raindrops
Someday, eventually
- Mar 29, 2020
- 447
I think this is true. Sorry for this long ass post.
When i first joined SS i was definitely on my way to depression, i covered my windows with blankets because i didnt want to see daylight,
i ate junk and i ate fast but i didnt cook any of my meals thankfully and very grateful for my grandmother she cooked for me, i certainly didnt want to cook even if i was hungry.
i wondered what the use was in bathing, i had no one to bathe for i would tell myself, until a friend said "erm, yourself?" so i would wash even though i didnt want too, bit personal but i wouldnt shave, all of these little things i started to ignore. i know now that i was sinking into depression. i didnt go out for 3 months, we had lockdown but regardless i wouldnt of gone out even if we were allowed.
now... right now i dont know how to feel, i feel gratitude a lot though. im so so happy!! i really am, but mostly i feel sad, im clearly not depressed but i am very sad, i have a mix of so many emotions.
my reason? im finally with my partner, we are together, im so grateful, i feel alive, i feel great, a few friends know about us, his grandparents know which fills me with so much happiness!!!...
but his dad is yet to know...this fills me with sadness. i want the world to know, i want acceptance you know.
he told me 2 days ago his father hasn't spoke to him in a while, this hurt me and when i had stayed round his grandparents house with him his dad came to visit, then apparently left immediately. when asked do you think because of me? he said i dunno, i said do you think because of us and he replied to that with "i suppose some people dont understand but my nan and grandad do, youre here now arent you? and my mum does too, she said she would speak with you"
im sure his dad left because i was staying with my partner, i was in the house and i feel his dad 100% left because i was there.
rejection is the worst, i just want love, to love and be loved AND I HAVE THAT but to be wanted and to surround myself with people who love me and see my worth. this all sounds so stupid because im not a big headed person (i have to put that there because i sound so self-entitled) i dont think my opinions matter but my reason for being on this site is because of rejection in the first place. now im finally happy, im making him happy, we do so many amazing things its only right his parents would be on board with us, right?
this makes for a happy, easy life together.
i pray to see his mother and father again... i pray for more amazing, better, happier times. i suppose for now im just sad, not depressed though.
When i first joined SS i was definitely on my way to depression, i covered my windows with blankets because i didnt want to see daylight,
i ate junk and i ate fast but i didnt cook any of my meals thankfully and very grateful for my grandmother she cooked for me, i certainly didnt want to cook even if i was hungry.
i wondered what the use was in bathing, i had no one to bathe for i would tell myself, until a friend said "erm, yourself?" so i would wash even though i didnt want too, bit personal but i wouldnt shave, all of these little things i started to ignore. i know now that i was sinking into depression. i didnt go out for 3 months, we had lockdown but regardless i wouldnt of gone out even if we were allowed.
now... right now i dont know how to feel, i feel gratitude a lot though. im so so happy!! i really am, but mostly i feel sad, im clearly not depressed but i am very sad, i have a mix of so many emotions.
my reason? im finally with my partner, we are together, im so grateful, i feel alive, i feel great, a few friends know about us, his grandparents know which fills me with so much happiness!!!...
but his dad is yet to know...this fills me with sadness. i want the world to know, i want acceptance you know.
he told me 2 days ago his father hasn't spoke to him in a while, this hurt me and when i had stayed round his grandparents house with him his dad came to visit, then apparently left immediately. when asked do you think because of me? he said i dunno, i said do you think because of us and he replied to that with "i suppose some people dont understand but my nan and grandad do, youre here now arent you? and my mum does too, she said she would speak with you"
im sure his dad left because i was staying with my partner, i was in the house and i feel his dad 100% left because i was there.
rejection is the worst, i just want love, to love and be loved AND I HAVE THAT but to be wanted and to surround myself with people who love me and see my worth. this all sounds so stupid because im not a big headed person (i have to put that there because i sound so self-entitled) i dont think my opinions matter but my reason for being on this site is because of rejection in the first place. now im finally happy, im making him happy, we do so many amazing things its only right his parents would be on board with us, right?
this makes for a happy, easy life together.
i pray to see his mother and father again... i pray for more amazing, better, happier times. i suppose for now im just sad, not depressed though.