.

 

[vanillamilkshakes]

I'd say I am. I can only feel like I can breathe when I'm alone, other people overwhelm me.

 

[VI48]

People are self-obsessed in general, and that's not a bad thing on its own. I find people are just more open to call it out for depressed and suicidal people for it since, many outsiders either don't know or give up on helping those people.

 

[ijustwishtodie]

Humans are self obsessed in general. People complain about suicidal people being self obsessed because their own self obsession makes them so hurt over somebody's suicide to where they would rather have them stay alive and be in excruciating pain than be dead and be free from all suffering and hardship in life. Humans are naturally self obsessed, depression doesn't make people more self obsessed than the average person. Also, there isn't anything wrong with being self obsessed when it comes to suicide since it's personal to you and your body belongs to you only. Your body doesn't belong to society or your family or your country or whatever, it belongs to you and you alone since you're the person living in your life

 

[3/4Dead]

I think selfishness isn't inhereintly a bad thing. I struggle to make peace with it but try to even it out by letting it be the only selfish thing I do. I take care of everyone else as best as I can and i am as selfless in the rest of my life as possible so that the truly most selfish thing i do is kill myself.

 

[BoredNTired]

I think I definitely am self-obsessed, but I don't think it's because I wanna CTB, more so that me being self-obessed is what allowed allowed the idea of CTB to ferment and solidify in my head. I don't think CTB is inherently a self-obsessed act or anything, as just living for the sake of others is a step beyond kind or compassionate into the territory of being kinda creepy to me, but in my case it absolutely narcissistic.

 

[passer-by]

However, I'm of the opinion that being self-focused is intrinsic to the human condition and pursuits where you can prioritize others can only really follow a situation where all of your own individual needs are met.

This was literally going to be my reply and you said it so well.

As disturbed as I am by my lack of care for anybody else than myself at this point, it is the most natural reaction of both a mind and a body.

One can't be really generous with others when their own cup is empty. And once you hit your own personal rock bottom(as the threshold for those varies from a person to person), even the seemingly simplest acts of care or even just a recognition of another human being are just too much to handle, without reaching the absolute breaking point.

Honestly I feel I'm a villain in making and I really am not proud of it. There are still certain lines I probably wouldn't cross but yeah I'd say my selfishness has reached its maximum saturation.

I feel I'm just an observer of this pit I found myself in, but can't interfere in a proper way to change that. I'm well aware of this state and a part of me would really like to extend the compassion and understanding out to the rest of the world, but I simply have no capacity for it anymore.

It's a shitty feeling but yeah, the least harm I'm currently doing is when I'm asleep.

 

[swankysoup]

I would say that the things that drive people into suicide are motivated by selfishness. So we just reflect it back onto them.

 

[sevennn]

when it comes to severe illness it is normal for a person to become as you say self obsessed because the illness demands attention to the self - some part of body, or mind. if whatever is inside always demanding attention its hard to put that attention into the outside world.