Are most millennials and gen z lonely?

[Ambivalent1]

I don't see how they would know anyone besides coworkers and family unless they kept in touch with people from high school and college. I didn't do that. I'm tired of "connecting" with people like pharmacists, nurses, and cashiers who remember me when I come around. I can't really know these people and it sucks.

 

[JKFleck]

I'm gen Z and also lonely as well

 

[Traveller12724]

Why not get involved in activities and sports, that's the sole reason why that app and website meetup.com was created, it's local activity and sport groups your area. When I moved to a new city alone, I got involved in many activity and sport groups and got to know people and make friends that way. They literally have meetup groups for almost anything and you can create and organize your own depending on whatever activity you like.

 

[dragonofenvy]

Yes, and I really don't think there's anything that can be done. The only thing that's done is the blame game, yet if three generations (let's not forget Gen Alpha too, they're lonely as well) are having this issue I don't think it's an issue of us "sucking at socializing" but rather how we were raised and societal expectations, and our methods of communication. I for one was never taught how to socialize, in fact I was isolated from everyone by being in special education. Then when I got older I was told that I need to "put myself out there" despite never having learned how to do that since I spent my entire childhood isolated and ostracized. I think many people went through something similar since most people are in fact very lonely, but we can't open ourselves up to others even if they do the same simply because we just don't know how since we never had the experience in the first place. We can't be taught social skills when nobody knows how to teach them. We can't be taught how to not be lonely when everyone is.

The biggest problem too is, being a loner in of itself is something people despise you for. All that does is make you withdraw more. I tried using coaching to help and it really just amounted to using websites to find meetups using meetup.com of people in my area. The only things on there were seniors celebrating birthdays after 2 weeks of checking in on it. Not my thing. Honestly, I don't think there's anything one can do other than find communities like this or others on discord. But hell, some people like me can't even do that much.

Why? Because we're so used to isolation, that anything else is unfathomable.

Why not get involved in activities and sports, that's the sole reason why that app and website meetup.com was created, it's local activity and sport groups your area. When I moved to a new city alone, I got involved in many activity and sport groups and got to know people and make friends that way. They literally have meetup groups for almost anything and you can create and organize your own depending on whatever activity you like.

Heh, just as I was about to make my post yours popped up. My second paragraph explains this a bit. But also, most people are going to be fucking terrified of doing this because they've been alone for so long. Even if I found something that wasn't a senior's birthday that I was interested in I am so petrified of being alone in a group of people like this that I wouldn't be able to go. I've tried going to events that my school organized in the past and I wasn't able to function. This is the experience of many people here. How does one overcome that? Because just putting yourself out there clearly doesn't work. It gets to the point where you get rejected so much that you can't and won't put yourself out there ever again because of how traumatic it is. Nobody likes the guy who's super socially awkward, nobody wants to give him a chance.

 

[Aloneandinpain]

Meetup is mostly older people in some areas. I guess there's lots of lonely older people too.

 

[innominesatanas44]

I am lonely but I don't suffer from it. If the majority of people are so evil online, it must be worse in the real world.

 

[Traveller12724]

@dragonofenvy I was saying in big cities, meetups tend to involve all people of different age and different activities. So the meetups in my city help overcome the problem you are talking about cause they are organized around people showing to do a specific activity, such as play soccer or play tennis or basketball or run or hike, and then because you don't have to be very social to show up to do an activity, slowly you start to warm up to people as you continue to show up every week and before you know you are comfortable talking to them. But the first meetup you don't have to say much, you show up and just focus on doing activity whether that's playing soccer or basketball or whatever and then relationships develop slowly as you keep showing up every week.

 

[Dr Iron Arc]

It's kind of weird since the internet should be making it easier than ever for the average person to find "their people" instead of being forced to socialize with only those within their immediate vicinity. Maybe being forced to do that is what made everyone make more of an effort to be better to each other and make compromises instead of now where everybody only wants to be with people who think exactly the way they do.

But then again I'm a millennial with plenty of friends and yet I still feel lonely only because there is a romance shaped pit in my heart that has never been filled. I guess romantically, we can also blame modern media for driving everyone further apart too.

 

[Eternal Eyes]

@dragonofenvy . But the first meetup you don't have to say much, you show up and just focus on doing activity whether that's playing soccer or basketball or whatever and then relationships develop slowly as you keep showing up every week.

Hah, I volunteer for an amateur football (soccer) team! It's the most lonely I've ever been. Other than playing and reading opposition scores we have nothing in common. The people there didn't learn my surname until about 5 months in! Away games (road games?) aren't so bad because I'm getting out of town for a bit, but God the home games are brutal.

I find friendships based on mutual values and deep emotions nicer than shared interests. I prefer the online friends I used to have opposed to the acquaintances I have irl right now. Must be the INFP Four Enneagram in me speaking.

 

[dragonofenvy]

@dragonofenvy I was saying in big cities, meetups tend to involve all people of different age and different activities. So the meetups in my city help overcome the problem you are talking about cause they are organized around people showing to do a specific activity, such as play soccer or play tennis or basketball or run or hike, and then because you don't have to be very social to show up to do an activity, slowly you start to warm up to people as you continue to show up every week and before you know you are comfortable talking to them. But the first meetup you don't have to say much, you show up and just focus on doing activity whether that's playing soccer or basketball or whatever and then relationships develop slowly as you keep showing up every week.

It's never been like that for me when I've done activities. I show up to them but am invisible and don't try to make myself visible from fear. I think a lot of people are like this, especially here. I've seen posts of people being petrified of interacting with people at their jobs, co-workers they presumably know so I have doubts they'd be able to get out and do something on meetup. In the examples you cite sports a lot, and I am not a sporty person (I sucked at every single one in high school). A big problem I think I and a lot of people have is that we're also not interested in anything or don't know what we're interested in. I guess being sad does that to you.

I think your advice is going to work well for the people who are able to be brave enough to put themselves out there and go to social events. But someone like me? I've been to a person's house three times when I was 18. Those were the first times I had ever done anything social outside of just talk to other students in school ever. I had never been invited to someone's house or to go do something outside of school at any point in my life until I was halfway done with my final year of high school. And I only did a few other things after that in that same year and haven't done anything else since then, which was 5 years ago. I can count the amount of times I went out on both hands. There are people here that don't even have that much. I don't know what can be done for people like them, us, aside from finding a discord group they like and lurking in a voice call. Hell, even that's hard.

Basically what I'm trying to say is if you don't have the experience in the first place then getting the first experience feels impossible, and it's the most terrifying thing in the world. I don't know what can be done about it. People know that the answer is to just go to something to fix their loneliness, but they don't know how and are too terrified to try. I know I am too scared to try again.