Anyone you know IRL ctb?

[maybeimalreadydead]

Has anyone in your real daily life ctb that you know- whether friend, friend of a friend, work colleague, family?
How did you feel personally (sad, jealous, mixed emotion)?
How has that affected your thinking in wanting to ctb (want to more, less)?
If you were close enough to know their method, did it affect yours?

im curious, I'm positive these questions differ person to person and situation and closeness to the person etc.

I befriended this person recently, have not known them long (maybe a month) and saw on social media they had ctb. I was shocked at first because this person I never would've expected (but that's just how it is sometimes huh, people would likely say the same for me). I have her comments on my stuff and I see the outpouring of love that comes when a person dies flooding her page. I found myself feeling a bit jealous (over the success maybe, the love all shown) I personally felt while I didn't know her, she must have had a good reason to chose what she did. I hope she went comfortably and I'm glad she found her peace. I can't share that elsewhere. I do hope when I go that people send me loving farewells upon my page. I never really managed to make or keep any friends for all these different reasons. People sure love you once you're gone though.

 

[Return2Dust]

Has anyone in your real daily life ctb that you know- whether friend, friend of a friend, work colleague, family?
How did you feel personally (sad, jealous, mixed emotion)?
How has that affected your thinking in wanting to ctb (want to more, less)?
If you were close enough to know their method, did it affect yours?

im curious, I'm positive these questions differ person to person and situation and closeness to the person etc.

I befriended this person recently, have not known them long (maybe a month) and saw on social media they had ctb. I was shocked at first because this person I never would've expected (but that's just how it is sometimes huh, people would likely say the same for me). I have her comments on my stuff and I see the outpouring of love that comes when a person dies flooding her page. I found myself feeling a bit jealous (over the success maybe, the love all shown) I personally felt while I didn't know her, she must have had a good reason to chose what she did. I hope she went comfortably and I'm glad she found her peace. I can't share that elsewhere. I do hope when I go that people send me loving farewells upon my page. I never really managed to make or keep any friends for all these different reasons. People sure love you once you're gone though.

My aunt ctb several years ago. She was more like a mother to me than my own mother. My favorite person growing up. I was devastated when she left. Initially I thought I could've done more to keep her here with me, then I realized her suffering was greater than my need for her. She was free and at peace. She took an overdose of pills. I don't know the combination. A few months after her death, I began my suicide attempts. At times I find myself jealous she succeeded.

We're here to support you and be your friends now. You're in a safe place. If you decide to ctb, we'll be with you then too.

 

[gambardella]

A girl in my high school had jumped off a building because her boyfriend had cheated on her (among other things). When I learnt about this I was probably 14-15, and simply couldn't understand 1) how someone could commit suicide and 2) how a heartbreak could be a 'good enough' reason to commit. Had never contemplated suicide nor had experienced anything about love at the time. Thinking about it now, I understand her gesture.

More recently a student from my uni killed himself, I don't know anything about the method though. He was said to have a long history with depression. I think it might have encouraged me to take further steps in my suicide ideation, but more than anything, I felt less lonely. Students here never talk about any kind of struggle, everyone seems to hold it together and living their best life in uni. But I don't, and knowing that this other person suffered too made me feel less lonely and I'm sure many other students felt the same way, silently.

 

[Carina]

One of my friends.....Nov 10 of this year....she started planning kind of in October.... She and I had....let's just day or attempts in the past were synced. And this year plans were synced as far as starting time. Neither of us knew when the other was doing something.... We were somehow connected in a screwed up way I guess. I was shocked she died. Happy she wasn't suffering anymore. Worried about her daughter who takes after her who I wouldn't be surprised if she followed after Christmas or new years.

Only side effect was postponing things...because of my best friend...then mom...then holidays...now other annoying stuff.

On the plus side you have this place now where people will support you

 

[Roger]

A few months ago I responded to a similar question in this forum, and stated that I knew about 15+ people who had ctb.

Some I knew personally, others were work/school colleagues or neighbours. In some cases the departed were separated from me by one degree, that is to say that they were parents/spouses of people I knew.

No, I never felt jealous, nor did I ever feel myself to be pressured to kill myself by any of their actions.

In each case, I remember the method. Some are no longer available - asphyxiation by domestic gas, for example, unlit oven) was the most common method in UK when coal gas was the fuel source. This disappeared entirely, almost overnight, when all gas installations were changed to burn natural gas, which is non-toxic.

When I heard about each incident, I was always shocked, but the extent varied depending on how close the personal connection was. I recall that my first reactions were, "Why ?" and "How ?"

 

[Palacinka]

I knew a guy who ctb two years ago. I knew him very well, we traveled together and he was a good guy and good friend. Suddenly his life started to fall apart, he lost his job his girlfriend and most of his friends.
he did it with firearm. I did't know that he has a gun.
I was very sad when that happened. I didn't have suicidal thoughts at the moment but the main feeling was - I understand him. I would probably do the same if I were on his place. I would also use his method if buying a firearm was easy in my country. He was a good guy-and people around him were not.

 

[TAW122]

I don't know anyone close to me (or personally) who has CTB'd. However, I do recall a neighbor (near my parents' place) who CTB'd over a decade ago. It was during the economic recession and the neighbor got laid off and wasn't able to find employment for a long time and eventually he CTB'd. I recalled that day that there were multiple law enforcement vehicles on my street (like 4-5 of them) plus a coroner going into that neighbor's house. My parents' neighborhood is considered middle class and rarely does law enforcement ever go by there, so this was just one of those rare incidents (like once every few years).

 

[hopelessandbroken]

my friend in october. i still feel sad and angry and guilty. i miss her so much and i had no idea that she was feeling that suicidal. i wish i could have helped her but i guess its better this way.

 

[charlottewilts]

i don't, but I know an old friend who might. I remember us talking about suicide when we were 17. i invited him to hang out because I somehow knew he felt the same way as me, but I don't remember him ever telling me. he said he has a progressive disease, and that he'd be killing himself before 25 so he doesn't lose his memory. he said he had tried to hang himself once but the ceiling crashed... i really want to talk to him before I go to see if his condition has gotten better but I don't have his number anymore and I don't know who I'd even ask for it.

 

[Jean4]

My partner 16 days ago. It affects me differently at different times. That is what his goodbye post is for.

 

[JustVisiting]

One of my friends.....Nov 10 of this year....she started planning kind of in October.... She and I had....let's just day or attempts in the past were synced. And this year plans were synced as far as starting time. Neither of us knew when the other was doing something.... We were somehow connected in a screwed up way I guess. I was shocked she died. Happy she wasn't suffering anymore. Worried about her daughter who takes after her who I wouldn't be surprised if she followed after Christmas or new years.

Only side effect was postponing things...because of my best friend...then mom...then holidays...now other annoying stuff.

On the plus side you have this place now where people will support you

I also worry about my daughter doing the same thing when I leave. It's overwhelming to contemplate.

 

[LMLN]

My husband earlier this year. I'm devastated. I was never suicidal before this happened. His method was very violent. It has moved me toward a more peaceful method. I'm still struggling through day by day. Seeing how long I can go to give myself a chance. But tbh I think it's more a matter of when, not if.
I'm really trying and working hard on the grief. Right now it's just overwhelming no matter what I do. And I am doing everything I'm supposed to do. Meds, therapy, grief groups. Nothing seems to help much.

 

[Carina]

I also worry about my daughter doing the same thing when I leave. It's overwhelming to contemplate.

No easy thing with that really. I mean, I can say that their life is their own, and they have their own decisions and choices... doesn't help though, for that matter at the same time I'll be leaving my mom... Since we own the house together, we're living together (separate, but together). We have never really been "apart" my entire life. She still mourns her brother who died, even with tears just by thinking of him. And he died 50+ years ago. She needs to seek help on birthdays and death days of relatives, and almost all holidays.

I honestly do not know if she'll live after. I hope she at least has something to live for... but I'm her last living relative. It's one reason I've tried to plan things not around the other dates to make it easier on her.

 

[Jean4]

My husband earlier this year. I'm devastated. I was never suicidal before this happened. His method was very violent. It has moved me toward a more peaceful method. I'm still struggling through day by day. Seeing how long I can go to give myself a chance. But tbh I think it's more a matter of when, not if.
I'm really trying and working hard on the grief. Right now it's just overwhelming no matter what I do. And I am doing everything I'm supposed to do. Meds, therapy, grief groups. Nothing seems to help much.

I understand. Take it second by second if need be. I'm not going to say it will get better, because at day 16 since he CTB I don't know if it will.

We are here if you want to talk.

 

[JustVisiting]

Yes. And I felt envious! She was a fairly new friend that ctb a couple of months ago. Everyone was shocked, including myself - but then I quickly got over my shock because I realized that when you ctb, you don't tell anyone beforehand; and clearly she had been planning. I know this planning part well.

She was beautiful and kind with 2 young adult children. If you read my story, you'll know I have complicated feelings as I'm a parent to a minor.

I couldn't help but wonder if she had waited until her youngest had reached their 20's before she did it. I am not sure of the method she used. She had a lot of friends that loved her, but wow, it seemed like thousands more appeared out of the woodwork once she was gone.

No easy thing with that really. I mean, I can say that their life is their own, and they have their own decisions and choices... doesn't help though, for that matter at the same time I'll be leaving my mom... Since we own the house together, we're living together (separate, but together). We have never really been "apart" my entire life. She still mourns her brother who died, even with tears just by thinking of him. And he died 50+ years ago. She needs to seek help on birthdays and death days of relatives, and almost all holidays.

I honestly do not know if she'll live after. I hope she at least has something to live for... but I'm her last living relative. It's one reason I've tried to plan things not around the other dates to make it easier on her.

I'm sorry. Does she have any knowledge of your intent?

My husband earlier this year. I'm devastated. I was never suicidal before this happened. His method was very violent. It has moved me toward a more peaceful method. I'm still struggling through day by day. Seeing how long I can go to give myself a chance. But tbh I think it's more a matter of when, not if.
I'm really trying and working hard on the grief. Right now it's just overwhelming no matter what I do. And I am doing everything I'm supposed to do. Meds, therapy, grief groups. Nothing seems to help much.

I am so sorry Here to listen anytime.

 

[Carina]

Yes. And I felt envious! She was a fairly new friend that ctb a couple of months ago. Everyone was shocked, including myself - but then I quickly got over my shock because I realized that when you ctb, you don't tell anyone beforehand; and clearly she had been planning. I know this planning part well.

She was beautiful and kind with 2 young adult children. If you read my story, you'll know I have complicated feelings as I'm a parent to a minor.

I couldn't help but wonder if she had waited until her youngest had reached their 20's before she did it. I am not sure of the method she used. She had a lot of friends that loved her, but wow, it seemed like thousands more appeared out of the woodwork once she was gone.

I'm sorry. Does she have any knowledge of your intent?

I am so sorry Here to listen anytime.

Does she have any knowledge of my intent?

That's the catch... 2 years ago she took me when I voluntary put myself in a psych ward (I was afraid I was going to hurt myself in a painful way, I worked around fryers and slicers at the time in a deli, I mean all for the ending things, but as painless as possible and no real marks), so she should know signs.

She knows I'm technically on 2 antidepressants, and lithium. I even made the joke I was like a battery now-- and she said it was a stupid joke and to never say it again. She asked me the other day "why are you sleeping so much?", she constantly yells about things, knocks me down, calls me ugly, says I should stop eating to lose weight... and I haven't had physical human touch in I think 3 or 4 weeks, and before that, it was a month or two. She refuses to let me hug her.--but she's all huggy and kissy with the boyfriend, and her dog . So it's not like she doesn't want human touch.

So I've come to the conclusion that either 1) she doesn't have any freaking clue because she's blind or obsessed with the dead family and forgetting about the living (or boyfriend/dog) or 2) she knows, and she's trying to push me to it to get me out of the house I own with her. Neither is good.

My best friend knows.... I told him shortly after the loss of the other, so he wouldn't have a drastic shock (originally I was going to see 2020, for a few minutes only--time's been moved back)

 

[JustVisiting]

OMG! She's horrid to you. I'm so sorry. Here for you.

 

[TimeToBiteTheDust]

Tye brother of my sister's friend jumped from a bridge. Died instantly.

 

[Epsilon0]

A neighbour jumped in front of the train and died instantly. When I heard the news, all I could think of was his dark blue BMW parked outside our building, and it felt so eerie that he would never drive it again.

Funny, how our minds wander when we hear something shocking.

Now, when I think of him, I can almost trace his steps to the railroad near our home, under the bridge, where he did it. I see him vividly in front of my eyes, walking there by night, trembling inside, outwardly calm, thoughts racing through his head. I can almost taste his anguish... why, it could have been me.

 

[Victory]

a couple of days ago a neighbor hanged himself in the basement
(due to constant wife cheating)

 

[PrincessInWhite]

Has anyone in your real daily life ctb that you know- whether friend, friend of a friend, work colleague, family?
How did you feel personally (sad, jealous, mixed emotion)?
How has that affected your thinking in wanting to ctb (want to more, less)?
If you were close enough to know their method, did it affect yours?

im curious, I'm positive these questions differ person to person and situation and closeness to the person etc.

I befriended this person recently, have not known them long (maybe a month) and saw on social media they had ctb. I was shocked at first because this person I never would've expected (but that's just how it is sometimes huh, people would likely say the same for me). I have her comments on my stuff and I see the outpouring of love that comes when a person dies flooding her page. I found myself feeling a bit jealous (over the success maybe, the love all shown) I personally felt while I didn't know her, she must have had a good reason to chose what she did. I hope she went comfortably and I'm glad she found her peace. I can't share that elsewhere. I do hope when I go that people send me loving farewells upon my page. I never really managed to make or keep any friends for all these different reasons. People sure love you once you're gone though.

my best friend. I want to join her everyday

 

[HannahB]

A lot... My uncle when I was younger by gun, two of my friends in highschool one by hanging the other drowning. My best friends mom shot herself in front of her when we were in high school. A family friend shot himself in a parking lot here on town. Another kid that went to school with me used the exit bag but when he was older he had schizophrenia. Another close friend from my early childhood overdosed in north Dakota working un the oil fields after his kids were taken by his wife. Lastly a guy that worked for the family buisness hung himself last valentines day because he couldn't go back to rehab.

 

[Shinbu]

My uncle on my dad's side. Some girl broke his heart, and he attempted to ctb but failed. I don't know what method he chose, but my mom told me this a couple years back. He is doing fine, and he is traveling a lot because of the job he does. That's what he let on in a convo he made between us when I saw him visiting my grandma and grandpa a couple of years back. Apparently he was a shut in as well. He spent time alone mainly playing video games barely getting out of the house that's what my mom said. Knowing this doesn't make me want to ctb more or less.

 

[Aonewayticketplease]

There have been 3 instances of suicide that I think of fairly often.

The first is a guy I knew from school. He seemed quite tough and was the sort that you wouldn't want to get into a ruck with. I cycled to school with him quite often, can't report anything out of the ordinary. Saw him a handful of times after school in passing while he was doing an apprenticeship as a plumber. Found out a number of years later that he suck started a pistol. Totally shocked by the news but understand why it happened.

Second was someone who thought he was god's gift to everyone. Dated one of the most desirable women ever, I was totally envious. He broke his neck in a high speed car crash, girlfriend was mangled in the wreck but walked out of hospital the next day. She waited the respectable 6 months to break up with him after he recovered fully. He gassed himself a few years after the incident. He was a douche but a lucky douche with women.

The third one is horrible. My next door neighbour was an older man, very generous and quite timid. I never noticed that he was getting rid of his stuff until after the fact. He went to a hotel and OD'd a few hours after I saw him......seemed fine that afternoon.I wish I could have made his life easier. This one keeps me awake at night.

 

[PwincessStepford]

My schoolmate. I heard he hung himself in his closet. It's weird that someone I talked to when we were so young is dead now. He ctb'ed when he was 17?

 

[SilverLining]

several.
my best friends brother
a family friend
a cousin
and almost my sister

it's not good to know it happens but i still...
they'd be better off without me, but we weren't better without them. make sense?

 

[Darkbrett]

Last time I told someone I ended up in the hospital against my will.
Not making that mistake again.

 

[ARW3N]

Yes, I've personally known a lot of people who have CTB. They've used a whole variety of methods from overdosing, hanging, wrist cutting and jumping in front of a train. I was initially shocked by their deaths.

 

[Merith]

A friend I didn't hang out with after school, but did sit at lunch with nearly every single day. I even kinda liked him and spent the summer thinking about him. We grew further apart and the relationship simmered down to small talk in the hallways every day while waiting for the initial bell to ring and nothing more. But one day everyone at the school is talking about "the guy who killed himself". The last person who I would suspect. Hanging. Despite me not being close, I felt terrible and still do. That was September of 2018.

In 2019, a friend online that I knew via Facebook did the job in around August; they went via SN. After a bit of investigation, I discovered that they were a member here... and here I am.

 

[Moonicide]

No. I've only had a friend here on this forum that has ctb'ed and I think about her every single day. As for my circle in real life, we are all mentally ill and a few of us have been inpatient due to attempting. One of my closest friends has attempted 3 times... I feel bad because in the end it will be me leaving her, not her leaving me. I don't think she even sees it coming.