Discussion Anyone want to CTB but don't think they are mentally ill?

[grimreaped]

Yeah just wanna hear from people who don't think they are mentally ill but want to ctb. Was a psychiatric diagnosis forced upon you? What are the reasons you want to ctb? How does the thought of ctb make you feel?

 

[WorthlessCoward]

If you ask me, wanting to live is the truly lunatic thing

 

[DesireDeath]

Not mentally ill just facially deformed

 

[leland]

The thought of ctb makes me feel at peace

 

[FuneralCry]

In my case, my wish to die is not an "illness", in fact it's the most logical response to existing in this hellish world. I view it as being incredibly insulting when all suicidal people are viewed as being "mentally ill", people who do such a thing disgust me and the reality is that they are just in denail. They don't want to accept that wanting suicide is perfectly rational in this uncertain and unprecitable world where we are trapped inside this flesh prison that is destined to decay from age and torture us in the process. With all the risks involved in existing and the fact that life in itself is a completely futile process suicide certainly sounds like the most appealing option to prevent unnecessary suffering in which existing offers no relief from.

Life is full of harm, the existence of life disturbs me and I see nonexistence as being ideal as in the absence of everything there are no problems. The thing that is truly irrational is justifying life and wishing to prolong it at all costs, humans do attach value to something so useless as life and so many shame those who see existence for what it really is and have awareness that life in itself is something harmful. So no, I don't see myself as being mentally ill. I just don't like suffering and I consider existence to be a burden so unfairly forced on me. I'm not meant for this and I don't see existence as being something desirable. No matter what, I will always view it as being preferable to not exist.

 

[Ki_Nam]

I'm not mentally ill but will do it. To shed my flesh and be released from this prison. This unforgiveable and shameful person, being me, must be destroyed.

 

[outrider567]

Yeah just wanna hear from people who don't think they are mentally ill but want to ctb. Was a psychiatric diagnosis forced upon you? What are the reasons you want to ctb? How does the thought of ctb make you feel?

Not mentally ill at all, just getting ready for a forever sleep

 

[BloomingRose]

I don't really know whether I am mentally ill or not. I just see hardships and pain in lives of everybody(including mine ofc), although I am not that unhappy I also seem not to value my life as much as others value theirs. I feel like it is not really worth it and at some point living becomes just another chore or a task. If I could I would gladly let someone who actually wants to live swap places with me, but sadly it's not possible...
As someone said here, not existing is better than existing, but I think that I have to live a little longer before my eternal rest, at least as long as my cat is here. Though thought of ctb is actually giving me some comfort.

 

[sorella santini]

I'm not mentally ill, just have a chronic illness that sucks all the joy out of life. It's exhausting.

 

[Viranamari]

Despite being diagnosed with depression, I don't view myself as 'mentally ill'. 'Mentally ill' is a rather broad term. Personally, other than a few exceptions, I don't believe anyone falls into that term. If someone is different from others, there's a diagnosis for them. My default mood is depressed instead of neutral. I have anhedonia and I don't have any motivation to get out of bed. I keep disassociating from reality and indulging in fantasy. I haven't been abused nor did I face any trauma of any sort. It's just how I am. So as to speak, I want to CTB for seeing the world for what it truly is. The thought of CTB is a rather pleasant yet disturbing thought for me. I would gladly die anytime but the fear of what happens after I die is scary. Is there such a thing as an afterlife or reincarnation? What would happen to my loved ones when I die? But at the same time, I would no longer have to live in this rotten world. That is precisely why it's preferable to simply not exist.

 

[LikeAPendulum]

I may or may not be mentally ill, as my mother did everything she could to bar me from any treatment and convince me that i'm fine, that therapy is a scam.

because of this, i still largely view myself, at the very least, to be not mentally ill, or at the least, not seriously ill.

But ever since i backed out from hanging myself and squealed it to my school, events out of my control made things worse, which over time made me believe that i should've done it when i had the chance; when i had the chance to die young and clean, rather than grow old and dirty.

 

[NobodyEverywhere]

I think seeing a lot of suicidal people portrayed in media having some kind of mental illness is what makes a good bunch of people assume that you have to have something wrong with you to want to ctb. I think, everyone thinks they are sane, no matter their views. It's also safe to ask the question "anyone want to live but doesn't feel mentally ill?". Just a matter of perspective I guess.

 

[grimreaped]

I think seeing a lot of suicidal people portrayed in media having some kind of mental illness is what makes a good bunch of people assume that you have to have something wrong with you to want to ctb. I think, everyone thinks they are sane, no matter their views. It's also safe to ask the question "anyone want to live but doesn't feel mentally ill?". Just a matter of perspective I guess.

I mean in our current society, if you want to ctb, you are ill without any agency. Your reasons for ctb are just cognitive distortions, which need to be gaslit out of you. Atleast that is status quo I have experienced. But ultimately, it is just a thought in the wide spectrum of human rationale. I feel there are more irrational thoughts that people have without being considered mentally ill.

 

[orca87]

I realized that I've had an atypical depression since I was 5.

Now, I've spent one year to "heal". I had energy, therapy, Hope. I habe Even managed to exercise 3 times a week.

And, I'm not too tired anymore. I Just lost Hope because life has nothing for me anymore. It's just too late for me.

 

[Glandular]

I have a chronic disease that is not curable. Once the physical pain gets too much I think of ctb as the rational choice. I have no known mental issues and probably wouldn't be here if I were healthy. Thinking about ctb and planing how to do it gives me back the control over my life that has been taken from me.

 

[imcurious]

Despite being diagnosed with depression, I don't view myself as 'mentally ill'. 'Mentally ill' is a rather broad term. Personally, other than a few exceptions, I don't believe anyone falls into that term. If someone is different from others, there's a diagnosis for them. My default mood is depressed instead of neutral. I have anhedonia and I don't have any motivation to get out of bed. I keep disassociating from reality and indulging in fantasy. I haven't been abused nor did I face any trauma of any sort. It's just how I am. So as to speak, I want to CTB for seeing the world for what it truly is. The thought of CTB is a rather pleasant yet disturbing thought for me. I would gladly die anytime but the fear of what happens after I die is scary. Is there such a thing as an afterlife or reincarnation? What would happen to my loved ones when I die? But at the same time, I would no longer have to live in this rotten world. That is precisely why it's preferable to simply not exist.

Wow. You put into words how I've felt all my life.

 

[SilentSadness]

I suppose I'm depressed, but anyhow I would want to ctb regardless. There is nothing so good about life that it overrules all the suffering we inevitably experience, from boredom to relationships, from failure to sickness and from work to loss. Pro-life people tend to invalidate those forms of suffering and suggest you will "snap out of it" but in reality those forms of suffering amount to something of catastrophic magnitude and we are all very strong for enduring it. The only thing keeping me in life is life itself so there really is no reason for me not to die. I don't know about others, but just existing is an aching pain for me which never goes away.

 

[Borgrot]

My mental illness(es?) aren't what makes me want to do it, it's seeing the faces of the people I love as I hurt them over and over and over and over. My partner crying as she can't forget all the pain I've caused her. My parents disappointed - again. My friends alienated and ignored until they stop trying with me. Yeah, ok, I'm messed up in the head, but it's a logical response to my impact on the world that makes me want to ctb.

 

[LikeAPendulum]

Looking back on this, i'm reminded of a line from "The Crown": "They say I have mental health problems now. I don't! I'm just poor."

 

[leavingsoon99]

I don't think I'm mentally ill. I know I have trauma that I'm overcoming. But, my wish to die is a reaction to life itself. To humans. To a situation in which I had no say in being a part of. I've been outcast from society since I was a child. My parents rejected/abused me. I was mercilessly bullied throughout school. Job after job has been nothing short of a continuation of high school. I mean, how else is one supposed to react to such a world? Is it sane to want to continue to live in this?

In my case, my wish to die is not an "illness", in fact it's the most logical response to existing in this hellish world. I view it as being incredibly insulting when all suicidal people are viewed as being "mentally ill", people who do such a thing disgust me and the reality is that they are just in denail. They don't want to accept that wanting suicide is perfectly rational in this uncertain and unprecitable world where we are trapped inside this flesh prison that is destined to decay from age and torture us in the process. With all the risks involved in existing and the fact that life in itself is a completely futile process suicide certainly sounds like the most appealing option to prevent unnecessary suffering in which existing offers no relief from.

Life is full of harm, the existence of life disturbs me and I see nonexistence as being ideal as in the absence of everything there are no problems. The thing that is truly irrational is justifying life and wishing to prolong it at all costs, humans do attach value to something so useless as life and so many shame those who see existence for what it really is and have awareness that life in itself is something harmful. So no, I don't see myself as being mentally ill. I just don't like suffering and I consider existence to be a burden so unfairly forced on me. I'm not meant for this and I don't see existence as being something desirable. No matter what, I will always view it as being preferable to not exist.

You articulated exactly how I feel.

 

[OceanBlue]

You have to be really sick to handle this reality well.

The biggest mental illness is pronatalism.