Discussion Anyone that has loving parents

[elfgyoza]

I came across a thread of someone asking how to lessen the pain on their mother after their suicide and it got me thinking a little.

I have loving parents and friends, everyone is supportive and I've even seen my dad cry for the first time, because of me. But is it enough?
I believe each person should live for themselves, you shouldn't have to feel guilty because of how you might make people feel after you've ctb'd. However, I also can't help but feel this way and I've even backed out of doing it twice because of my parents.
Guilt tripping people into not ctb'ing is a horrible thing to do, I've had multiple drs/nurses do this to me and it just makes you feel worse, like you've let them down.

What do you guys think, how do you react to this kind of thing?

 

[Thereisnothing]

I've lost both my parents, we were so close, was very lucky had such good relationship with them
I am alone in the world and very sick with many physical illnesses, I just exist.
If I had them still and friends I'd not consider CTB.
You say everyone is supportive to you, my advice would be, hold onto these loved ones and take strength from them.............not everyone has that and without love, care and support, there is nothing. Hence why i chose my user name...............I'm just breathing but existing in a dense void. Cant bare to be alone in real world and my illnesses are getting worse and am scared stiff.

 

[issyishere]

Ah yes the whole "suicide doesn't fix the pain, it passes it on" as if i already didn't know that. When the pain internally or externally reaches a certain threshold and we've decided to end our lives. We have thought about this, realized the pain it will cause and decided to still do it. When our pets are in pain and their quality of life is low, we put them down to spare them from pain. We love them and realized as much as we want to keep them they're better off dead. Our only hope is that our loved ones will realize the same and be happy that we aren't in pain anymore.

 

[elfgyoza]

I've lost both my parents, we were so close, was very lucky had such good relationship with them
I am alone in the world and very sick with many physical illnesses, I just exist.
If I had them still and friends I'd not consider CTB.
You say everyone is supportive to you, my advice would be, hold onto these loved ones and take strength from them.............not everyone has that and without love, care and support, there is nothing. Hence why i chose my user name...............I'm just breathing but existing in a dense void. Cant bare to be alone in real world and my illnesses are getting worse and am scared stiff.

I'm sorry to hear about your parents and your illnesses. I agree we should hold on to loved ones but I'm also like you in a way, just kind of existing. I don't have any physical illnesses, just a defective brain. It pains me that you're in that situation but here I am planning to ctb when I look like I have everything, I wish I could trade places with you so you don't have to suffer like this

 

[WhiteDespair]

If you have people who love and support you, I recommend against it.

If you're feeling guilty about CtB, it suggests that you really don't want to.

Instead, try everything you can and then come back.

There are those of us without that love and support who would absolutely want what you have. To some extent, I have it and, in another regard, I do not.

I can tell you from personal experience that living solely for yourself can isolate you from others which causes problems.

 

[elfgyoza]

If you have people who love and support you, I recommend against it.

If you're feeling guilty about CtB, it suggests that you really don't want to.

Instead, try everything you can and then come back.

There are those of us without that love and support who would absolutely want what you have. To some extent, I have it and, in another regard, I do not.

I can tell you from personal experience that living solely for yourself can isolate you from others which causes problems.

My issue with this is despite having the support, it's not always enough. I may not look like I'm suffering but what's going on in my head is a completely different story, something that people can't fix by just being there for me.
I do sometimes feel guilty but it's not constant, I also think that it eventually won't matter, because my parents will die too. Someday no one will remember what happened to me

 

[Chalken]

I'm in the same position. I have good parents and family, but that doesn't help much. I hate this guilt tripping and the saying that you have to live for other's sake. I care about my parents, but I don't think that caring exceeds my pain of living. What about people who have tried and they are still suffering? Are they to live just so others wouldn't be hurt?

 

[ShadowChild]

Ah yes the whole "suicide doesn't fix the pain, it passes it on" as if i already didn't know that. When the pain internally or externally reaches a certain threshold and we've decided to end our lives. We have thought about this, realized the pain it will cause and decided to still do it. When our pets are in pain and their quality of life is low, we put them down to spare them from pain. We love them and realized as much as we want to keep them they're better off dead. Our only hope is that our loved ones will realize the same and be happy that we aren't in pain anymore.

Tell the person who says "it doesn't fix the pain it passes it on that if they were holding a red hot ball of lead and the only way to relieve yourself of the burn is to drop it into someone else's hands then would they do it" they'd say well duhhh I dunno duhhh Iv never been in that situation" to which you'd say exactly so stfu with your shitty guilt tripping opinions on how others should deal with pain.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Hey Love. Well the question in the post u r referring to was the question: how to leave a note to make the poster's mother "feel" better about poster's ctb. I responded by stating that my mom lost her daughter (my sister obvi) in a car accident in '92, bestie lost her daughter to asthma in '04, n forgot to mention another friend lost her daughter to suicide in '15, who has just recently released a book about the pain. I can't begin to tell how these women's lives have changed.my mom never celebrated thanksgiving the same way she used to when my sis was alive, bestie still cries for every event her daughter has missed. So not saying we should live for our parents, but when u ask what's a way to help them get over ctb easier, I'm not sure it's possible.When it's an accident,illness,ofc they mourn, esp if it's sudden, but with ctb, I think a parent, (n I stressed "loving" parent before cuz some r monsters), goes thru an extreme amount of guilt also, for not knowing, not helping, not being able to prevent it..So not trying to throw guilt on no one, but if anyone chooses to ctb, u have to just know that if u have parents/ppl around who love n care for u, they're gonna b devastated n in pain..No way around that..

*Personally, my decision to postpone ctb was heavily weighted on the fact that my loving, caring mom would have to suffer again, n possibly worse, with me doing that..and I choose to not put her thru any further pain..

 

[a.n.kirillov]

Mhhh. I think I have parents that love me but who were simply not competent or resourceful enough to provide me with an adequate upbringing. I try not to make any moral judgements about those kinds of things anymore, as I see that everyone is simply shaped by his circumstances into what he is and can't possibly act in any other way than he does.

After years of depression, the friends I came to respect the most were actually the ones who kept respecting me and who had a sort of politeness in their approach. Who set clear boundaries but also always listened to me and took what I had to say seriously.

In the same vain as I stopped judging them for mistreating me, cutting me out of their life, being judgemental, I also stopped feeling guilty for the consequences my suicide might have for them. This might sound like a sad personal philosophy, but it evolved naturally and its closer to reality than making moral judgements and blaming other people/ yourself (for things they/we can't control anyway) imo. I think I acquired a lot of understanding for people's 'bad' behaviour through my own suffering and observation of my own mistreatment of others; I just had to learn to also be as forgiving with myself as I was with them. I adopted a view of my life as determined by fate and I am not responsible for everything that brought me to the point of considering suicide, just as the people who mistreated me in the past or failed to care for me weren't responsible for being themselves mistreated in their own lifes and for their own ignorance.

 

[Lostandfound7]

Mhhh. I think I have parents that love me but who were simply not competent or resourceful enough to provide me with an adequate upbringing. I try not to make any moral judgements about those kinds of things anymore, as I see that everyone is simply shaped by his circumstances into what he is and can't possibly act in any other way than he does.

After years of depression, the friends I came to respect the most were actually the ones who kept respecting me and who had a sort of politeness in their approach. Who set clear boundaries but also always listened to me and took what I had to say seriously.

In the same vain as I stopped judging them for mistreating me, cutting me out of their life, being judgemental, I also stopped feeling guilty for the consequences my suicide might have for them. This might sound like a sad personal philosophy, but it evolved naturally and its closer to reality than making moral judgements and blaming other people/ yourself (for things they/we can't control anyway) imo. I think I acquired a lot of understanding for people's 'bad' behaviour through my own suffering and observation of my own mistreatment of others; I just had to learn to also be as forgiving with myself as I was with them. I adopted a view of my life as determined by fate and I am not responsible for everything that brought me to the point of considering suicide, just as the people who mistreated me in the past or failed to care for me weren't responsible for being themselves mistreated in their own lifes and for their own ignorance.

Yes I do agree with u in the ppl, mainly parents, being ignorant n possible mistreated themselves,hence the mistreatment of their children. But when I hear of some of the horrendous, wicked, n vile abuse some of my fam here have endured thru their mother,father,step-parent,sibling, which has brought them here in so much pain, it's so hard for me to dismiss,give reason to, blame their upbringing, or lack of intelligence of their abuser..Many here who have been hurt by the hands of ppl (parents) who's BASIC job was to love n nurture them (since we don't ask to b here), they may find it very dfficult to justify the abuser n rightfully so. Not saying that u r stating they should b justified. Just saying that it's hard for many to do that, based on their level of abuse ..

U have parents who loved u, as did I, so I have absolutely no idea what it's like to be physically, mentally, psychologically, or sexually abused by my parents. Im sure Many of ones here that do know would find it very hard to come to the same resolve that u have..

 

[BeGone]

Well, my parents love me and besides them I have almost nobody in my life. I know they'll be devastated when I CTB, but I really can't keep going just because of them. If it wasn't for them I would have been long gone, this life of mine can't last forever though. I'll feel guilty about it, but since after so many years nothing has significantly improved for me, I keep feeling the same and the desire to CTB still comes around what else could I do?

 

[WhiteDespair]

My issue with this is despite having the support, it's not always enough. I may not look like I'm suffering but what's going on in my head is a completely different story, something that people can't fix by just being there for me.
I do sometimes feel guilty but it's not constant, I also think that it eventually won't matter, because my parents will die too. Someday no one will remember what happened to me

The support is there to help in your efforts at improving. Think of it this way. You're rolling a boulder from A to B. You can move the boulder okay by yourself most of the time. It's easy sending it downhill, more difficult uphill. Most of the time you can manage. Then, sometimes you need help getting the boulder over a hump or out of a ditch. That's where the support comes in. Those extra hands can get you back on track. It's there for when you are working at it, whatever it is. If you're sitting on the side of the road complaining that the boulder isn't moving, that's a completely different story.

This is a lesson I can intellectually grasp, and I know it behooves me to act in this manner, yet I have not done it. I choose to go along without support even when I really, really could use it. You need to make the choice of whether to use it or not. I have accomplished some crazy things using my will alone but it would have been easier to do so with other people.

In the grand scheme of things everyone dies, everyone is forgotten and nothing matters, right? On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to 0, right? We don't live on those timelines. As such, they become irrelevant. I'll be lucky if anyone remembers me in 10 years. I'm already forgotten by most. I have chosen this myself, mainly because my self-esteem is shot and I assume that it's better if I hide away from the world or reject it outright. It's something that requires work on my part. Adjust the timeline and maybe, just maybe you can make a difference for that all to brief period.

 

[elfgyoza]

The support is there to help in your efforts at improving. Think of it this way. You're rolling a boulder from A to B. You can move the boulder okay by yourself most of the time. It's easy sending it downhill, more difficult uphill. Most of the time you can manage. Then, sometimes you need help getting the boulder over a hump or out of a ditch. That's where the support comes in. Those extra hands can get you back on track. It's there for when you are working at it, whatever it is. If you're sitting on the side of the road complaining that the boulder isn't moving, that's a completely different story.

This is a lesson I can intellectually grasp, and I know it behooves me to act in this manner, yet I have not done it. I choose to go along without support even when I really, really could use it. You need to make the choice of whether to use it or not. I have accomplished some crazy things using my will alone but it would have been easier to do so with other people.

In the grand scheme of things everyone dies, everyone is forgotten and nothing matters, right? On a long enough timeline the survival rate for everyone drops to 0, right? We don't live on those timelines. As such, they become irrelevant. I'll be lucky if anyone remembers me in 10 years. I'm already forgotten by most. I have chosen this myself, mainly because my self-esteem is shot and I assume that it's better if I hide away from the world or reject it outright. It's something that requires work on my part. Adjust the timeline and maybe, just maybe you can make a difference for that all to brief period.

I have accepted help in the past but it's not enough to make me reconsider. I have aspergers, which isn't something that can be 'fixed'. I can't get over it, with or without help, no matter how much I wish my brain was like everyone else's. My parents could support me as much as humanly possible but it still wouldn't be enough to overcome the issues I have. I just don't want to be alive, I never asked for this

 

[WhiteDespair]

I have accepted help in the past but it's not enough to make me reconsider. I have aspergers, which isn't something that can be 'fixed'. I can't get over it, with or without help, no matter how much I wish my brain was like everyone else's. My parents could support me as much as humanly possible but it still wouldn't be enough to overcome the issues I have. I just don't want to be alive, I never asked for this

Can you explain how Asperger's affects you so I can understand?