Ameya
A nobody
- Mar 22, 2021
- 130
My thoughts are no where and everywhere.
This post won't have much structure. Well on a suicide forum people sure don't care about that.
Where do I start? I left school. I couldn't mentally handle the stress. I stayed there to avoid thinking what I should do with myself. Well in between suicide attempts I had during my time there. I have no goals. No wishes. No true desire. I am just kind of there. Existing.
I used to have maybe a goal or a future job, but I lost interest in that. What live has thought me that. It isn't worth it. If I have a dream of doing something I'll be ostrized in the end. No matter the place. I'm an outsider. So it's not worth it. Chasing after anything. It's useless energie spent and time adding with being ignored/bullied. Why try anything? Why chase anything? Everything is fragile like I am. Everyone tells me I still have a lot to live for, bc of my age I get pity, but once I know I am older. People won't care anymore. I don't care anymore. I literally have no motivation for anything. I do something- I'm getting the consequences of pain, grief and loneliness- I do nothing -the same old shit-. I don't know anymore. I thought maybe killing myself will end this cycle of boredom and pain.
Don't ask my age. I don't want that same old pity please. I am a legal adult for the record.
This post won't have much structure. Well on a suicide forum people sure don't care about that.
Where do I start? I left school. I couldn't mentally handle the stress. I stayed there to avoid thinking what I should do with myself. Well in between suicide attempts I had during my time there. I have no goals. No wishes. No true desire. I am just kind of there. Existing.
I used to have maybe a goal or a future job, but I lost interest in that. What live has thought me that. It isn't worth it. If I have a dream of doing something I'll be ostrized in the end. No matter the place. I'm an outsider. So it's not worth it. Chasing after anything. It's useless energie spent and time adding with being ignored/bullied. Why try anything? Why chase anything? Everything is fragile like I am. Everyone tells me I still have a lot to live for, bc of my age I get pity, but once I know I am older. People won't care anymore. I don't care anymore. I literally have no motivation for anything. I do something- I'm getting the consequences of pain, grief and loneliness- I do nothing -the same old shit-. I don't know anymore. I thought maybe killing myself will end this cycle of boredom and pain.
Don't ask my age. I don't want that same old pity please. I am a legal adult for the record.